Emilybon
Feb 16, 2011, 01:51 AM
I have been with my husband now for 8 years, 4 of them we have been married. We do not live in either of our home countries; I am European and he is South American. I have two children from a previous marriage who are away from home studying; I am 41 and he is 32.
There has not been a year that we have stayed together for a whole year. He leaves every year and somehow we get back together. Generally it is because he does not get on with my daughter that he leves, but we run a business together, so are linked by that and it is a great business that neither of us would want to walk away from.
Last year for example; we are living in a lovely house, just the two of us but with the fact that the kids come home for the college holidays (they are 22 and 23) but even that causes a problem and so many fights that he eventually leaves. He left for a month in April (our busiest time) this was supposed to be a break to sort his head out, he came back; nothing had changed, and then my Mum becomes very seriously ill so this takes over for a while, but even while she was still in hospital he left again and was away for the whole summer. When he leaves I have to run the business alone (with the help of my kids if they are here on holiday) and also financially support him as he always leaves with nothing.
Years before he has run away twice back to South America (again I am supporting him all the time). When he comes back he tells me he loves me and that he was sorry to leave but says that the situation he was in or was going to have to face (for example my kids being here for the summer) was too much and by leaving he was only doing what he had to do. We then make plans to make things better but then something else becomes a problem he can't live with.
Maybe you wonder what a demon my daughter is... she is basically just fed up with him and all the crap over the years and so resents him for still being around, he does not like to face this and her objections to his rule.
Why am I still in this relationship? (I am asking myself) I am rather alone in this country we live in and also alone with the business if he is not working so I suppose I think better if he is around rather than standing my ground and saying no.? There is still an attraction between us and when things are fine I am really happy, but it never lasts... sometimes not even a week.
My kids are due out in a few days for half term break so here we go again. He wants to get a flat nearby, come to work, still be together but not live together. He says the office can be in his flat (the business is getting bigger and I suppose we need to expand from the home office) but to me this is just another roundabout.
I wonder sometimes if he is ill. Manic depression or Bi-polar. At the moment he thinks he can solve everything, conquer the world - but I know soon something very small will happen to burst the bubble and he goes into a decline where he will start to play the PS3 for about 7 hours a day and not have much interest in anything. This mode then makes him bothered about everything, me getting frustrated with him, fights starting and eventually leaving!
Maybe this does not make sense. The story is long, its hard to know where to start or which details are the most relevant. I think I read someone else's question and just reading it you know what she has to do (someone said re-read what you have written and think what you would tell that person). But I feel my brain is foggy now!
There has not been a year that we have stayed together for a whole year. He leaves every year and somehow we get back together. Generally it is because he does not get on with my daughter that he leves, but we run a business together, so are linked by that and it is a great business that neither of us would want to walk away from.
Last year for example; we are living in a lovely house, just the two of us but with the fact that the kids come home for the college holidays (they are 22 and 23) but even that causes a problem and so many fights that he eventually leaves. He left for a month in April (our busiest time) this was supposed to be a break to sort his head out, he came back; nothing had changed, and then my Mum becomes very seriously ill so this takes over for a while, but even while she was still in hospital he left again and was away for the whole summer. When he leaves I have to run the business alone (with the help of my kids if they are here on holiday) and also financially support him as he always leaves with nothing.
Years before he has run away twice back to South America (again I am supporting him all the time). When he comes back he tells me he loves me and that he was sorry to leave but says that the situation he was in or was going to have to face (for example my kids being here for the summer) was too much and by leaving he was only doing what he had to do. We then make plans to make things better but then something else becomes a problem he can't live with.
Maybe you wonder what a demon my daughter is... she is basically just fed up with him and all the crap over the years and so resents him for still being around, he does not like to face this and her objections to his rule.
Why am I still in this relationship? (I am asking myself) I am rather alone in this country we live in and also alone with the business if he is not working so I suppose I think better if he is around rather than standing my ground and saying no.? There is still an attraction between us and when things are fine I am really happy, but it never lasts... sometimes not even a week.
My kids are due out in a few days for half term break so here we go again. He wants to get a flat nearby, come to work, still be together but not live together. He says the office can be in his flat (the business is getting bigger and I suppose we need to expand from the home office) but to me this is just another roundabout.
I wonder sometimes if he is ill. Manic depression or Bi-polar. At the moment he thinks he can solve everything, conquer the world - but I know soon something very small will happen to burst the bubble and he goes into a decline where he will start to play the PS3 for about 7 hours a day and not have much interest in anything. This mode then makes him bothered about everything, me getting frustrated with him, fights starting and eventually leaving!
Maybe this does not make sense. The story is long, its hard to know where to start or which details are the most relevant. I think I read someone else's question and just reading it you know what she has to do (someone said re-read what you have written and think what you would tell that person). But I feel my brain is foggy now!