Brestine
Feb 13, 2011, 05:17 AM
I am and have always been bothered by my mother's behavior concerning her step sons grandchild, whom she adpopted when a baby so she is in reality her daughter. For more clarity on my mothers behavior.. a little history.. her first two children she abondended after her first marriage. She remarried and I came along (by an affiar she had, not by her husband)however, he had to pay child support while knowing this (RIP he has passed a few years back, that is when I found out just recently he wasn't my father ), they divorced. She remarried and her family grew to 3 step sons and a step daughter. My step brothers were older so I don't remember much time with them but I do remember time with my step sister,she was a year younger than me. My mother hated her and abused her and forced her out of the home at 14.
Time passed and she somehow (she is cunning) obtained my step brothers infant child. She sunk her claws in and wouldn't let go, she claimed the child was abused and born drug addicted (the father/my step brother is a preacher btw). She grabbed onto this child when I was getting old enough to move out (which I did when I hit 18) and during a time where she was getting closer to being left with no one but her husband.
She did not like her husband, my life growing up (1st grade to high school).. she always was on the run from him (yes, she left her step children behind during these times)she said he abused me and her so she may gain the service of woman shelters (this was not the case) I was not abused neither was she, but I believed we were by her stories and brainwashing. I didn't see the truth until I spent a long time away from her.
He always took her back. She came running back when she had to get a job and work and could not use the women shelter services anymore. Imagine the heart it took to take a woman who kept running away back, and to do it lovingly.
Then my neice/sister came along and both my step father and mother adopted her. I am not clear how my mother took my stepbrothers child, and how my step father was OK with it and how my step brother and father remained a respectfull and close relationship after my mother had done this. Fast forward to the future she did try to take my daughter as a toddler,she grew very angry with a vengeance when I wouldn't allow it. She quit talking to me and ignored her grand children after that for 5 years.
When mom obtained custody of my sister as an infant, moms morals grew worse.
I wasn't allowed around her much as a teenager, mom was protective, she had this child sleep in the same bed with her (said it was so she can make sure the dug addiction she was born with didn't affect her at night). This caused my step dad to sleep in another bed (a small day bed) while mom and my adopted sister slept in the king size bed. This went on for 9 years.(I believe much longer, but that's what they told everyone. My adopted sister grew up being taught and told she was going to be a nun by my mother, she was homeschooled and kept out of public school (not homeschooled by mom, mom had an 8th grade education). My adopted sister didn't have friends or knew of society or a world outside the home. She hasn't developed to this day social norms or appropriate behavior. Example, she is now 22, mom has taken her to visit her Aunt and my adopted sister became excited at the sight of a man (a young married man with his wife there) and climbed all over him and tried to wrestle around with him),they all laughed it off.
My step father has passed away from cancer just recently (she buried him with out shoes, I didn't catch on until it was too late, this still haunts me). She set up the funeral so her step children couldn't attend. If they leave flowers at the grave site she removes them and throws them away. An incident happened while all my stepfathers children were excerising their rights to attend the upcomining funeral arrangements. My adopted sister jumped up grew irate and kicked, screamed and cussed at her biological father (shes in her 20s not a child) I was horrifed and left. So did everyone else except mother and my adopted sister.
I forced my way back into my parents life, to be there for my step father while he suffered through cancer, I would stay the night during this time, and hear my step father rattle the hospital bed railing he was equipped with at home. My mom would say shhhh! He was slipping away, and at this time confused and incoherant.She left a lot (shopping and what not) with my adopted sister and I, and my teen children stayed by my step fathers side till the day he took his last breath.
Mom kept everyone's inheratince from all the children except my adopted sister, she filled her bedrooms with tons of junk she had bought which remains in heaps.
She does not even sleep in any of her bedrooms, she still sleeps with my mom at 21. I cringe when I see them kiss each other goodbye on the lips when one of them get the mail or run for milk. (not to offend anyone who is very close to their parent) I find this uncomfortable. It feels to me like mom is using my adopted sister for her own needs for a relationship only that a partner can provide. Mom has voiced that she's not ready for my adopted sister to find a boyfriend (this is foreign to her anyway) because mom is not ready for that. If My step sister or I mention anything about our comfort level with their odd relationship then we are accused of being jealous of her.
Its been hard for my step sister and I to have a sisterly relationship due to mom and her hate, and just the fact alone that I am my mothers daughter. I was raised to hate her and did not understand this as a child, at 14 she was taken from me so I went through jr high and high school alone, alone with mom and her ways. But was happy she was no longer abused. I remember a time when mom had her in a headlock ripping out her hair or told her father stories so twisted and extreme he would call her a whore. She was being set up and lied about. She did nothing more than a typical teenager did.
Currently, my adopted sister gave up being a nun and is now taking online classes so she may apply to be a cop. Mom tries to be inspiring to her and got her a k9 dog.
This large shedding, jumping dog is a nucense . It sits on the couches, rolls on the carpet.. and when you leave the house you are covered in dog hair from head to toe.My visits have stopped.
I am told that if I don't forgive then the people you have not forgiven remains in control over you due to the anger. So I try to remain as if all is normal, look the other direction and be the good daughter I am suppose to. On the other hand my step sister and I are developing a sister relationship that we missed out on. I almost feel like Im doing something bad by this, my mother and adpoted sister will be infuriated by this, she is already cranky with me for not keeping up with responding to her forwards in email or phone calls while Im asleep. Im at lost and confused, my mom and adopted sister feel they are holy (im not kidding) mom has came over to visit and said short prayers under her breath for my soul.. (in the past she has performed her own baptism on my children, I did not know of this until much later) they also believe they are better and smarter than just about everyone. It's their way or your wrong and worthless, they even condemn priests for (they phrase it as modern ways) and snubb their noses at anything other than their own belief system. My 17 yrold daughter has a hard time because my adopted sister looks at her as a tempted, disobiediant child because she has friends and school functions.
I apologize about the length of this,any misspellings and the jumping around of subjects and time frames as you can see I have a heavy heart and many things I have sort through and find closure with.I am greatly interested in anyone's opinion on to move forward and not look back or continue to be emotionally and spitually drained by being in my mothers and adpoted sisters life. I am exhausted from moms mind games and just cannot put up with her psychotic ways. I am sickened by how she is milking my step fathers death for attention, & sympathy. Folks, I sat there an watched her glow vibrantly at the reception after the funeral due to the attention and sympathy. They laughed as if it was a celebration.
Nowadays when I try to distance myself from those 2, my mother will say "I wish (my adpoted sister) would find a job with benefits so I can go home with my husband" (meaning die and go to heaven).She would be horrified if my adopted sister did have any form of independence.
She's trying to pull one of her games.
Thanks to all and anyone who can give a response.
Time passed and she somehow (she is cunning) obtained my step brothers infant child. She sunk her claws in and wouldn't let go, she claimed the child was abused and born drug addicted (the father/my step brother is a preacher btw). She grabbed onto this child when I was getting old enough to move out (which I did when I hit 18) and during a time where she was getting closer to being left with no one but her husband.
She did not like her husband, my life growing up (1st grade to high school).. she always was on the run from him (yes, she left her step children behind during these times)she said he abused me and her so she may gain the service of woman shelters (this was not the case) I was not abused neither was she, but I believed we were by her stories and brainwashing. I didn't see the truth until I spent a long time away from her.
He always took her back. She came running back when she had to get a job and work and could not use the women shelter services anymore. Imagine the heart it took to take a woman who kept running away back, and to do it lovingly.
Then my neice/sister came along and both my step father and mother adopted her. I am not clear how my mother took my stepbrothers child, and how my step father was OK with it and how my step brother and father remained a respectfull and close relationship after my mother had done this. Fast forward to the future she did try to take my daughter as a toddler,she grew very angry with a vengeance when I wouldn't allow it. She quit talking to me and ignored her grand children after that for 5 years.
When mom obtained custody of my sister as an infant, moms morals grew worse.
I wasn't allowed around her much as a teenager, mom was protective, she had this child sleep in the same bed with her (said it was so she can make sure the dug addiction she was born with didn't affect her at night). This caused my step dad to sleep in another bed (a small day bed) while mom and my adopted sister slept in the king size bed. This went on for 9 years.(I believe much longer, but that's what they told everyone. My adopted sister grew up being taught and told she was going to be a nun by my mother, she was homeschooled and kept out of public school (not homeschooled by mom, mom had an 8th grade education). My adopted sister didn't have friends or knew of society or a world outside the home. She hasn't developed to this day social norms or appropriate behavior. Example, she is now 22, mom has taken her to visit her Aunt and my adopted sister became excited at the sight of a man (a young married man with his wife there) and climbed all over him and tried to wrestle around with him),they all laughed it off.
My step father has passed away from cancer just recently (she buried him with out shoes, I didn't catch on until it was too late, this still haunts me). She set up the funeral so her step children couldn't attend. If they leave flowers at the grave site she removes them and throws them away. An incident happened while all my stepfathers children were excerising their rights to attend the upcomining funeral arrangements. My adopted sister jumped up grew irate and kicked, screamed and cussed at her biological father (shes in her 20s not a child) I was horrifed and left. So did everyone else except mother and my adopted sister.
I forced my way back into my parents life, to be there for my step father while he suffered through cancer, I would stay the night during this time, and hear my step father rattle the hospital bed railing he was equipped with at home. My mom would say shhhh! He was slipping away, and at this time confused and incoherant.She left a lot (shopping and what not) with my adopted sister and I, and my teen children stayed by my step fathers side till the day he took his last breath.
Mom kept everyone's inheratince from all the children except my adopted sister, she filled her bedrooms with tons of junk she had bought which remains in heaps.
She does not even sleep in any of her bedrooms, she still sleeps with my mom at 21. I cringe when I see them kiss each other goodbye on the lips when one of them get the mail or run for milk. (not to offend anyone who is very close to their parent) I find this uncomfortable. It feels to me like mom is using my adopted sister for her own needs for a relationship only that a partner can provide. Mom has voiced that she's not ready for my adopted sister to find a boyfriend (this is foreign to her anyway) because mom is not ready for that. If My step sister or I mention anything about our comfort level with their odd relationship then we are accused of being jealous of her.
Its been hard for my step sister and I to have a sisterly relationship due to mom and her hate, and just the fact alone that I am my mothers daughter. I was raised to hate her and did not understand this as a child, at 14 she was taken from me so I went through jr high and high school alone, alone with mom and her ways. But was happy she was no longer abused. I remember a time when mom had her in a headlock ripping out her hair or told her father stories so twisted and extreme he would call her a whore. She was being set up and lied about. She did nothing more than a typical teenager did.
Currently, my adopted sister gave up being a nun and is now taking online classes so she may apply to be a cop. Mom tries to be inspiring to her and got her a k9 dog.
This large shedding, jumping dog is a nucense . It sits on the couches, rolls on the carpet.. and when you leave the house you are covered in dog hair from head to toe.My visits have stopped.
I am told that if I don't forgive then the people you have not forgiven remains in control over you due to the anger. So I try to remain as if all is normal, look the other direction and be the good daughter I am suppose to. On the other hand my step sister and I are developing a sister relationship that we missed out on. I almost feel like Im doing something bad by this, my mother and adpoted sister will be infuriated by this, she is already cranky with me for not keeping up with responding to her forwards in email or phone calls while Im asleep. Im at lost and confused, my mom and adopted sister feel they are holy (im not kidding) mom has came over to visit and said short prayers under her breath for my soul.. (in the past she has performed her own baptism on my children, I did not know of this until much later) they also believe they are better and smarter than just about everyone. It's their way or your wrong and worthless, they even condemn priests for (they phrase it as modern ways) and snubb their noses at anything other than their own belief system. My 17 yrold daughter has a hard time because my adopted sister looks at her as a tempted, disobiediant child because she has friends and school functions.
I apologize about the length of this,any misspellings and the jumping around of subjects and time frames as you can see I have a heavy heart and many things I have sort through and find closure with.I am greatly interested in anyone's opinion on to move forward and not look back or continue to be emotionally and spitually drained by being in my mothers and adpoted sisters life. I am exhausted from moms mind games and just cannot put up with her psychotic ways. I am sickened by how she is milking my step fathers death for attention, & sympathy. Folks, I sat there an watched her glow vibrantly at the reception after the funeral due to the attention and sympathy. They laughed as if it was a celebration.
Nowadays when I try to distance myself from those 2, my mother will say "I wish (my adpoted sister) would find a job with benefits so I can go home with my husband" (meaning die and go to heaven).She would be horrified if my adopted sister did have any form of independence.
She's trying to pull one of her games.
Thanks to all and anyone who can give a response.