All right so here's what's up. I'm in college and I'm taking a class and there's this girl I can't get my mind off. She and I haven't talked in class and its already started since January... I'm really interested in her. She lives in a city that's 20 minutes from me. I also found out that she's two years older than I am. I remembered her name so I decided to search her up on a social network website and I found her, but... she's next to some guy and it seems like it's her boyfriend. Now I'm not the type of person to interfere in someone else's relationship, but it's just that I'm really interested in her and I'm kind of shy so I don't know what to say or talk about, or how to even start a conversation with her or at least become her friend. I know it's funny but she makes me want to stutter every time I see her. I have a big crush on her and I just want to get more involved but with the current situation I don't know what I should do.

I have been staring because I'm a day dreamer, but she hasn't given me much attention (not that I've tried something or have done something to get attention), so I started getting the feeling maybe she is not interested. Wouldn't she show interest on her own? Well I'm not good with relationships so I would not know. But I want to try this out, as she has sparked my eye for quite a while now. I want to at least become friends for the meantime, but in a casual way. How do you just do that from out of nowhere? In classes people come and go, and I don't want this case to be the same for neither of us if that makes any sense.

Well now that I look at the picture again I feel she really is taken... they are awfully close to one another...

Situation 1
Do one step at a time.
1) Become a friend and follower with her, and try to put a real picture of you up.
2) Talk to her with small talk for a while.
3) If she says you look familiar, tell her you are in her ____ class with her.
4) Become a lot closer with her, in real life. Ask for help, invite her to a little party with a couple other friends, make sure some of the friends are girls. Know her friends, but not to close, and like her hobbies.
5) Stand a little closer, if she doesn't move away, good. If she shuffles away, move back a little and become better friends.
6) flirt with her a little. Play fight or play hot-talk.
7) Ask her if she has a boyfriend. Chances are, she will think you are interested in her.
8) If yes, tell her that you have feelings for her or just get her to like you back by becoming better friends.
9) If she doesn't, take a leap of faith and ask her on a date. Have a plan in mind.


Situation 2
Not a good approach, but a quick one.
1) Tell her you like her, and do step above.

Thank you for the response, I will take it into consideration... I am also hoping for more advice.

Tell me everything that happens with you and her. I am quite good with relationships and advice. But I can't take my own. If there is a messaging system on here, I would like to know. If not, Tell me a website I can chat with you (Facebook would be best) and make another account and comment on here what that 2nd account is. When I friend/message you, you can tell me your real username/link to your account and forget that 2nd account.

All right, sure, I will do that... but I won't see her again till Monday so I'll comment then.

Everything starts with a simple greeting, a hi, or hello, and introduce yourself, and just become casually acquainted as classmates, and let classwork be the icebreaker for you. You can pretty much get comfortable speaking to her in this way without coming on as a stuttering dufus, and see how she reacts to you.

Naw some girls don't show interest, especially not to a stranger who they are in class with, and why should she? Go slow, and get to know who your dealing with before you start planning the names of your future babies, and see if the crush you have is real, or a passing fancy, or if she just looks good on the outside, but is a witch on the inside.

For sure being in the same class is a good chance to g to know her, but dating a classmate is another matter. If she rejects you its awkward, and if she ends up breaking your heart, or making you feel foolish, you still have to be in class with her. Just saying, don't get carried away, and pay attention .

Oh definitely well my plan is to just talk normal for now and become friends hopefully one step at a time and later maybe add her on that site and just keep in contact like that? I'm not sure if that was a good plan though. But I see her today ill try to start a conversation.

Ill tell you how it goes

Be yourself, and don't get carried away. The thing about attractions to others is paying attention, and keeping expectations very low. Most people don't take into consideration that the other person has feelings too, and they assume since they have intense crushes, so does the other person.

Even if they say they do, its seldom the same. Never presume, or assume the feelings of others, are the same as yours, especially when the words, and actions don't match, and never take whatever comes down personally. Coping with rejection is the whole point of taking a risk with your heart.

Thanks talan for your detailed answer. I will do just that. But right now do we start talking as friends or what? I tried today but I kind of looked at her while asking a question but another girl interefered. And we were leaving class but she went her separate ways and I was too chicken to say anything. I guess its because of that guy that was on her website. I don't want to add her because that would be creepy then to not talk in class. Hmm not sure how I should get the guts to make it all work and not be . She's really quiet and doesn't hardly talk to anybody besides very little out of a blue moon. Hmm I don't know what to do but start a conversation about classwork... ill try next class hopefully I don't chicken out this time.

Let it go for another day guy, completely, and find some other fun things to do. Did you manage to get her name, and give you hers?

Well I already know her name cause I remember since we all had to introduce ourselves. As far as talking and exchanging names formerly not at all, it was a total fail today.

You are in class with her, there will be other opportunities to talk. Just because you didn't get what you want doesn't mean it was a failure. Not by any means, just relax. Don't be so eager.

Thanks talan you motivate me I will try really hard in the next class and I will again update you on how it goes. Ill try to figure out what to say but genuinely.

All right, I tried really hard today but still nothing happened. Basically I invited the table to study... but no talking. Then I just said bye at the end. That's all that happened. What's wrong with me talan I don't know what I'm doing. I think I'm insecure because there was a guy offly close in the pic and maybe its her boyfriend, I don't know why am I acting so scared and stuttering turning red in the face and not knowing what to do its making me look weird lol.

Do this for me. Leave the girl alone. I mean alone.

I know that's disappointing here, but I have to be honest, you may not be that ready for trying to talk to a girl, one on one that you are attracted too. Your are trying to hard and that's not good.

Tell me about your friends, and social life, so far? Don't worry, your life story won't bother me, but I would like some background, about YOU, Your parents, High school experiences, brothers, sisters, just lay the story on me.

Well one of my parents is middle eastern the others american, I have no bros and sisses. I barely graduated from high school not too long ago and I'm currently trying to lose some weight I feel insecure. And about the girl I can't talk to her cause I don't know which opportunity is the right one without making it awkward. Or am I thinking too much and should just relax. The thought of her having a boyfriend is making me really uncomfortable too.I invited her table for a study group, hope it works but she didn't say anything... I won't give up though I just cant...

Relax guy. Start paying attention in this class. Pay attention to the teacher, and get this course down pat. And as you do, pay attention to everyone in your class, not just her, and learn who your classmates are.

Why is that important? So you are not the weird guy who sits alone, and stares at one female. Take your time, and practice looking at your class mates, and acknowledging them with a smile or greeting. I know, you may not be the chatty type, and that's okay, but just for now be the friendly type. See where I am going?

You need to practice the social skills of interacting with others, to gain some confidence, and make some friends. Matter of fact, start paying attention to everyone you encounter, class or not, and have a smile, and a greeting ready. Tell the guy you see in the mirror every morning how good of a guy he is.

Do these things for a few weeks, and not focus on this female so much, and try to learn about ALL your class mates. This will be excellent practice for patience and just relating to other humans and gain some confidence and show others you are happy with yourself. That makes you attractive to others, and approachable, without being awkward and eager.

Questions??

Nice thanks and ill keep your advice and will do that. I been pretty social though I'm not sitting alone its just after class where I would try to talk to her during class not so much though cause we are on different tables its just an occasional glance but yes I am going to do this.

And you know I'm a really social person and I always have been in every class I'm talking asking questions paying attention studying and I have a lot of friends in the class and I think out of everyone I'm one of the three most talkative I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing but its true. The thing is just when I really like a girl my face gets warm and I start going goo goo gaa gaa lol I know it sounds funny but if I were to go up to any other girl id do so with no problem and I done it before even if they were good looking but that's because I'm not attracted to them like I am to her, but I guess by me doing so its just making me overthink things and be a little weird. I'm going to talk to her next class period but start slow and not over think things and see how everything goes. No gameplan .just let everything flow.

Can I just continue to talk to her its what I really want

Why not, just don't lay it on to thick.

Game over, she has a boyfriend and he's all up on her on her profile pic kissing her. I guess I should just let it go, I like her and still am crushing on her but there's not much left to do at this point I guess. OK

Next time you're better off not looking a girl up on social networking sites. That way you won't get influenced.

For example, in your situation, had you not looked her up, then you would have spoken to her naturally. Then if you find out later from her that she has a boyfriend, at least you would have already developed some sort of friendship. It's better to wait for a girl to tell you herself that she has a boyfriend rather than stalking her on the Internet.

Yea your right well I checked but I never added her like I saw it on her profile because I wanted to add her.

But I ended up talking to her and she's such a cool girl we are talking more and more each time now and its been natural so I don't feel the need to even add her on there anymore. I saw her walk with her boyfriend out of class and I even saw them in the cafteria but they weren't talking at all and sitting so far from one another. I don't know what that means but little by little every time we go to class we're having more interaction so I'm really happy about this.

Good you are enjoying getting to know her, but don't get your hopes up, or get to deep you can't get out. Don't obsess with her, and don't revolve your life around her.

Stay balanced fella. And realistic.

Check this guideline out: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating/guidlines-what-do-do-if-person-like-already-relationship-463250.html

For some insights.

For sure thanks for the link ima check it out. Yeah I'm keeping my cool so far and so far its been working really good I hope it keeps doing so. I'm going to follow those guidelines and post back to you guys with more info.

For sure I'm going to stay balances and realistic and I think I'm going to take the waiting approach and see how it goes first

Waiting for what? Her changing her mind? Her dumping her boyfriend? Get another girl, and don't wait for this one, or let her distract you from other options, and opportunities.

Waiting to see what she does next is a perfect waste of time and energy, and smacks of false hope, a hidden agenda, and a lack of thoughtful control of yourself.

Not good, or very mature, or realistic.

Well I wasn't sure I just read the options off that guideline and chose that one I felt that was the safest to do. I think for now I'm just going to keep talking to her how I been doing since its been going smooth but at the same time I isn't going to have my hopes too high because at the end of the day right now she isn't single so there isn't no use but ill be there in case the opportunity rises, I mean ill stick around and try to make friends for now but I isn't going to try to make a move for sure until I think the coast is clear but in the meanwhile I'm not going to wait just on her you know, do you think that's a better approach

It's easy for people to tell you to find someone else, but if your heart isn't ready to give up yet, then be patient.

Just keep in mind that even if you decide to wait for her, it doesn't guarantee that she will come around to you. So you may be waiting for something that may never happen.

Like you said, she ain't single, and may never be, or may never be single for YOU! Back off and have other things, and people to enjoy and share with, never know who might be available for a nice date.

For sure waiting for her, like a vulture isn't attractive, and can hurt like hell when she doesn't feel the same way about you. As you may feel about her.

You are in the friend zone, not the romance zone. Don't forget that.

Hey, I know its been a while since I've posted. Yeah I don't think my heart is ready to give up yet so I will be patient because it means a lot to me. And if you ask me to tell you why I couldn't give you a reason why I feel this ones the one I just do and probably it makes no sense but I'm still feeling the same way even after all of this time. I did manage to talk to her a few times and a few times she talked with me too but then she gets accompanied with her boyfriend and then she takes off... it sucks I know. I'm not going to interfere but I'm just going to stick around anyway cause like I said its worth it to me (I still don't know why, but I feel she's the one)... as crazy as that may sound... I don't even get myself half the time but I guess my brain just works like that. And yeah well I like her a lot. She's been with the guy 3 yrs, almost 4, so that's a long time but whatever. I figured she just really is quiet as she talks with no one in class and that's what's made it harder for me but I just keep trying to better myself as a person first... since my last post I've lost about 15 pounds of body fat and I've been working out and just focusing on my studies. I don't think ill get over her, which is my weakness that ill have to live with I guess. I'm still trying to be her friend and get closer but in no way am I in a rush. There's nearly 3 weeks left of school and I'm just going to keep initiating conversations and keeping cool and just being myself... (ive learned to chill out over the course of this experience and just be myself)... and after the semesters over I'm just going to add her online and keep talking and ask if she wants to ever hang out just as friends or something. Yeah well that's the plan anyway. I know it may not seem worth it to people who read these posts and think I should just give up and there's no hope, but its just a feeling I get within me that hasn't changed so I hope it works but ill just keep on trying. I think things will fall into place. Ill keep giving you updates like before on what goes down though and I thank everyone for helping out and talanin a lot for the help. Ill keep you posted.

Thinking someone is the one, but they don't think you are the one, sounds crazy to me, but good luck.