I have been very close friends (friends with benefits) with this guy for over a year. At first it started as just physical, but over time we started hanging out more and taking trips together etc.. He was a couple years younger than me, never married. I on the other hand had two kids. My kids loved him and he loved my kids.

Everything was perfect and I didn't want it to end. This is where things went wrong... I had started a new job with the hopes of making a lot of money pretty quickly. I told him I got this high paying job and we both celebrated etc.. I was on cloud 9! The job ended up not happening and I couldn't bring myself to tell him I failed. So instead I made up a lie that I was promoted to director. He was so excited and asked if we could work together to get my company to work with his and this would be his big day. I didn't know how to tell him I was no longer working for them so instead I just said yes. I made up a fake boss with a fake email. I really truly tried to make the work happen for him but my old company wasn't interested. Instead of just telling him that I told him they might be hiring and I would out in a good word for him.

That's when the lies just got deeper and deeper. I started sending fake emails from my old boss to him just to keep him interested. After about 4 months he finlly put the pieces together and realized I had been lying. I tried to cover it up with more lies but he knew better than to believe any of it. He sent me an email saying how he wanted nothing to do with me anymore and that he is disgusted by me. He said the most hurtful things to me and wants nothing ore to do with me. I sent him a letter apologizing for what I did and explaining how the lie started. I gave him the whole truth.

Is there any chance of getting his friendship back? What should I do? Miss him so much. We used to talk and hang out everyday and I miss that. I had always been a good friend to him... I drove him around for almost a year because his car was broken, paid for majority of things, paid for our trips, cleaned his house.. I was always there when he needed me. How do I make things better with him?

In my opinion only--

You cannot say or do anything that will make him forgive you--NOTHING.

You just need to move on with your life, and learn from this experience. When you go to such extremes to make YOURSELF appear bigger and better then just being yourself in someone's eye's that is just a lose-lose situation. You not only lied, you messed with his head when dealing with his lively hood!!

In the future remember that you only have yourself to give and that no matter what type of job or how much you make should NEVER determine a friendship!!

Take care

Don't take this offensively, but this seems like it could be turned into a movie.

Anyway, I don't see a chance on him giving you another chance. You can always keep trying though.

Thank you both. I hate that I have to agree with you both. People make mistakes though. If someone had done this to me I would be able to forgive them. It would never go back to being the same, but I would at least let them try. But that's just me. I've had boyfriends/friends who have lied and cheated and I always gave them a second chance. I guess I was hoping he would do the same. Thanks for your thoughts!

You can always hope, the best you can do is keep trying. It never hurts to try.

Thank you! I will keep trying. And Of course, the company I am working for now has a position open and would give him the job. I'm not sure I should even mention it to him or have my boss call him? I'm sure he wouldn't believe it since I lied about having a job for him before. Would you be able to forgive someone who did that to you?

Sometimes things just take time. He might come around, you just never know. I would like to say that I could forgive someone for doing that but I don't know if I really could. Some people are worth second chances though, and hopefully you will be to him. I would write him another letter if I were you and try explaining things again, tell him about the job and tell him you are telling the truth this time and that you can prove it.

Let him go.

I think you have been attempting to 'buy' his friendship for a very long time. You say that the relationship started as purely physical. How quickly did the 'friendship' develop when he started needing things or you started paying?

I think you need to look at what extremes you are willing to go to in order to keep a man in your life. Being used for rides and perks? Accepting cheating? Making up stories that Hollywood or Soap Operas would have a hard time selling?

I think you need to feel better about yourself and learn to love who you are so that you can find the person who will enhance those feelings. You are special and you deserve some one who treats you that way. You deserve someone who you can feel safe being open with about the good things and the setbacks. Someone who truly shares your life-all the ups and downs.

Please take care of yourself.

Thanks! I will keep trying. Hopefully one day he will forgive me.

I don't want to let him go. I paid for everything because I knew he didn't have money and I wanted to help. It felt nice to take care of him. I know it will never go back to the same, but I just want his friendship back. We had such a great time together. It is def not like me to do that. I am very generous and caring toasted my friends. I am ashamed at what I did and would never ever do it again. I made a huge mistake... people make mistakes. I could forgive him if it was the other way around.

I can't say for certain, but it seems to me throughout this entire relationship you've been buying his affection.

Why on earth would you want to by his affection?
Perhaps it's just me, but I would like to be loved for who I am, and not what I can do for the other person!

You have done quite enough, now leave him alone, and let him get over feeling like a chump, and a fool.

Thanks to all for your help! I'm going to at least give it a couple more try's. If it doesn't work then I will just let him go and move on. I'm hoping that he remembers the kind of friend I was... not the friend who lied and made a huge mistake.

So how do I move on? It's all I think about. I keep going over and over in my mind why I just didn't tell him the truth to begin with. I miss him.

I'll be honest with you. I think on some level you knew that the relationship was based primarily on what you could do for him. First it was physical and then became taking care of him financially and by even cleaning his house. Other than being friends with your children, what has he done for you that didn't mean him getting more of his wants or needs met?

Think about it this way: If you hadn't lied, would he still be in your life? If you had told the truth, would you still be driving him around and paying for trips, etc. If the job had happened and you did get him more work, would he have moved on to the next person who could help him up the next rung of the ladder?

Letting go and moving on takes time and work. You have shown that you can be tenacious when you want something. Use that characteristic to help you in a positive way. There is a process called No Contact (NC) that is designed to help you move on. Simply put, NC is getting rid of all forms of contact you have the ex including phone numbers, email, social networking sites, etc. and not initiating or accepting any forms of contact with the person. This thread has more information on it: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/nc-rules-faqs-510423.html. Understand that we will still be here if you need more advice or want to rant. You can just keep adding to this thread.

Don't sit around thinking about him. If thoughts of him start intruding change the channel and get busy mentally and physically. Be involved in our life. Find things that help you feel good about yourself. Do things with your children. Some people find picking up a new hobby or bringing back an old one can help. For some exercise is the key. Re-decorating (just moving things around) can help change your thought processes. Taking a different route to work. Listen to different music. Expand your horizons. Get in touch with friends you have let slip away. Meet new people. Make new friends.

Learn to love yourself with all the passion that I think you put into loving others. Take care of yourself and your relationship with yourself.

Sabrina,

You move on because it's the right move for YOU. Im not going to sit here and say its going to be an easy situation to get over, it takes time.

Its hard when we have to ask ourselves " How did I allow myself" to fall for this person. We know deep down that they are never going to be there for us when we need them the most. We know it's a oneside love, but yet from reason we convenience ourselves if we just do more,love them more. But nothing is every good enough, because bottom line is they don't have any feels for us in return, except how to use other for their own benefits.

Now here is the hard part, there has to come a time were we finally wake up and start to strive to put our lives back on the right path, for our own benefit. I guess we all have to hit bottom to finally be able to get the strength to realize that we DO COUNT and that we DO deserve to love and mostly importantly be LOVED back!!

Keeping occupied will help a great deal. And I do mean occupied--take some classes, volunteer at woman's shelter or special olympics. I took some college courses, and different classes provided by my church. I did some volunteer work, I found that helping others does help you know what should be a priority in your life. I would also say do something you always wanted to try but never thought you had enough guts to do.

Keep us posted--Take care