Hi all. Let me explain the situation, sorry if its long:

My girlfriend and I have been together for 7 months, we've lived together for 4! She was my friend's older sister (2 years older than me), the girl we all had a crush on growing up and this summer we hooked up and got together. She had just gotten out of a 2 year relationship a month earlier, but we hit it off so well and our chemistry was so great, we decided to start a relationship.

The first few months were great... we couldn't get enough of each other. We saw each other every day and never got tired of it. She told me I was the man of her dreams, and I felt the same way. I had to be down near the city for school and she had just graduated and was looking for a job there. Both of our roommates bailed on us at the same time and we thought it was a sign and we decided to move in together. You have to understand, things were SO great for the first 3 months, it seemed like a great idea.

The next few months were up and down... typical for a couple who are now living together. We bumped heads now and then but in the end we were always fine. There were little things that irritated us about each other but we never let it affect much. She told me she thought I was going to be the one she would marry as recently as a month ago, and I felt the same way. We talked about where we would live next year and how we wanted to move out of our current apartment as recently as a week ago. We were always looking big picture, it never seemed realistic we would break up.

The problem is, for the last 3 months or so... I became very jealous. I would always get mad if she wore shirts too revealing or talked to other guys and I have no idea why. I have never been like that before and I wasn't like that when we first met which is the guy she loved. Eventually it started adding up and I could see she was getting irritated. The last month we really haven't been all that happy but we still loved each other and we blamed it on our struggles financially.


Fast forward to Sunday night. Im at home watching the Super Bowl at my parents, she's at her parents. We had planned to stay the night Sunday night at our parents but I had to be at work early on Monday. I told her I would go home that night and that she could just come back tomorrow and we would see each other Monday. She said OK and told me she loved me. She texted me at 9 saying she was going to bed and that she loved me and to call her when I got back safely. Around 11 30 I finally decided to head home but before, I decided to stop at her parents house to say goodnight to her. She wasn't there. Car was missing and everything. I tried calling and she didn't pick up. I waited 5 minutes and called again. Then I texted. I started freaking out because I thought it was incredibly sneaky. She finally text back a little later saying I was a psycho and she was out with her friend Ashlie (who is her ex-bf of two years brother's gf). They all used to hang out together and this girl was like her best friend. My girlfriend told me she was shutting off her phone, and she did. I was so furious, I left her a voicemail telling her it was sneaky, she knew I was calling and wouldn't pick up, didn't have the decency to let me know and that it was over and I couldn't trust her. She texted me 20 minutes later saying she didn't care, believe what I want, and bye bye psycho.

The next day I cleared my head and called her after she had written me a message on Facebook saying she was so dissapointed with me and thought maybe we weren't meant to be together. I apologized and told her that the jealous side wasn't me and I would change my ways and be the real me, the laid back guy she always knew. She started crying telling me she didn't know anymore and said she really never got over her last relationship.

All of a sudden this truth starting coming out that she still thought about her ex sometimes and has dreams about him. That's why she went out with Ashlie (the ex's brother's gf) because she wanted to talk to her about it. She told me she felt bad and said the last few months had been bad between us and she felt she wasn't giving me all of her. I told her to give it a chance and she agreed. She spent that night at her parents but text me all night even though she "wanted space".

Today, she came home and I saw her when I got back from work. She kissed me but her body language was awful. She wouldn't hold my hand and I knew something was wrong. I decided to have a talk and she said she didn't know what to do. She loved me but she hated my jealous side. I assured her it wasn't the real me and I promise to change. She thought we rushed moving in (which we did) and might have ruined it. She's stressed because she hates where we live and has no money for her student loans. She's confused about everything and wants to move home.

She said she never stopped loving her ex and dumped him because she knew she had to. I asked her why she said she loved me and she said because she does and when I asked her why she has these feelings now, she said "because I thought you were different, you used to be". As I said, I ruined it by being jealous. Tonight we just sat on the couch and didn't really talk. She seemed really out of it and like I said, wouldn't even touch me. When I asked why she said because she can't just snap out of it right away, She told me she just need space. She seems really confused and seems like she is going to end up moving home. I can just see it in her eyes. But when I asked her if she wanted to just end it, she said no. But I just saw on her computer that she was looking up how to break a lease.

So I guess I just need to hear an opinion from people. Is there any hope here? What should I do?

Sorry Connor, but this relationship is over there is no point making promises that you change, blah,blah because she just doesn't really care at this point. She is already several steps ahead of you on the closure part.

It time to for you to realize there nothing more you can to but to let her go. Keep your head up and most of all don't lose your composure. There is no sense in begging or even asking to be friends, just let her go. Oh, but make sure she is responsible for 1/2 of that lease!! In fact I would let her think you will be moving back with your folks so she doesn't try and stick you with paying all the lease!!

I know your hurting, and all I can say we on this site of been exactly were you are. Once she has left, go NO CONTACT that includes everything, cell,computer, and let friends know you don't want to know any up dates on her.

Don't go to any places you know she could be at. But, do make sure you get out with your friends, work out, do anything you can to stay occupied. Give yourself time to mourn this and to get over it BEFORE trying to get into a new relationship--you have experienced first hand what happens when someone doesn't take the time to heal and grow as an individual. Only after you have healed and really know what you want can to try a new relationship.

Take care

I understand, that's exactly what I think too but its weird because even though she was being really out of it last night, I called my best friend Kait while my girlfriend was sleeping and started talking to her. After I got off the phone, my girlfriend came storming in saying "Now its definitely over, i heard you talking about other girls, I don't care I don't love you anymore, I already found a new roommate whenever youre ready to move out" blah blah blah. So I told her to calm down, told her it wasn't like that, asked her who the new roommate was and that I'd gladly move out if she did have one, she wouldn't answer, and then when I asked if she really didn't want to be with me anymore she said "well, not right now" and I said well do you love me and she said "I dont know" and locked herself in our spare bedroom. Even when she's mad for some reason she can't just let me go when I'm allowing her to

So did you feel that jerk around the portion of your mouth when she replied "well, not right now" or "I dont know" that her keeping you hooked until SHE MAKES UP HER MIND. She doesn't want you making any type of moves until she has her "way out " plan in place. Right now the biggest thing on her mind is NOT you it's the LEASE!! Didn't you get it when she stated she was tired of not having money to go and do stuff. Im not saying that at her age everyone what's money to go partying or shopping, but it is really bothering her. But yet again you are dealing with a young lady who never took the time to heal and grow from her experience with last break up. She went right into a new relationship to get over the loneliness instead of facing it head on.

She will keep you hooked until she is ready to let go,until then you will more then likely keep up hope. All we can to is advise, and that is all it is personnel opinions based on our experiences either in our own lives or from different post. But the actual choices have to made by yourself.

We are here to help as much as we can, so just keep us posted.

Believe me, I really appreciate the advice you have given. It's exactly how I feel, I really don't have any hope that its going to work out but I wanted to hear it from somebody else before I confirmed it. Even though it wouldn't shock me if she really did come crawling back and everything will be normal a week from now because she is a little unstable (has mental and anxiety problems), I'm not counting on it at all and the best thing I'm going to do is move on and see what happens. The past few days have been really tough and its hard to focus but its because I am mentally preparing myself that it's over. So thank you for the advice and if anybody else would like to weigh in with some of their experiences, I would greatly appreciate it as well.

Your story is actually pretty typical of people who move to fast and think that that first wave of intense feelings will carry them forever. It never does.

But you have an additional problem, she had just gotten out of a long term relationship, and that makes you a rebound, a quick fix to help her get over the ex. . That seldom works either, but also look how fast you changed from the laid back guy, to the jealous emotional crazy guy who made her life even more complicated an miserable.

This was doomed from the beginning, and now its ending, so make this as quick and painless as possible so you both can heal properly, and get on with your lives apart. Hope you enjoyed it while it was good but now that it ain't move on. Don't wait for her.

I agree, this is typical behavior for unadjusted females that rebound, don't know what they want, but want someone to fill empty space, then want out.

Go NC.

There's no sense putting a hold on your life for someone that doesn't want you. Especially one that is unstable & is hung up on her ex.

You will thank yourself later.

Chalk this up to a learning experience & what kind of girl you really would like. It isn't her.

Be aware & discretionary from now on.

Hey guys, quick update on this situation. Today I decided to just cut off all contact, left this morning without saying goodbye, didn't text or anything all day, decided to go to a friends near by instead of home and my girlfriend ended up seeing me drive by the apartment when she was outside smoking a cigarette (something she picked up the past few days). All of a sudden I get a call from her. She tells me that my tail light is out. I said oh, didn't know thanks. She asks why I'm coming back from work so late. I told her I had to run errands and now Im going to my friends. She sounded concerned I could hear it in her voice. I told her I would come up to eat dinner but that I was leaving after. I went up to my apartment and she asked me if I noticed anything different. She had dyed her hair darker (the way I like it) and asked if I liked it. I told her it looked great and she gave me a kiss. I acted like nothing strange was going on and kept doing my bit of ignoring her. I made dinner and went into the other room to watch the Celtics-Lakers game. When I came back out to put my dishes away, she told me that I could watch the game out there with her if I wanted. I jokingly said, "why, you want to spend time with me?" and she nodded. That's when we hugged and kissed and made up. It was really weird because all day I had mentally prepared myself to not be with her anymore. I asked her when she decided to stay and she said "What do you mean, who said I'm staying?" then waited for my reaction until she started laughing. She said she never had to make a decision, she was just mad at me for our fight and because of a rent issue that pushed her over the top. I was about to ask her about the ex boyfriend until she told me she didn't want to talk about everything right now so I decided to just let it go. I'll ask her a few days from now if things continue to go well. I really love this girl, so I'm willing to give it another chance and see if I just be myself, if our relationship can get back to the way it was. Turns out all she really did need was a little space. I guess the lesson out there to people in similar situations is that the only thing you can do is give her space, try to move on, and not nag or beg her to take you back. If you just agree with it and act like you're going to let her leave, if she truly loves you she will miss you. Everybody gave great advice on this thread, so listen up and also take this as an example that giving space can work and there is some hope out there for if you play it right. Whether Thanks everyone.

I would beware. She's sneaky don't forget.

Still think she's playing you. Even tough you want otherwise & forgot things like: "ask her about the ex boyfriend until she told me she didnt want to talk about everything right now"

If I were you, I would stop seeing her.

She'll always use you. She's that type.

Same crap diff day.

Believe me, I'm still very weary because of the ex-boyfriend aspect. This morning, when she went to take the dogs out, I decided to look at her phone to see if she had been talking to him. I didn't get a good look at it, but she had a text from a guy named Mike M. that said something with the words "always always love you" and "C P" (which is her boyfriends name). I didn't get a good chance to look because she came back inside. I put the phone down and continued on with my morning. She came into the bathroom with a look on her face and said, "were you looking at my phone". I told her sort of, I didn't read the texts but I wanted to see who you were talking to. I asked her that Mike guy was. She said it was C (her ex). She finally admitted everything to me about it. I guess he had been texting her for months with little drunk messages about how he missed her and she just ignored him all that time. I guess recently she started texting back when things got bad between me and her. He would keep texting her old memories they used to have and fun things they did together and it made her miss him because her and I had been struggling and hadn't had fun for months. She admitted to talking to him on the phone a few days before and realized there was nothing there, that he was the same person he always was. She told me she'll always love him but that text I was referring to was her saying "I'll always always love you CP, but I can't talk to you anymore." And she told me that she just needs to cut the poison out of her life and cut him out completely. She told me she just needed that closure because it never really happened. She dumped him and then just ignored him and went on with her life until she met me. She said she needed these past few days to talk to him and get that closure. She also promised she didn't see him and only had been talking to him these past few days and that she loves me.

Other than that, she has never been sneaky in our relationship. She's been very open and honest with me, she doesn't hide anything in her phone (obviously except for with him, so I believe I can slowly start trusting her again if she earns it. It still bothers me that she was talking to him and I just wonder what they were saying and what she may have said to him. I asked her if I could read the conversation and she responded "no because you need to trust me". I would obviously feel a lot better if I could read but I'm sure she's probably going to delete it.

Anyway, thanks for the advice. And believe me when I say I will be very cautious as we continue this relationship and it will take a while for me to completely give myself 100% back to her.