I'm trying to keep it as short as possible. m21 f20

My GF and I got along perfectly. We are very comfortable around each other and always laughed at the fact that we behaved after 3 months like others behave after 2 years (we always resolved problems by talking directly, never played games, etc).

Her ex-boyfriend is 1 year younger than her and with a slightly lower IQ. He never accepted the fact that she broke up with him and he thought he was betrayed when she hooked up with me (they were only 'friends with benefits' for the last 6 months). This made him act like an idiot and call her extremely religious parents telling them about her sex life and the fact that she took drugs (she only smoked pot occasionally, but try explaining that to some very religious people). She also had some problems in school at that time. He also started to hit her when they met once, calling her a slut etc. Luckily one of my friends was in the area and intervened.

We managed to get over it and with time passing, she was starting to get along with her parents again (of course, they didn't forget her 100%). Sometimes I admit I acted like a jerk and didn't treat her right. After 6 months, while I was on a 2 week trip she started talking to her ex again. When I came back, she said she doesn't know if we should still be together. I said OK and she told me about talking to her ex. I couldn't understand why would she degrade herself talking to that ******* again and explained to her that I wouldn't have a problem if she dated anyone but him.

I think that she broke up with me as a cry for help, she never wanted that from the beginning, we got back together and I changed from then on, not being a jerk all the time. She still kept in touch with her ex but didn't spoke with him that much, until one day when I told her it's him or me. Of course she didn't had any problem choosing.

It's been an year since we've been together and recently we had a 3-4 day period when we'd fight constantly. She also told me she wants to break up but reconsidered after that. Yesterday we planned to meet but had an argument again. Today I checked her IM archive because she was acting strangely even after we made up last night. I found out that she spoke with her ex just before we had the fight and it was strange because she blocked him on her IM a while ago.

So my question is, why is she always unblocking him when we have a huge fight that can lead to a break up and why doesn't she have any pride when it comes to that guy? He basically ruined her relationship with her parents for years to come, slapped her in the middle of the street and blackmailed her threatening to call her folks if she didn't gave him some money she owed him. I'm more angry at the fact that she's making a fool out of herself, rather than the fact that she talked to him again.

She says she loves me. Could the ex be just a way to go back in time and remember her 'perfect' relationship when we have nasty periods in ours? He always pampered her and she was his princess, they never fought because he always did what ever she wanted. I never do that, I behave like a grown up should behave in a relationship. She says she doesn't think I love her from time to time. Of course I show I love her now and then, but I'm not like the other guy always up and ready to serve, and I will never be like that. She broke up with him because she got bored that he didn't had a personality. He still loves her.

Although I'm pretty confident she won't cheat on me with that guy, I still don't know why she has to get in touch again with him every time we have a huge fight that could lead to us breaking up. It's like she wants to have a backup ready just in case. I could be OK with that if it wasn't specifically that guy.

If you could be OK with her leaving you for someone else as long as it's not that guy, what's up with you? Does not sound like you are all that tight with her yourself.

It seems she has an attachment to this guy that you don't understand, so let her go. Don't keep her just to keep her away from him.
You said you don't treat her so well sometimes either so she really needs to be away from both of you.

Listen very carefully. Doesn't matter what you want. She can break up with you anytime, and do whatever she wishes. Are you listening? She doesn't have to break up with you to be with this other guy. She already has him, and you too!

No wait, HE has HER, and SHE has YOU, but YOU think YOU have HER.

Understand? Me neither. That's why I would cut my losses, and find someone I could understand.

Ok as in 'I accept the fact that you don't want to be together and I won't stand in your way'. And yea, I don't understand that attachment at all.

Of course she's not my property, but It's very odd why would she do that when there are plenty of fish in the sea with higher IQ that didn't ruined her relationship with her parents (which she highly values).

And you may never understand, but you don't hang on to a girl just to keep her from a certain person. That is messed up.

Never be too sure of anyone but yourself. Just when you get over-confident is when life comes around and slaps you back down to size to teach those hard lessons!!

Its not a persons IQ that keeps a person around it's the personality!! For whatever reason she has that special connection with this old boyfriend, it could be because he was her first true love. You continuously putting him down by saying his IQ is lower and trying to remind her of what he did her apparently Isn't working so stop lowering yourself to that level, makes you appear to be an A**!

Keep going on with your life, if she cannot get on board the so be it, move on and be done with it. You cannot keep living in emotional turmoil, of not knowing when,if,how she may put an end to this relationship anyway.

Take care

Doesn't seem like she knows what she wants. Better back away from her until she figures it out. If she comes back to you, you want her to be 100% committed instead of dragging things out by leading each other on.

That being said, from what you told us, it doesn't seem like she will be able to let her ex go that easily. Who knows if and when she can let him go completely. Therefore, is it really worth waiting around for something that may never happen?