This is a long story... I started going out with my boyfriend four years ago when we were both 16 and there is no other way to describe it but we fell head over heels in love with each other. Then things started to go abit sour and he started ignoring me and stuff so in the end we ended up breaking up. I was literally so devastated it felt like the world had ended.. anyone who has been through a break up knows the feeling I am talking about, especially because this was my first boyfriend and first love and I couldn't understand how it went wrong and why he was being a **** basically...

we didn't speak for a while over summer and both went and lived the summer as singletons... then we got talking again just seeing how each other were and I still had feelings for him and I realised like **** I really miss him still we get on like a house on fire and we used to talk till really late.. we both used to make sure we would 'accidently' bump into each other on a night out.. so we could see each other.. then used to have massive talks about how we miss each other.. then we would end up sleeping together and I would be happy and he acted happy, but then the next day he would just ignore me again.. so I would be like what is going on.. and he did this several times and I fell for it every time, he even came to my house at christmas and told me he wanted to get back together so we were planning to.. then the next day he ignored me again so I was just so confused and it was my 18th birthday that weekend, and he didn't even say happy birthday to me.

So obviously he was just being a ****... then I think it started to click in my head I can't keep doing this.. I had had enough. I went out to a party and ended up meeting this guy who we seemed to just click and he had a girlfriend and we ended up kissing that night and he finished his girlfriend then... I was happy because this was the first guy I actually liked since... so we continued texting and started meeting up and then we decided to be boyfriend and girlfriend.. I did tell him about my ex and what had happened and maybe I should'nt because in the end he got really paroniod about it..

my feelings did start to go for my ex boyfriend and I was really happy with my new boyfriend. 6 months went by and I hadn't spoke to my ex boyfriend, then one night we just started speaking on Facebook chat just the usual hi you okay? And then it started happening more frequently and we started talking for longer even hours again.. then I'd be like **** because I did love the guy I was with but it felt so natural with my ex boyfriend I couldn't literally help it.

I did respect my boyfriend I was with and I did not want to mess him about, I convinced myself in my head that me and my ex were just 'friends' and there was nothing else to it because he knew I had a boyfriend we didn't actually speak about each other and feelings it was just literally talking and talking about random things. My ex boyfirend got a girlfriend and we used to even give each other relationship advice and I wasn't even botherd.. but it got to the point where we were really close I could talk to him more than I could my own boyfriend.. but knowing what my ex boyfriend did to me in the past I knew I couldn't go back to I tried to hard to make it work with my new boyfriend..

in the end my ex boyfriend got sick of it because he knew I used to talk to my ex and even though it wasn't sexual he was just jelous and thought we still loved each other... and he was actually right. One night my ex boyfriend majorly confessed to me and I knew it was coming because our texting was getting intense actually he got obsessed with me and I was actually laughing because the tables had turned so much.. but I told him I was happy in a relationship and that we can't speak anymore so this lasted about 3weeks.

in this time I was confused I didn't want my ex because of what he did but it felt so right. I ended up giving in and just started speaking to him. This obviously put a strain on my relationship with the guy I was going out with because I shouldn't of really been with him. I didn't want to leave my boyfriend for my ex. Because I did actually care and love him to. So I was in a massive dilema for ages like what to do? In the end my boyfriend finshed me and I was totally upset even though I knew we wasn't meant to be together... so inevitably I started seeing my ex straight away.. actually the day that relationship ended... I still had to get over the relationship I had just been in as I went out with the guy for a year and we went on holidays and everything... I was really happy I was back seeing my first love and we were really happy.. we was taking it slow though because I didn't want to mess him about and just seeing him because I needed a boyfriend and someone there...

weeks went by and we were happy but was getting to the point where I wanted him to be my proper boyfriend.. and I tried to tell him that but he said that we didn't need a Facebook title because we act like boyfriend and girlfrined so we are.. this kind of got me thinking I was like yeah we don't.. but we do really? I ended up kissing a guy in front of him when I was drunk and I don't actually remember doing it and he was really upset and I was really sorry, I only could think I did it to get a reaction out of him and step it up and say we should have a title.. but I did break his trust.. and I do always go out and get drunk and most of the time can't remember things so he kind of doesn't 100 percent trust me when I'm out now.

After this we ended up making friends and was really good and called each other and everyone knew we were boyfriend and girlfriend.. but still not on fb. But then we never seemed to have the opportunity to have sex because he works so much so I'd just go round to his for abit or he came mine we end up chilling and getting on and kissing and cuddling... and it just never happened. So I started to realise this is abit of an issue now, I can't have a boyfriend who I don't sleep with it can't be right. When I look around some couples are really lovey dovey and I want us to be more like that...

He then went out the other night and got really drunk and ended up kissing a girl... he told me straight away and he was sorry.. but then we both said that this has just highlighted that we have got an issue because if we were completely happy with me no matter how drunk he got he wouldn't of cheated on me... soo now were in a situation... we both love each other and care enormous amounts for each other and are so similar in so many ways we think the same and we are like the male and female versions of each other... but now we can't understand why we are not lovey dovey and the way other couples are and why we haven't had sex. Because we both want it to work so much, we both said we literally ever not want to not speak to each other and its not possible we get on too well... so we were thinking are we just really really best friends and not meant to be boyfriend and girlfriend?.

But then we keep thinking we do fancy each other and we do want to do it... but we don't know why its not... its like we've got this boundary and I can't understand it... I think one of the issues is that he works all the time and gets stressed out with his job, then we are both very social people and will not miss out on a night out with our mates, because were young and we shouldn't... although sometimes he does take the piss abit and like will stay over a night out in liverpool with his mates... even though he has work the next day.. but won't stay at my house and then go to work... so this surly can't be right. I always seem to be last on the list.. even though he tells me I am not and that he just tries to balance everything out but it seems that I always come last..

We think so much of each other we don't know what to do at all because we don't want to force sex because surly it should just happen..?

You need to summarize a situation, please, not tell a long rambling story. I couldn't read past the first third or so, and I don't think many will.
Two thoughts: you are still very young, and other couples aren't what they appear.

Don't get hung up on what life and relationships are supposed to be. If there's no sex but a close bond with tenderness and love, and a need to work long hours PLUS have time for other friends (important), then why worry, and who needs to know? Yes, you may eventually be sort of home base for each other while you explore other people, many of whom will fail you in some way of course, so it's nice to have a comfortable person to go to.

You are right it is a very rambling story-sorry about that!. basically I've been seening a guy since I was 16 and believe that we are meant to be together.. we've been together and apart and with other people since our first break up and some how keep finding ourself back together but then something always seems to go wrong, and now we haven't been having sex and other stuff.. so we are on a break because we don't know if it is normal as being young and watching and hearing other peoples relationship... and our's is not as physical... we both are open and talk about it as we are very close and we just don't know what to do because we feel like we can't go in circles for ever.

Thank you for your advise I do know what you mean though, other couples are not what they appear... and we are young.. I think that is a big thing it's hard to live a hetic social life, work and have a girlfriend or boyfriend... but should you not want to have sex and be intimate with each other and it just happen... or am I really not the right girl for him, who he would call a night off with the lads and stay in with me.

It sounds like you have a great friendship if you would stop worrying how things look, or how you think they are supposed to be as a couple defines their own relationship. What's disturbing is that when you're are apart you turn into a lying, cheating, drunk and that can't be good either.

Maybe he is too I don't know, but you may as well enjoy this fun time in your life because all good things come to an end eventually and you will solve your issues with each other or move on to better things.


I didn't want to mess him about and just seeing him because I needed a boyfriend and someone there...
This from a female that can jump from one guy to another quicker than you can bat an eye?

I don't quite understand what you mean by the last bit... I do not believe I can jump from one guy to another quicker than you can bat an eye, what I meant by what you quoted is that when I split up with my boyfriend at the time, I knew I wanted to be with my first love but I had to have abit of time to clear my head from my ex boyfriend to make sure my feelings were true...

What can we do to improve our relationship and move forward from this situation?

Let things happen naturally. Keep talking about it.