jkslrt
Feb 6, 2011, 10:55 PM
I dated my best friend for a month two years ago and we mutually broke up because it just didn't feel right. Since then, we've been best friends. We've helped each other in enormous ways when we've been at our worst. We genuinely enjoy eachother's company and we're heading the same direction in life. We share the same core values and faith. We even compliment each other, (he's way logical and I'm way creative). I would sometimes have romantic feelings for him during that time but not very often.
Since our fist dating attempt, I tried being in two relationships with guys who are in many ways opposite to my boyfriend. They just weren't meant to be. They each lasted about month. He dated no one.
Three months ago I decided a whim I wanted to be in a relationship with my best friend again. We cared for each other so deeply and I was more mature so I thought, why not?
In the first month of our relationship I had to get over the fact that I wasn't physically attracted to him and the fact that he is financially barely scraping by. I had to accept the fact that he's a clinical genius, thus can correct everything that comes out of my mouth with total accuracy and will talk 6 or 7 times more than me. I kept reminding myself that he sincerely loves me, I love him. He has to be broke for a while before he can achieve his dream (getting a PHD in philosophy). With that, we have a similar call in life. I can get over looks and money and status- they're all superficial. God provides and real love looks past looks and flaws. A person's heart and character are the most important things.
SO throughout our short relationship I've had to deal with us constantly fighting. He says and does things that hurt and offend me all the time (and vice-verca). The hurting is not intentional. He's just insensitive and I react to his gestures with irrational fear many times. Granted these fights have raised many issues we've kept private, (fear of abandonment etc... ). They have to be healed to be in a relationship period. That's been the good part. And we always work our fights out. In fact, my BF is very good about apologizing and making things right. Because he cares, he makes mental notes of what bugs me and he tries to avoid them.
However it's been getting to the point where everything he does annoys me- his constant talking, his insensitivity, his diet, his appearance, his opinions, the "cutesy" talk we share, even his dream in life, (which are beautiful and worthy of admiration).
Not to mention on several occasions, before and during our relationship, I've been really attracted to other men who are not like my boyfriend at all.
So here's my dileamna, on the one hand I have a man who has a heart of gold, amazing character and integrity, loves me, knows me, cherishes me, keeps the same core values and faith. On the other hand, I'm occasionally attracted to him and am getting tired of being around his strong personality. We still fight a lot.
As an aside, I'm a hard girl to match in that most men I meet bore me. My boyfriend is one of the rare people who doesn't bore me. (My high school sweet heart was a genus as well). So many guys are "douche bags" even the ones in my faith where my BF is not one. I'm afraid if I break up with my BF I'll be making a huge mistake and I will never find anyone as loving and loyal who has such a beautiful dream for life.
Should I just stick it out? Is this just a fear of commitment? I don't know what it's like being in a serious relationship so I don't know if this is normal.
Thanks.
Since our fist dating attempt, I tried being in two relationships with guys who are in many ways opposite to my boyfriend. They just weren't meant to be. They each lasted about month. He dated no one.
Three months ago I decided a whim I wanted to be in a relationship with my best friend again. We cared for each other so deeply and I was more mature so I thought, why not?
In the first month of our relationship I had to get over the fact that I wasn't physically attracted to him and the fact that he is financially barely scraping by. I had to accept the fact that he's a clinical genius, thus can correct everything that comes out of my mouth with total accuracy and will talk 6 or 7 times more than me. I kept reminding myself that he sincerely loves me, I love him. He has to be broke for a while before he can achieve his dream (getting a PHD in philosophy). With that, we have a similar call in life. I can get over looks and money and status- they're all superficial. God provides and real love looks past looks and flaws. A person's heart and character are the most important things.
SO throughout our short relationship I've had to deal with us constantly fighting. He says and does things that hurt and offend me all the time (and vice-verca). The hurting is not intentional. He's just insensitive and I react to his gestures with irrational fear many times. Granted these fights have raised many issues we've kept private, (fear of abandonment etc... ). They have to be healed to be in a relationship period. That's been the good part. And we always work our fights out. In fact, my BF is very good about apologizing and making things right. Because he cares, he makes mental notes of what bugs me and he tries to avoid them.
However it's been getting to the point where everything he does annoys me- his constant talking, his insensitivity, his diet, his appearance, his opinions, the "cutesy" talk we share, even his dream in life, (which are beautiful and worthy of admiration).
Not to mention on several occasions, before and during our relationship, I've been really attracted to other men who are not like my boyfriend at all.
So here's my dileamna, on the one hand I have a man who has a heart of gold, amazing character and integrity, loves me, knows me, cherishes me, keeps the same core values and faith. On the other hand, I'm occasionally attracted to him and am getting tired of being around his strong personality. We still fight a lot.
As an aside, I'm a hard girl to match in that most men I meet bore me. My boyfriend is one of the rare people who doesn't bore me. (My high school sweet heart was a genus as well). So many guys are "douche bags" even the ones in my faith where my BF is not one. I'm afraid if I break up with my BF I'll be making a huge mistake and I will never find anyone as loving and loyal who has such a beautiful dream for life.
Should I just stick it out? Is this just a fear of commitment? I don't know what it's like being in a serious relationship so I don't know if this is normal.
Thanks.