Hey...
So I've been with my boyfriend a year, we have a holiday booked... he is my absolute soul mate... when I met him he made me feel so happy and confident and great about myself...

Surely enough it stopped...
He drinks a fair bit... and a few times he has text me while out with his mates having a go and upsetting me obviously me being a girl first thing I'm worrying about is 'oh god is he going to meet someone else in town now?' pretty silly really.

He started being really sly and off with me... I looked through his phone (stupid I no wrong idea big time!) he had text a girl we both know when he was drunk asking her where she was and that he liked her loads... it broke my heart... I confronted him and he comforted me for about a minute before he pushed me away and said 'if your going to keep on crying just go home' So I got over that pretty quicker but I started to wonder whether I was ugly and boring? Whether he was going to do this all the time when he was drinking and what if she wasn't asleep when hed text? Would he have cheated..

These questions built up in my mind... until he left his Facebook logged on, on my laptop... his exs sister had emailed him saying that his ex was going into labour and he was going to have a son today...

Yeah... great.
So I confronted him about that... he was comforting and reassured me it wasn't his.

Then he ex emailed me the other week and told me it was his child and that he pays over £100 a month through the csa for his son and that they contact using his old phone.

I guess all the paranoia took over me and I found his old phone in his room... I thought if this were true... he would notice it was missing... if not he wouldn't be that bothered as it was an old phone and I could return it the day after.
That night I got a text saying to return his old phone or we were over... Obviously I denied having it... then he said he knows I have it and to return it and we'll just forget it happened and start fresh...

He wouldn't meet up with me to return it for 12 days and I begged him to forgive me and just give it a chance... we met up last Wednesday and he said 'lets just forget it happened and move on' I knew this was a bad idea something was bound to be brought up... and it was on Thursday we had another argument over text and he left me again. That night I told him that I wasn't going to chase him anymore and that if we had sat down and spoke this through on the Wednesday we wouldn't of have that argument again... so we agreed to meet up last night. We just got on as normal and he said 'look I know we haven't spoken about it but we haven't argued its little things like that that's going to make it work'

So now I'm just damn right confused...
Should we be together, why is it I do all the running around and caring... I've got 100 days till we go on holiday and I don't even no if we are going. Arghhh :( I know what I did was wrong I admit it was foolish of me but I just don't no what to do. Thanks

It sounds like there's a lot of verbal and emotional abuse going on, back and forth. Neither of you trust the other.

Tell me why you should be together. I don't see it as ever working. There's no trust between you. (I said that already -- must be there's a strong indicator in what you wrote... )

Yeah, I don't see it working too much myself really. But I thought id give it a chance because I don't want to look back and regret not trying... I just don't think its worth the hassle anymore he has no respect for my feelings what so ever. :(

It sounds like you have given the situation several tries and lots of tears. Move on, and don't look back. There's someone out there deserving of you who will treat you as well as you deserve.

Drop the guilt that your deceitful, dishonest, manipulative partner has flipped on you, to avoid blame, and responsibility from his actions, that you have discovered. It ain't you, its him, and you would know that if you would stop taking any blame for what he has done.

Call off the holiday, destroy his phone, and disappear from his life, as no way do you deserve a lying, cheating, drunkard, who cares only for himself, and not his partner.

You should be outraged at this treatment, not guilty.