Asked this same question in Dating category. Figured I would get better answers here in Relationships. I will try to keep this as short as possible. Please bear with me, I am in desperate need of help.

I think one important thing to keep in mind throughout this is that I have struggled with depression for years and just recently got help for it. So me and my, now ex, girlfriend dated for about 4 years and 2 months. I'm 20 and she is 19. We started dating when we were sophomores in high school. We were sure that we were loves of each other's lives by our 3rd year of dating which was our freshman year of college. We were even looking at engagement rings a couple of months before we broke up.

After our first year of college we moved back to our home town because we both had full time summer jobs waiting on us. During the summer I decided to take a semester off school to pay off some of my bills. (car loan, repairs, ect) After summer she moved back up to "the city" to start college again and I stayed back home to work. That only lasted about a month then I quit to move up there to be with her again. (For the record we never lived together. We are both strong believers in Christ and try to keep those things sacred for marriage.) But after moving things turned south for me. I could not find a job anywhere and I wasn't in school so I was spending eight hours a day by myself. And anyone who has delt with depression knows that being alone and shut down from every job application you turn in is really hard on yourself and triggers depression. Eventually these thoughts of doubt and questioning of my relationship ran my world. This was before I went to the doctor for depression.

On top of all this, my girlfriend had no time for me since she was busy with school and work. This may sound like I'm over exaggerating a lot but you have to believe me I'm not; the only time I would get to see her was after work when we would eat dinner then she would start her homework. We couldn't even talk while she was doing homework so from 7pm to midnight I would surf the web while she did homework then I would go home and go to bed. Weekends were the same too. We had no life together, no communication.

Eventually after all this wore down on me my depression got so bad that I would never even say a word to her, or anyone. I would just never talk. I would write 4-5 pages a day in my journal but never tell my feelings to anyone. I wrote my girlfriend a letter one day telling her why I've been so depressed and what I thought was wrong in our relationship including how I'm not a romantic like she wants and other things. I made a mistake with that. It was my depression talking and everything was misunderstood by her. She took it as a break up letter even though I persisted it wasn't. We agreed to take a little break (3 or 4 days) and I would go back home and go to the doctor for my depression and after that I would tell her if I wanted to work it out or not. I got medication for my depression and told her I wanted to try to work it out. I said it may take a while for my improvements to show since I'm barely starting my meds. After a week or two she said I was a little better but not much. I told her I was still trying. Then one Friday after eating with some friends she told me she thought we needed another break. She said if I wanted to I could change my status to "single". I asked if it was a break up or a break and she avoided the question. I left my status to "in a relationship" then a week later she said she was going to "single".

That was mid November and by mid December she had already met another guy. They are dating now but I still love her like the day when we were looking for engagement rings. It kills me to know she is happy with another guy when she repeatedly told me we had a once in a lifetime love. Now I cry almost every day because I want her back but have no idea how to go about it. My ex-girlfriends mom told me just the other day that they still love me like a son and she hopes that we end up together. I said me too. My mom thinks I should give her space and my dad thinks I should try and be her friend and just be sweet to her occasionally. At this point she won't talk to me. MAYBE once or twice a month.

Once again I'm sorry it is such a long story. I just feel that you need to know the whole story to give the best advice possible. I don't know where to go from here I just know that I want her back and I want to get our lives back on track together.

Sorry to read about your breakup.


We had no life together, no communication.

Depression or not , no relationship can last in this situation.

Having gone through depression once I know that it can be very trying on a relationship... it is often very poorly understood by your partner and no matter how much you would like them to understand they really can't relate to what you're going through or how you feel. There is really not much you can do about that .

I agree with your mom in that you need to give you're ex space, accept the breakup. At your age you had a good 4 yrs and it's always a very dyamic time for anyone. But, look at it this way, you have the opportunity to focus solely on yourself. Time to get this depression undercontrol and get happy again... if you don't it will affect all kinds of relationships( romantic, work, friendships, etc). Seems like it was your girlfriend that was holding you up... you need to be in a place where you can hold yourself up( and keep it that way), be happy with yourself. I believe that is what your girlfriend, or any girl for that matter, wants to see.

Post breakup's are hard times. It's important that you don't huddle around in isolation... go hang out with friends, family. As for your ex, well, nothing will bring her back except herself. Best of luck to you.

Going through a break up like this is very devastating. We feel like our world has come to an end. You will need to take the time to mourn your loss. Then you will need to pick yourself up and go on with your life.

There must be a reason why this door was shut, perhaps God has decided you need to grow from this break and take this experience through a new door of opportunity. I was once told when I was going through my break up that once I had stop feeling sorry for myself, that I should start celebrating that something great must be coming into my life. That without this pain, I wouldn't know how to truly appreciate what was comming---She was right!

You need to go NO CONTACT--take it from me, trying to be friends or have any type of contact will only prolong the pain for you. She will still be moving on, while you are still trying to be satisfied with any little bit of crumbs thrown your way.

This healing will not happen overnight, or be easy. But life does go on, what we make of that new life is up to us. Keep on your medication, get out of house even if its only to work out or be with friends. Don't try and be around her friends or family--its time to get YOUR life on track.

Take care

After a devastating break up of a long relationship, its understandable to be depressed, any one would be. Inform your doctor of what has been gong on in your life, both the break up, and lack of work, and then get yourself back home and see if your old job is still available and start rebuilding your life. That's only a start, because the hardest part is LEAVING HER ALONE.

That's how you get YOUR life back on track, and get yourself back together, and let everything else That's BEYOND YOUR CONTROL, go for the time being while you get your feet back under you.

I'm sorry to hear about your break up friend. I went through a particularly difficult one myself not too long ago so I know how painful it can be.

After some time of grieving and pain, you will slowly begin to realize that this truly did happen for various different reasons, all of which are of the utmost benefit to YOU as a person. You have already admitted that you suffer from depression, your career needs attention and you find it difficult to share your emotions. The time you have now is to look inside yourself and start to improve all aspects that need care and attention. Then before you know it, you'll have become a much stronger person, you'll stand up tall and proud and see how much better you are now then you ever were before. Not only that but you will be much better placed to be in a stronger, safer relationship.

You believe in God so turn to him now and truly believe that this happened for all the right reasons, as much as it hurts. Sometimes, we only learn the reasons when we work through intense sadness. But as you do, keep your faith and remember that the path you are on now, as hard it may be, is the one that you were always meant to follow.

It's difficult to take when you learn that your ex is seeing somebody else. Again, I suffered this same situation not so long ago. Do everything you can to avoid seeing or hearing about any of it. If you have Facebook, leave. You must cut off all contact so that you don't dwell on images that are of no benefit to your healing. The thoughts will taunt you, but given time, they will hurt less and less.

There is no magic cure and there is nothing anybody can say that will make the pain go away instantly. But we are all here for you to provide thoughts for you to consider, and consider them you should because again, in time the many pieces of the jigsaw finally fall into place and you will smile at the lessons you have learned, and the person you have become.

Cry and then go for a walk. Miss her and then call a friend you love. Wish you had done more and then begin a conversation with a stranger. There is nothing wrong with any of these feelings, so long as you actively seek improvement in your life simultaneously.

Good luck and continue to talk to us because everyone is here to help.

I wish you well :)