In our current court order, dated August, 2010, I have the "sole-decision-making authority to make all educational decisions regarding school and otherwise" for our minor 4 minor children. There is, however, the added stipulation that requires I "notify" the other parent 45-days prior to changing schools. There is currently an issue with our middle school student who is being bullied and the campus appears to be on a downward spiral - fighting, bullying, and excessive classroom disruption are at a high. I would like to change schools - immediately - however, I have the 45-day issue. If I explain the situation to my ex-wife and she agrees I do not have to wait the 45-days - what legal procedure can I follow to document her approval, in writing, and have it legally binding without going to court? Help, please!

You can send documents through certified mail. (return receipt requested) Inform her of the situation. If it is as bad as you say it is then its almost a null point if she approves or not. Its about the child and the child's safety.

Yes! It's absolutely horrible. My son, in an effort to prove to me what is going on there, took a digital camera to school and captured 3 absolutely horrific videos - all taking place either on the school campus or school bus during school hours. They are outrageous. You mentioned sending the "documents certified mail" - what documents? In addition, she usually likes to attempt to try to exercise control regardless of the "best interest of the child" - she would much rather enjoy a moment of "they can't do anything until I approve" behavior than approve in an attempt to keep our children happy and safe. If she doesn't respond or she simply tries to hold out for the 45-days, can I get in trouble with the courts if I simply do it anyway?

... If I explain the situation to my ex-wife and she agrees I do not have to wait the 45-days - what legal procedure can I follow to document her approval, in writing, and have it legally binding without going to court? Help, please!!

Something like this:


"It is agreed that ____ will be immediately transfered from ___ school to ____. This change in school enrollment is made for the following reasons: ____. The provision in the _____ dated August ___, 2010 which requires a 45 day notice for any change in school is hereby expressly waived for the purpose of this agreement only and otherwise will continue to require a 45 day notice for any future change in school.
Dated ______
Signed [both parties]"

Note: this lets her "agree" to the change, although she doesn't have the right to disagree. By "tossing her a bone", you might give her the sense that she is getting more say in the matter than she actually has, so as to give her an incentive to waive the 45 day notice.


... If she doesn't respond or she simply tries to hold out for the 45-days, can I get in trouble with the courts if I simply do it anyway?

Probably so. If it comes to that, the judge is likely to think "can it really have been that bad?".

Docuents are those things your using to notify her. So if your sending her a letter that your changing schools then do so. That would be a document. Since it is your sons safety then the 45 days may get waived.

If she takes it to court what is the judge going to say? Common sense must prevail.

If the order said both parents must approve doctors and your son had a broken bone would you really wait? Of course not you would go to emergency or critical care nearest you and get it taken care of.

How close is the other parent, if in the same town, how about you and ex both go together to the school and move her.

Hey, Chuck - it's actually our middle school-attending son. The children and I live in Northern California whereas the children's mother lives in Chicago, Illinois.

Honestly, she is usually disagreeable just to disagree - just to exercise power because, at this point, she almost has none. I have "sole-decision making authority" in every area - the 45-day notice applies to educational choices only.

I also don't need her approval. It just requires me to give an advance notice. I never thought about the 45-day clause because I never foresaw a change of schools. He's changing schools no matter what, I was just hoping to do it quickly.

Wow! Thank you, sir! Thanks for your wisdom! I'm going to change schools regardless of the 45 day... The court order allows "sole decision making" in every area. Change of schools requires notice, yet I have 3 horrific videos as evidence.

Comment on califdadof3's post

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Wow! Thank you, sir! Thanks for your wisdom! I'm going to change schools regardless of the 45 day... The court order allows "sole decision making" in every area. Change of schools requires notice, yet I have 3 horrific videos as evidence.



You still need to let her know. And make sure you ask for her input but give it a day or 2 after you let her know so at least it doesn't look like your bullying her.

It's nice when things can happen without issue. She willingly signed the agreement I sent her via email and has emailed a signed copy and is sending a hardcopy via regular mail. AK Lawyer's agreement was simple and to the point. Love it! As of this afternoon, he is enrolled in the new school and awaiting the final transfer (former school sending transcripts, etc.). Thank you for your contributions! Very, very helpful!

Im glad it worked out for your son. It sounds like this move was in the best interest of the child and both parents realized it. Glad for all of you.