I've been married for 1.5 yrs, and I've suffered for 1.5 yrs.
Right from Day 1 of our married life, from the morning I woke up with my 1day old husband at my inlaws place... they started being hostile to me. And they have continued to do so.
I've tried so hard to show them love, to tell them how much I value my relationship with them. Whether it be by spending time with them, cooking for them, doing the daughter in law chores when guests come, standing by them in their time of need, supporting them when they're unwell... ive done everything I could think of. I've been with them just how I've been with my own parents.
but they've always just thrown it back in my face. And each time they've been nasty to me, my husband just watches. When they make me cry, he watches. When they demean my family, upbringing and efforts, he just watches. When they talk about throwing me out of the house he watches. When they tell me my efforts are no big deal, he just watches.
and when the going gets really tough, he just dumps me at my parents place.
I've tried talking to my inlaws directly, apologising for any misunderstanding, telling them directly that I want us to be a happy family together.
and yet, they always just attack me.
most recently my mother in law yelled at me telling me to go to my mums house... in front of my mum, in front of my husband.
I was so ashamed, so hurt. And to watch my husband sit silently as she said that broke my heart.
to top all of this of, my husband tells me he doesn't want my family to visit us.
after everything, I have always welcome his parents into my home. I always did 200% as a daughter in law. I don't want to list them, because it demeans it. But I gave my inlaws as much love, if not more than what I give my own family. Even though I always got it thrown back in my face.
my inlaws have never called me to speak to me. The first and last time they called was to tell me to stay with my mum so that they can be with their son alone. If they call, they only speak to my husband. Never me.
my parents have always shown love and support to both of us. I can't absorb that after all their support, my husband tells me they shudnt visit us. When I ask why? He tells me because his own parents aren't happy.
when I confront him directly, he threatens to send me back to my parents.
I don't know what I should do.

I love him. He tells me he loves me.
but I can't help but wonder...
how can a husband not protect his wife is someone is attacking her.
how can a husband not stand up for his wife when someone is demeaning her, her family, her upbringing.
how can a husband not address issues in a relationship?
how can a husband not give his wife the same love she gives him?
how can a husband leave his wife when the going gets tough?

to me, these things define love... define the foundation of a relationship... any relationship.

I am so so weakened, the pain is too much to bear. I'm always on the verge of tears.
I don't know what to do...

my husband forbids me to speak to my family or friends about this. I have no one else to go to.

I really don't know what to do...
I'm having so much trouble accepting the situation.
I want our marriage to work. But I don't know how to make it work..

Your husband can not forbide you to do anything,

You and husband needs to live on your own, not with his family.

You can separate, ( I do not believe in divorce) and ask him to find his own place and get into therapy

Only you can set the limits on what you allow

Not sure of your culture, and not wanting to advise you against you laws, or traditions, but tell his family to kiss your tired butt, respectfully of course, and when he drops you at home with your parents... don't go back!! Takes two to make a marriage work, and two to have an adult relationship, and two to work together. If one is an a$$, the other has no chance, but to leave as they deserve no love, devotion, or commitment from you.

but i can't help but wonder...
how can a husband not protect his wife is someone is attacking her.
how can a husband not stand up for his wife when someone is demeaning her, her family, her upbringing.
how can a husband not address issues in a relationship?
how can a husband not give his wife the same love she gives him?
how can a husband leave his wife when the going gets tough?

He is not a husband, but a devoted son. Not ready for marriage. But you already know that.

He needs to grow up and put you first, or you need to find a new husband. That is not a marriage you sound like a slave to these people. Stand up for yourself. Do not let anyone mistreat you. They treat you this way because they can. Put on your big girl panties and get some self respect. It doesn't sound like you have much of a marriage. If he doesn't comply with your requests then just move to your parents, it sounds like you're there a lot anyway.
You deserve better, you sound like a nice person. Good luck

Zarine, I hope you are still reading this thread and come back.

To understand your options a bit better would you please answer a few questions?

Is this a love or arranged marriage? If it was a love marriage, did his parents approve from the beginning or did they have to be convinced? If it was arranged, what were the expectations written in the contract? What expectations did you share before you married?

Are you of the same caste or is there the added complication of an inter-caste marriage?

Is there an elder who you could ask for help in mediating talks with your in-laws and husband?

Ultimately, you must make decisions that are best for you whether that is stay and do your best hoping that things get better or returning to your parents and dealing with the consequences of that choice. Please think carefully, weigh all of your options and do not rush into any irreversible decisions.

Cat 1864, Thank you for your response. To answer your questions...
1. it was a love marriage
2. his parents approved in the beginning
3. we didn't feel the need to share any expectations.his family said all the right things,I never had any doubt, and honestly believed that we'd all be happy together. I've known my husband and his family for 12 years. We were in the same family friends circle.
4. there was no complication of caste. Everything was suited.
5. I'm too scared to get an elder involved. The tone and manner in which my inlaws speak is very demeaning. I've seen my mother being subjected to it.I don't want anyone else who I respect as an elder to be subjected to such hostile behaviour.

To be honest, I really don't see what I have left to do. It takes 2 to make a relationship. If there's only one person trying, without reciprocation it'll never work. Applies to my inlaws, &my husband. I've resorted to just praying 4 help. Don't know what else to do... just want a happy marriage