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ohnooo
Jan 28, 2011, 03:27 PM
So my mom left us 5 months ago. Let me begin and tell you our story.

My mom and dad have been married for 18 years. He adopted us after my bio dad wrote us off. He has a daughter of his own. She didn't live with us and still doesn't. But I remember from a very young age my mom cheating on my dad. Me walking in, her and my dad fighting, her staying out for hours get wasted with guys from work. Sometimes not coming home.

This man took such good care of us, and her. He really did everything rite. Was a true gentleman (maybe that was the problem cause she walked all over him. Years have passed and she became christian and went to these woman seminars came home washed his feet and asked for his forgiveness. He did. Between all of this she treated me like crap.

See with her first marriage she had to get married and that ruined her life of course. The 1st husband beat her and so on. So we decide to move. And for 4 years we lived in the same place. She got depressed and got more aggressive, and my dad kept on loving her the same way. Worked his *** off to support all of us (she didn't work at the time). So she got this job, and all was good. We moved to a newer house, smaller but livable.

She starts saying she is sleeping at work then she doesn't have to get up early and she can sleep in a little. Then she tries to get my dad to find a job in another city, then one day she came home yelling at us, I had enough and told her that we were human and she should treat us like humans. She left. She got a apartment 10hours away from us. But still working at the same place.

The problem is that me and my bro caught her and a old fling emailing each other (the first cheater I remember). So my bro confronted her. She said he was just a personal friend ( *** is a that). Then when she moved this guy came to help her, I wasn't here cause I would have aimed to kill.. lol.

In the meantime my dad was dying on the inside. The first time my mom started with this we went and talked to my dad and he said he loved her with all his heart and this was just a little argument that will go away in time. See what happened with my dad... and yes it was embarrising to hear it but my mom made the whole world know. He has a problem in bed sometimes.. which is normal at his age. She told everybody. So he started watching p to see if he could get it normal again. My dad said he felt so ashamed once, he tried to romance mom but she started laughing at him. How sad.

In the meantime my brother decides to write everyone off unless he wants something (just like my mom of course). He lives at her place when he's off and when he comes back to work he stays in camp. See there's this guy that she introduced to him. Lets call him D. D is the one that got my brother the job. D is the one that's helping him buy a truck, d is the one that helped her move, d works at the same place she does, d has problems with his wife, d lives in the same spot she does. D is 35. So I'm so ugh! U know.I figured this out after all of it.

I decided to tell my dad and he said that's what he thought. Now the thing with her is she told her family she doesn't want to get a divorce. But she doesn't talk to my dad, she just takes and takes and takes and never gives back. So I found this thing on her phone, a message written in notes. About praying for her family and his family and that he's praying that they become the couple God wants them to be. No that is what send me to raging mad planet. *** ***!! How can they pray to God to make something so evil and dirty good?? Really, what the hell is wrong with her??

She doesn't want to get old so she injects her face with a bunch of crap. So when she's 60 with he straight face and wrinkled old body with pains and aches he's not going to feel a crap about his old woman... rite.

Now I know a lot of you say its non of your business. But you are so wrong. This something that affects our whole family.what she's done is take away our family, she has put my dad in the red with all of her debt (his paying her 27000 credit card debt) she left us with so much pain and she doesn't care. So me and dad decided that she won't control us anymore, we are going to church on Sunday and he is divorcing her. The 2 of us will be family. (and my fiancé who has been frighten to death of this whole thing... lol bless his sweet heart).

My question is how on earth do we get rid of this anger and hurt. My dad who is the meekest man I have ever known, is mad, swearing, and haven't laughed in forever. How can we make it better and easier for him? He is alone (no friends cause she got rid of all of them, cause they were garbage she said). He's negative and I'm scared for his health (he has heart problems). And I know there is no answer for this.

Maybe getting most of it out was my therapy I needed. Just so angry. We were all so close... its all gone, ripped away and shredded into a million pieces. Can God fix it? Maybe... I don't think he will... he just wants the best for all of us rite? She has to live with not having her kids or grand kids around. Yes I did make that decision... was it wrong.. maybe but I don't want my children exposed to that.. it ruined my life when I was a little girl. Maybe I should write a book... lol anyone out there publisher thingy.. lol. Thanks for letting me vent...

ChickyBaby
Jan 28, 2011, 03:50 PM
I think you made the right decision about not letting your kids see your mom. NO ONE needs to be around someone like that... its just bad karma and it will rub off on whoever is around her.

I'm sure she is brain washing your brother w/ the job, truck, etc. So stay away from him too because you never know what he is up to since he is on your mom's side.

You and your dad sound like very nice people and I am glad you two stick together! :)

Your dad needs to divorce her ASAP. Then he doesn't have to pay that huge credit card bill. If the card is in both there names he may owe 1/2 (which would suck) but ****... 1/2 is better than all of it!

Not only will divorcing her stop her bull****, but he will be able to start fresh. :) He can make new friends or see if he can reach out to some of the old ones. They may be more understanding than he thinks.

As far as the sexual issue... tell him to go to the doctor and get some pills for that. They got tons of brands now. That problem is solved too! :)

donf
Jan 28, 2011, 04:01 PM
Hi, welcome to the forum and I am very glad you got a chance to vent. However, that said, I have a very poor understanding of what you have written.

Please help me understand what you have written.

You father (actually stepfather) is separated from your true mother. Your mother has chosen to move to an apartment that is 10 hours away from where you reside. Okay so far?

Your stepfather and mother quarrel quite a bit. You suspect your mother of infidelity in her marriage to your stepfather, or you know for certain that she has been having sex with other men. Which is it?

Your stepfather has some form of erectile dysfunction which has embarrassed him and allowed your mother to ridicule him. Your brother has also ridiculed your stepfather.

How old are you? Are you married?

Suggestion number one, get out of the middle of the battle. If your stepfather will not fight for himself, do not fight for him. He may have chosen to be passive and is hoping to let the issue die away.

It seems from what I read, that you love and care for your stepfather quite a bit. Tell him that! Tell him that you are there to help him in any way he wants your help! Then let him tell you what he would like you to do with him and for him.

You have absolutely no power over the relationship between your stepfather and mother. Nor do you have a dog in that fight. That is between the two of them. You have no decision or effect on the way your mother chooses to run or ruin her life.

That is not your battle or war. Concentrate on your relationship with your stepfather, that is where you appear to have chosen to be.

talaniman
Jan 29, 2011, 06:25 PM
The way I see it, your dad is a lucky fellow to have you in his life, and must be a strong guy spiritually to have gone through the things he did. I think your bond will help you both survive anything, even the foolish actions of the ones around you.

That in itself should give you hope that things, be as they may, but you BOTH will be okay. Sort of miraculous when you think about it!