My future DIL is from a more well to do family than we are. We are very fortunate but cannot afford a caterer for this event so me and my sister-in-laws are doing the entire rehearsal dinner ourselves. We will do a great job! It is already at 57 people if you can believe that! We all live in a different city than my son and his wife to be so all along we have planned to use my son's kitchen as the small kitchen in the country club is not big enough. The country club kitchen will be utilized to keep some things cold and a few things warmed, etc. but not for the main cooking - the main cooking will be done at my sons home which is only about a mile from the country club. Well, my son just informs me that his future wife doesn't want us in the house at all! What? Where am I suppose to get all of this cooking done? He goes back to her with my question? Nope, we can't be in the house at all! Mind you this is my son's home for now, she has not moved in and won't until after the wedding! What am I to do? How should I handle this? I have no where to cook all this food! I am really angry!! This is NOT this first unreasonable stunt she has pulled!!

First of all, why does the rehearsal dinner have so many people attending. It isn't supposed to be a dinner party, it is supposed to be to co-ordinate only people in the wedding party for a practice and just a casual, maybe potluck, after.

I really can sympathize with you on this, but do you not get a long with her? Is that why she is so unreasonable and if it is your son's house, and you are his mom, why can't he put his foot down?

He will have to put his foot down if he wants this done properly.

Sorry, only advice I can give, short of hey, having her kidnapped. Maybe you will have to tone down your menu and work in the country club kitchen.

Tick

Because her family insists on inviting all the aunts and uncles! Yes, they are controlling people who are driving me crazy! And it is anything but casual! It is going to be a steak dinner. We have always got along 'til now.

He won't put his foot down for fear of making her mad. I've cried enough over this. Time to pick up and do the best we can. I'm doing this for my son but little does she know she is making me hate her. :(

First of all fair play for offering to do this for them..

Your future daughter in law may have her own reasons, if you can let it go,as anoying and inconvient as it is.

Would it be possible to cook the main dishes at your own home, dividing the menu up with your sister in laws so they can do there bit at there own homes and then get everything together at the country club kitchen...

I know it sounds like hardship, but with a few tweaks to the menu you might be able to pull it off.

Edit: in stead of steaks how about roast beef or chicken dishes?

We have decided to do whatever is necessary to make it happen. Not for her but for my son. She is really ruining our relationship with her petty quirks. There is no good reason for us not to use his kitchen. After all, it is for them.

Kalimae, do whatever it takes to get this done as pleasantly as possible under the circumstances and stick to your guns. Please let us know how it all worked out.

After the wedding I hope all of this unpleasantness will be washed under the bridge and you can come to grips with her attitude problem. I would be as upset as you and knashing my teeth were I in your shoes. But I would never ever let a younger women get the better of me.

Tell her that the entire event is dependent on the use of the kitchen and if she will not permit it, you will not be able to host the event and will need for her to hire caterers at her expense. She's being ridiculous.

I'm doing this for my son, that's the only thing getting me through this. She is not being reasonable AT ALL! My poor son is caught in the middle of two women he loves. I'll be the bigger person because I love him so much!

I did actually tell my son this earlier today and he got really upset. Of course, I didn't mean it. We will get through it like I'll order the baked potatoes from a local restaurant instead of baking them myself. She IS being ridiculous!!

I thank you all for the replies! They are much appreciated. We have gone back and forth with this all day long. I did tell my son earlier today that we just we not going to do the dinner, he could find someone else to do it at his own expense but he could bet I WOULD be there. I was livid! But as cooler heads prevailed I realized I was only hurting him, which I did NOT want to do. He got really upset. He doesn't want us to be angry with each other, me and her. Well, until she has a change in attitude.. . I just don't know. He told me tonight she doesn't know why I'm "angry" with her. I'm angry with her always wanting her way and never compromising with other people even when it's in her best interest! How dumb is that? This dinner is not for my benefit. I'm not spending all this money and time for my benefit, it's for her and my son! To make them happy. I just don't get how some people's minds work. There is not one reason good enough why we can't use his kitchen that day. Her reasons are because the groomsmen will be there and she doesn't want the house messed up. Like I won't be cleaning up behind myself. And she might have out of town family she wants to show the house to. They can see it with us in there, I'm not all that ugly! LOL

So what has actually been resolved? You are doing the prep at your son's place, right ?

Tick

Nope! She will not budge! And now my son is caught in the middle and upset with me. Now this hefer has de-friended me on Facebook and is mad with me!! What the heck?

Facebook? Really? What has this world come to?

When is the wedding? How soon? There may be other ways to resolve this other than using his kitchen or the country club kitchen.

You might need to explore more options.

I only said that to point how how petty this has become. I don't care anymore. The RD is May 13th. We are getting the baked potatoes from a local restaurant. That will help a lot with the oven time. We are NOT using his kitchen!

Me and my SIL's are renting a hotel room for rest time and showers before the "event". We live too far away to run back and forth home. Hopefully the oven at the CC will cook the green beans/bacon and bread. I'm praying!

Dependent upon where you live, you could make this a country bar-b-que outside near a river and not need a kitchen, but rather some grills.

Unfortunately we didn't decide the menu, they did. I always thought the parents of the groom decided the RD but in this case the bride and her mother are controlling EVERYTHING! Every time we try to "buck" them on anything. .

It starts a WAR! Like I said earlier, this is not the first unreasonable thing that has happened. This just happened to be the straw that broke the camels back. I'm in poor health as I have addison's disease and this is.. .

Stressing me to the MAX! They have no regard for me or my situation. I had a panic attack yesterday because of all this. Took 2 Xanax last night, missed church this morning. I don't like the way this people are messing with my life!

Time for you to take a breath.

I do understand your concerns but if your health is suffering because of this, perhaps the mother of the bride could be more help in putting the show together?

Just for future posting, there is an answer box at the end of the page, you can fit more text into your post instead of the comment box.

Kal, you may find it easier for you and all members to use the reply feature instead of the comments feature.
Sorry to hear you are not in the best of health throughout this ordeal. You just can't let these people get the upper hand over all of this. They are not the end all and be all anyway.


Tick

I'm not 100% sure, but I don't think the "mother-in-law" will be a lot of help. I'm very sure she will go along with the daughters wishes. She has offered to help with the RD, maybe I should ask to use her kitchen as she lives in the same city as the country club! LOL Hmmmm, now there's a thought! I wouldn't feel comfortable with that BUT.. . :) <evil grin>

The whole point is this girl is just being totally ridiculous! There is no need for this insanity! Yes, that's easy for me to say. My son won't put his foot down because he's just trying to "keep her happy". He told me his back was as much against the wall as mine is. That was all I needed to hear to know his position. Poor fellow. :(

We are going to do the best we can with what we have to work with and the first person I hear make a negative remark about this dinner is probably going to get the worst tongue lashing of their life, if not worse! She is a spoiled rotten brat!

Quite honestly, kal, how much time did you have to figure all of this out. Weeks, days. I know you would like our back up, but you know. We have our limits on this whole thread. It is going back and forth and back and forth.

So... my dear... what is the ultimate outcome. Just get the dinner a done deal and get over with it.

Yes, she is probably spolled, and is under presuure, as all new brides are. You have to give her that; there is two sides to every situation.

Tick

Kalimae, as I have said earlier I understand your frustration, but I would ask you to consider the future relationship with your soon to be daughter in law... there will most likely be grandchildren in years to come, if your on bad terms with her now and things don't improve, it will just get worse.

Time and time again women post saying they can't see their grandchildren due to relationship problems with their DIL, don't let that be you.

Do what you can for the dinner and smile, don't give her any ammuniation against you.

You don't have to live with her, but your son does, and I'm sure he loves you both very much.

You said yourself you going to do it for him, do it for yourself as well, rise above the insults.

I think it is time to close thread thead. Nothing more to come of it.

Tick

Now future DIL is refusing to go to rehearsal dinner if we put it on. She wants my son to put it on. I asked him if we were invited to the RD and wedding. He said he didn't know. What the heck? This girl has lost her mind!