View Full Version : My best friend hasn't spoken to me in 2 weeks...
malsore
Jan 27, 2011, 08:48 PM
Over the past few months my best friend and I have grown apart. When we first met at the start of college 4 years ago we became fast friends. We helped each other through rough times and were always supportive. We had great laughs and adventures, cried together etc. However, months ago she started a new lifestyle. I do not drink alcohol at all. She didn't before either. Now don't get me wrong, I have tons of friends who drink. I serve alcohol when I host events or dinners. I just personally cannot have it. However, my friend and alcohol are not a good mix. She becomes loud, obnoxious and reckless when she drinks. Ive had to pull her out of a few dangerous situations because she was not in her right mind. I told her I was okay with her drinking, but that I hoped she would be more careful in the future. She has also become friends with a group of girls she used to dislike and speak ill of. I also didn't mind that. I was actually relieved because I was tired of hearing her talk bad about these girls even though I hardly knew them. Now I feel as though Ive been replaced. Its always me texting, calling, inviting, asking, etc etc. I rarely ever get a text or call if I don't initiate it myself first. So I stopped. I didn't text or call her. I don't have a Facebook anymore because I was bored with it, and so my phone and email are really the only way to contact me. She has made no effort to call or text me. I know it may seem petty and 2 weeks may seem like a short amount of time but this is a girl Ive spoken to for years on a near daily basis. The longest we ever went not speaking was 6 days when we had one single fight. I had hoped she would text me, but I now feel that my worst fear about her is true----she no longer cares. How do I deal with this? Should I contact her? I feel sad about this. She was my first real best friend. I was the outsider all my life in a town full of all American kids (Im the child of immigrants) so when I went to college this girl was my dream friend. :( Not sure what to do!
Wondergirl
Jan 27, 2011, 09:00 PM
Make new friends (I hope you have already) and move on. It sounds like she has slipped backwards. Do you want to do that too? Sometimes we have to cut our losses and carry on.
justcurious55
Jan 27, 2011, 09:05 PM
It sucks, but people change. Especially in college. When my friend and I started college, we were best friends. We had been since high school. And then she joined a sorority. She became a totally different person. And suddenly I only got phone calls when she needed a ride. We rarely see each other anymore. I saw her the other day, she came by were I work (not to see me, I work at a grocery store and she apparently needed food). It was awkward and forced smiles and empty promises to get together soon.
My point is sharing this is, it happens and you're not alone. We've all gone through our own changes and had people close to us change. Time helps. Eventually it stops hurting. Since then I've made new friends. And in time, you will too. And who knows, maybe she's just going through a phase and will come out of it a better person and a better friend. For now, I recommend focusing on other things. New hobbies and making new friends
talaniman
Jan 28, 2011, 10:49 AM
Depending on another for your happiness is a disaster waiting to happen, so always have a life that makes you happy, whether your friend is available, or not.
She is exploring her world, on her own terms, and that's okay for now, as its an opportunity for you to be doing the same, as you adjust to this change in how you relate, and how often you see, or hear from each other.
Any one you befriend in life, will have there own thing to do, so have yours to, and don't be jealous, or feel left out, just get busy with your own life.
malsore
Jan 28, 2011, 12:08 PM
I am not jealous and I am exploring my life. Im a Masters student and do lots of things and have done lots of things without her. The lack of contact and support is what is bothering me. I think you might not have read my entire post, because I stated that I was RELIEVED that she became friends with those girls. The issue is that I am sad about losing her because I saw her as the sister I never had.
I also don't feel left out, I guess I feel neglected. Just prior to our lack of contact I was in an accident and I contacted her. She didn't even call to see if I was okay.
Its not that I wanted her pity, but it bothered me that she didn't seem to care. A year ago, she would have driven to make sure I was okay. I would do the same for her.
I guess I just feel like I have been pushed out of her life for not reason. After all the things we went through I just didn't imagine she would just forget about our friendship.
I will be okay, I just needed some words of support.
justcurious55
Jan 28, 2011, 12:27 PM
Unfortunately sometimes that happens. People move on and leave their old friend feeling forgotten.
I did read your entire post. I'm not sure who you thought didn't read it. What I got from it was that you were struggling to move on from a friendship that doesn't seem to exist anymore. And maybe that's not the case, but that's what it sounded like. And that's great that now it does sound like you're moving on. I still stand by my previous advice- it does get better with time.