Believe me when I say my intentions toward her are good, no sex in mind, just kissing, holding hands and hugging. I do not honestly care if you have a problem with it, if you want to point out your issues with it then go ahead. But I would like to know if it is legal in the UK. Cause so far things between us are going great. Preferably I would like positive feedback.

While it is not illegal to date, I would question your own motives and reasoning.
While there is only 5 years in age the differences in maturity, development and outlook are VAST.


preferably I would like positive feedback.
Well, I'm sorry to say, you aren't going to get any as what you are doing is morally WRONG in so many ways.
If this was my daughter you would NOT be allowed anywhere near her!

I just have a question and that is, why don't you date a girl your own age? I think the maturity levels would be a lot different between 11 & 16 but then again, I've been wrong before.

Comment on Curlyben's post

And that's a fair opinion, but I don't see the problem with dating someone if they love you back. And I'm different to other guys, I don't really think of sex when I think of girls

Comment on adam_89's post

Well, thank you for not judging me first of all, and I have tried finding girls my age, but this girl's different. Not because of the age but, usually I'm fairly depressed, but when I'm with her it all just goes away and I can be happy

What do her parents think about you dating their daughter?

Why do you believe that an eleven year old can love you the same way that you love her? An eleven year old does not have the same outlook on life that a sixteen year old does. An eleven year old has no concept of love in any context other than friend or family. An eleven year old has no concept of 'long term relationship' or fidelity.

I question why an eleven year old would want to be involved in a romantic relationship with anyone.

You shouldn't be involved with her because she makes your depression go away. That sounds like you are making her responsible for your happiness and that is not fair to anyone at any age. If you have a problem with depression, then you need help. Are you getting any help?

I think the two of you might make great friends, but I think that is as far as the relationship should go. I don't think you quite comprehend the dangers of making out (kissing, hugging, and holding) with a child. At this time, you might not be interested in intercourse, but it doesn't take much to cross the line between kissing and cuddling and sex.

Does most of that even matter, do people control who they fall in love with? And by the way, thinking that I'd cross that line between kissing and sex, I do realise how young she is, and so does she. I just want advice and facts, not assumptions

well, thankyou for not judging me first of all, and i have tried finding girls my age, but this girl's differant. not because of the age but, usualy i'm fairly depressed, but when i'm with her it all just goes away and i can be happyWell that sounds like you've found a nice friend. Go with friendship, it's better for this period of your lives.

I don't know if I can do that though, she was the same as me before, depressed. We both wanted to die (yes, I know we need help). It'll be tough on me if I brake it off, but she might react worse and do something stupid. She's to important to me

Yes you both need help, where are your parents in all this? An 11 year old is not ready for sex and you should know that. She's following your lead so don't lead her down the wrong path. Be a man and do the right thing.

I told you that sex will NOT be involved. Her dad's dead and her mum suffers from depression and doesn't care. And mine don't know cause I don't want them interfering with my relationships. They have a tendency to want to be to involved

I don't understand a 16 yr old being attracted to a child :confused:(11 is still a child)

Sex should be so far out of the question as not to be an issue, but it still might be in this way.

I am not familiar with the laws in the U K but there are laws here in the US in various states ,
That because of your age difference , coupled with her extreme young age,
You could be violating several laws and be charged with a variety of crimes from moelestation to rape.:o

I would carefully look into your local statutes and laws to see if that may be the case there too.

11? :eek: Dude... think about what you're doing... but at 16 you still think you know most everything like all children your age.
Just like you thought at 16 you are no longer a child... you are.

You could do something constructive and become therapy buddies.
Go to counseling together and be a mini support team outside of counseling.

A 16 year old "dating" an 11 year old, while not illegal, would NOT be looked at favourably by the powers that be.
This is very close to child grooming, which IS an offence.

i told you that sex will NOT be involved. her dad's dead and her mum suffers from depression and doesn't care. and mine don't know cause i don't want them interfering with my relationships. they have a tendency to want to be to involved

Maybe they want to be involved because they care about you.

Apathy is the opposite of love. Not hate. If they show interest in youi it is an indication of love... like it or not I'm just sayin'

Okay, yes we're still techinacly children, but we can make our own decisions. But despite that, thank you for at least a fact on the dating laws. Plus seeings I'm not 18 I don't think this would count as illegal cause we'd be in the same age group

We realise that people can and will look down on it. Some will consider it sick. And we're prepared to take that. But it's her happyness that I care about, you people can have a go at me all you want, I just want to know what the laws are

And I respect that, but I'm going to get enough trouble about 'morals' on here. I don't need or want them to be in on it as well

okay, yes we're still techinacly children, but we can make our own decisions. but despite that, thankyou for at least a fact on the dating laws. plus seeings i'm not 18 i don't think this would count as illegal cause we'd be in the same age group
11 and 16 are in NO way considered in the same age group, there is a huge difference in maturity and development levels.


we realise that people can and will look down on it. some will consider it sick. and we're prepared to take that. but it's her happyness that i care about, you people can have a go at me all you want, i just want to know what the laws are
No one is having a go, just pointing out the clear and honest truth.
You do realise the potential trouble you could be in if you take this in any way down a romantic route??
Friendship, fine, but any hint of romance would land YOU in a shed load of trouble.
The age of criminal responsibility is 10 in the UK!!

Comment on martinizing2's post

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okay, yes we're still techinacly children, but we can make our own decisions. but despite that, thankyou for at least a fact on the dating laws. plus seeings i'm not 18 i don't think this would count as illegal cause we'd be in the same age group

What I was pointing out is that in some states , because you are 5 years older than her, it puts you in the position of being able to be charged with various sex crimes, but you would be charged as a minor.

The idea here is the older person would have almost total control mentaly, and total physically.

I wish you well

Comment on NeedKarma's post

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I told you that sex will NOT be involved. Her dad's dead and her mum suffers from depression and doesn't care. And mine don't know cause I don't want them interfering with my relationships. They have a tendency to want to be to involved

Your parent's should be involved. That's what good parents do.

Look at what her mother not being involved in her life is doing to her. She is looking for love and acceptance from an older male. She is the type of young girl that pedophiles look for because they don't understand the love they are looking for isn't romantic but parental. What you are seeing as emotional maturity is the exact opposite. It's just that neither of you have enough experience to recognize it.

Talk to your parents. Be open with them about the depression and your concerns about your friend and her issues. Ask for help before something negative happens.

You have a good point, but it doesn't change the way I will feel about her or visa versa. And I realise this is a stupid thing to do. But for once I'm going to follow my heart and not my brain.

As Ben said, we're not having a go at you.
We are trying to help by letting you know things that ONLY age and experience can bring.

You have put yourselves in a tenuious position and our goal is that no one ends up in trouble, or hurt, or damaged in any way.
Sometimes it takes having a go at some people to get a point across. But this is not the case here.

If we were just having a go at you, I think you'd have signed off a long time ago.
It can get ruthless,. I'm very good at it if it comes to that , which I can't see taking place on this site.

You weren't being picked on.

You want facts, then consider that hugging, kissing, and cuddling with a minor of 11 by a sixteen year old is a criminal offense, and also consider that what YOU call "love" is taking advantage of a minor who has NO appropriate supervision, since this is a big secret from YOUR parents.

She has no guidance in this matter, and for you to use that as a way to get what you want from her, when you should KNOW better, IS irresponsible, and manipulative.

For all your talk, its very obvious that the only difference between her, and other girls your age is, you can use her, and not them. And its very easy isn't it, "like taking candy from a baby!!!"!!

Real love, young guy, is about caring enough to do the right thing, not the easy thing, not get what you want, and use some one in the name of love. She needs to be loved and guided, not cuddled and kissed.

But of course how would you know what's right, and wrong since you sneak around behind YOUR parents back, BECAUSE YOU KNOW THEY WOULD NEVER STAND FOR THIS BEHAVIOR.

Maybe we cannot help who we love, but we can damn well help what we do about it, and frankly you are the worst kind of manipulator and predator. Preying on the weak, and helpless. And that's what makes you a criminal, in acts, and deeds, so save the justifying yourself, and think with whatever it is you call a brain, because the life you save may be your own, and doing the right thing instead of YOUR thing, may help you both, and YOUR parents as they are libel for your actions, also.

You think I chose her because I can take advantage of her? No! I'm with her because I can protect her. If she wants to brake it off then I'll go with it. Whatever she chooses is what happens. Unless it's something like sex, even I know better

I'd like to also point out, that for a 'people person' you're not so great at talking to people

SHE has to be the one to break it off?

I just want to do whatever makes her happy, with the exception of in-appropriate things.

Why do you think she is mature enough to truly understand what makes her happy? When I was that age, an ice cream cone made me happy -- playing with my cat Toby made me happy -- getting an A in social studies made me happy.

Wow, at 11, seriously... this girls so much more mature than that, she has a condition. In basic she can't leave home, so she spends her entire life around adults. She's pick up some perks from it. She's very mature for her age

I also was surrounded by adults at that age, professionals, in fact -- doctors, ministers, lawyers, educators.

Mature? She's 11! She has a condition -- which means what?

Protect my BUTT!! If you were telling the truth, she would be like a little sister. And no holding hands and no kissing and cuddling, and you would lead by a much better example, and protect her from herself, and from YOU.

Your actions are either EVIL, or IGNORANT, and both are dangerous to you both. It's a darn shame you LIE to yourself, to us, your parents, and your VICTIM!

Protect my A$$!! She is the one who needs protection from you, but all she has is the poor excuse for a parent who doesn't protect her from predators like you!!

Do the right thing for you both. Stop the kissing and cuddling and romance crap, and be what she needs, a friend. If you can't do that... leave her alone!!

To hell with that crazy, dumb stuff you are talking about! Its dangerous, and complete NONSENSE.

Apparently you don't know the meaning of the word "predator."

Logic and common sense are what you are missing.

Yeah but I can admit it, emotions are what you seem to be missing in this topic in perticular

You're sitting there smiling as you type, aren't you. Sparring with experts on a Q&A site is exhilarating.

I'm going to out on a limb here...

You both have problems at home,you both get the love and affection from each other, you don't think about sex with her,or girls in general...

I believe from reading your posts and your reactions to the answers is that you click so well with this girl because mentally your BOTH 11.

Other people know of this relationship, her friends,your friends.. those same people talk to their parents,parents talk to teachers, next thing you know your sitting in a police station.

However you feel,end the relationship, and talk to someone.

okay, yes we're still techinacly children, but we can make our own decisions.

You're wrong. Until you're legally an adult, no longer living under your parents roof, you can't make your own decisions.


plus seeings I'm not 18 I don't think this would count as illegal cause we'd be in the same age group

Nope. Think of it this way. You're a teen, in two years you'll legally be an adult. She's not even a teen yet, and won't be one for another two years. She's a child, so are you, but she's much more of a child then you are.

I have a 12 year old son, and an 8 year old daughter. I can tell you right now, if some 16 year old came around when my daughter was 11, asking to date her, I'd be on the phone with the police, I'd be on the phone with your parents, and I'd make darn sure that you never see my daughter again. If you continued to come around, I'd press charges.

At your ages a 5 year age difference may as well be 30 years. If you care about her so much, wait until she turns 18. If it's true love than waiting for her to be old enough shouldn't be an issue.

believe me when i say my intentions toward her are good, no sex in mind, just kissing, holding hands and hugging. i do not honestly care if you have a problem with it, if you want to point out your issues with it then go ahead. but i would like to know if it is legal in the UK. cause so far things between us are going great. preferably i would like positive feedback.

To answer your question ---- Yes, what you are doing is illegal.

You are a classic pedophile. When you are caught, and you WILL be caught, you will be marked as a sex offender for the rest of your life. Your living arrangements will be constrained (nowhere near a school), and you will have to report your whereabouts to local police wherever you live.

You've already crossed the line with this child. You are probably right now being traced by various methods. The best thing for you is to immediately break off all contact.

Then seek help for your condition.

Okay, don't accuse me of being a pedophile, it's insulting. I left school, and nothing has happened between us, it's just a consideration

Okay, and those are fair enough comments. And people should be getting used to the word CONSIDERATION. I've been using it in pretty much every comment I've given in this. It's the reason I' asking, to try and do the right thing for us

No, I don't enjoy this, I came here to ask for law advice and all of you 'experts' start making assumptions that actually hurt to read. Being called a pedophile hurts you know

In your first post you say your intentions towards this child are good, no sex, just holding hands, a few posts later and now it's a consideration.

That means you have thought about it.

I'm going to burst your bubble right here and now buddy.

Your web address can be traced, that's not a threat that's a fact.

You want to know what's the right thing to do, end the relationship and seek professional help, BEFORE consideration becomes reality, and you confuse love with rape.

Whether you realise it or not your in over your head and whether you want it or not you need some help, I'm not saying that to be cruel, I'm saying it because its true.

Your emotionally attached to this girl, somewhere along the line you have lost sight of what is an age appropriate relationship.

Take a step back and take a good look at what's happening in your life, what are other 16 year olds doing? Not playing with 11 year olds that's for sure.

She is not mature for her age, you are immature for yours.

Talk to someone.

Edit: you invited opinion in your first post, no point getting upset when people give it.

Let me turn the tables.

Should an 11 year old date a 6 year old? That's the same age gap.

Is this for or against me? Cause I'm not sure

I do realize it is in-appropriate. Your insults at the end of what you said have been noted. I've known I need help with my depression for a while. And I just wanted to know the laws, not your moral opinion

Comment on J_9's post
Is this for or against me? Cause I'm not sure

Dude, it's AGAINST you! I have a 17 year old daughter. If she was going after a 12 year old boy I'd lock her up.

You should also be locked up and taught a lesson.

You need to seriously get some help before you wind up behind bars.

The law sees it as sexual assault - it's a criminal offence. This is because in the eyes of the law we are unable to give informed consent to sex when still a child.

A boy who has sex with a girl under 16 (17 in NI) is breaking the law. Even if she agrees.
If she is 13-15, the boy could go to prison for two years.
If she is under 13 he could be sentenced to life imprisonment.
A girl age 16 or over who has sex with a boy under 16 can be prosecuted for indecent assault.

BBC - Advice - Age Of Consent (http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/advice/factfile_az/age_of_consent)

I have copied and pasted a section for your benefit and provided a link to the whole piece regarding underage sex in england.

You will note that at 16 you are of age, and if you have sex with a girl under the age of 13 its life in prison.

Also, to remind you, YOU invited opinion.

I do realize it is in-appropriate.
That's a start


I've known I need help with my depression for a while.
So get PROFESSIONAL help NOW

and I just wanted to know the laws, not your moral opinion
As has been stated already, while this isn't illegal, people's perceptions WILL get you into a deep dark place you DO NOT want to go to.
Are you happy carrying around the label of a PREDATOR and GROOMER for the rest of your life??

The phase Honour Amongst Thieves is very true as criminals will tolerate most things EXCEPT crimes against women and CHILDREN.

I suggest you think long and hard about your destructive course you are setting yourself on.

Ps How's the weather in Melbourne at the moment ?

Humid, but not unberably hot down here. If I liked the heat then I'd say it was very nice, unfortunately I'd prefer to be in canada or the uk during winter. Shame

I'd again, I'd like to say, that SEX WILL NOT BE INVOLVED FOR YEARS. Why don't you people understand that. And that's if we even go past the consideration stage

I thought you were in the UK?

Is it Melbourne or the UK?

An here is another person who didn't help at all. I respect your rules with your daughter. And I haven't done anything wrong. I'm talking about this on here to see if I can go through with a relationship legaly

Well, is it the UK or Melbourne?

Because its under consideration, therein lies the concern.

I am not trying to insult you by saying your immature for your age, I'm basing that opinion on your posts and the information your giving.

If you want to change peoples opinion, you need to take on board what's being said, its not to have a go at you,the root of the concern is to help you realise that dating an 11 year old is not right, no matter what your feelings about her.

She has to head back to the uk, we're in melbourne now

I really should mention at this juncture that AUSTRALIAN Laws concerning this are much STRICTER than the UK ones.
While the ages are the same, the penalties are considerably worse.

Even considering you original post of
just kissing, holding hands and hugging
Would be seen as GROOMING a minor child and will result in a long prison term and permanent inclusion in the sex offenders register.

Your choice really, but if you ever want to lead some kind of meaningful life I suggest you BACK OFF now!!

I have one question for you Husky004...

Did you actually think you would come here and people would approve of this relationship?

If you did, that seriously shows your level of immaturity.

I know people wouldn't approve of it, but I was hoping for more advice with facts on age laws, and less 'moral wrong' acusations

Well, that would have been more pleasant if you weren't yelling, but thank you for the advice. Now I hate australia even more, and know that it definitely wouldn't work out here

You got the facts. In Australia, where you are now, just kissing and holding hands will result in long term imprisonment.

And I am taking everything into consideration, but being called a pedophile and predator isn't very convincing that I should agree with any of you

well, that would have been more pleasent if you weren't yelling, but thankyou for the advice. now i hate australia even more, and know that it definatly wouldn't work out here
It wasn't meant to be pleasant, just the cold hard light of day.
You clearly have very little idea about what you are potentially getting yourself into here and need it telling straight.

Holding hands, the law couldn't do a thing to me in my opinion, even though we haven't done anything but talk so far. Kissing of course would land me in trouble. So we're not

Let's also remember this...

Your IP address is logged by many sites you visit. This one is no exception. What if someone chooses to contact the authorities about this relationship?

Would you think differently about this then?

I know what I'm getting into, it was a risk I took when I asked this question. But I don't care if you have a problem with it. I just needed to know if the law would. And now I know, I'm only here to try and convince everyone that it's not wrong

You aren't going to convince any of us. Sorry, won't happen. We are all, well most of us, parents. We know the difference between right and wrong.

I know the risks, I'm just trying to do the right thing and find out if it's illegal, can't anyone give me credit for not just going ahead with it? At least I asked. A lot of people wouldn't do that beause of the abuse they'll get

The age is different in different parts of the uk where do u live?

i know what i'm getting into, it was a risk i took when i asked this question. but i don't care if you have a problem with it. i just needed to know if the law would. and now i know, i'm only here to try and convince every1 that it's not wrong

What YOU chose to do with your life is YOUR concern, but this course is foolhardy at best if not down right STUPID.

You will NOT be able to convince anyone here that what you are doing has any merit, although we are not your immediate problem, that would be the Australian POLICE.

We will NOT candy coat this as, as you have already acknowledged, is WRONG in so many ways.

And I respect that, as I have said. But even if this is going to end badly, it the only way kids and teens learn from all I have heard, by making mistakes. And I do know the difference between right and wrong. It just depends on who judging

Hi, talking as someone who has been there. First facts... no it is not legal for yous to have sex. You could be done for satutory rape. There is no laws as far as I know on kissing or hugging or holding hands.
Now.. does her parents know about yous? When I was 13 I started to go out with my first boyfriend who was 19 my parents did not like it but they excepted it. Saying that I got pregnant at 15 and they were not happy they could have sent him to prison for for 5 years but I'm glad they didn't because we are still together 16 years and 3 kids later. So what I'm saying is talk to her parents and yours and see what they say.

I hope this helped.

The age is different in different parts of the uk where do u live?

The OP is NOT in the UK, but rather in Australia.

The age is different in different parts of the uk where do u live?

Bunny, please pay attention to the thread.
The OP is NOT in the UK, but Australia.
Also the Age of consent in England is the SAME across the whole country

It did, you're the first person to not call me a pedophile or saying what I'm doing is wrong. Thank you, and I will talk to her mum, her fathers dead, but I would prefer to not tell my parents. I'm not a fan of the 'moraly wrong' lectures

And I know that may seem immature, but it her mum being okay with it that I would like to get more than my own

I have just read down through the answers some of you put here and I'm shocked. Yes I'm a new member but I joined to find help not be judged. I can't believe yous would attack someone like this.
Shame on all yous!

I have just read down through the answers some of you put here and i'm shocked. yes i'm a new member but i joined to find help not be judged. i can't believe yous would attack someone like this.
Shame on all yous!

Shame on us? We don't condone illegal behavior.


I have just read down through the answers some of you put here and i'm shocked. yes i'm a new member but i joined to find help not be judged. i can't believe yous would attack someone like this.
Shame on all yous!

So you would allow your 13 year old to date an 8 year old? Maybe you need some help as well.

Thank you, you're the first to give some possotive feedback. And that means more than you know in this

It says uk in the question sorry

Oi, leave helen alone, at least there's some positive reinforcement in there. You should all know that calling someone a pedophile doesn't really get on there persuasive side

Comment on Helenwozere's post
it did, you're the first person to not call me a pedophile or saying what i'm doing is wrong. thankyou, and i will talk to her mum, her fathers dead, but i would prefer to not tell my parents. i'm not a fan of the 'moraly wrong' lectures
Why is that -- why would you prefer not to tell your parents?

Just to clarify, NO ONE referred to you as a paedophile, the terms used where predator and grooming.

now I hate australia even more, and know that it definitely wouldn't work out here

I hate to burst your bubble, but it wouldn't work out in Canada either. No where, that I know of, would approve of a relationship that involves a 16 year old teen and an 11 year old child.

I would like you to answer something for me, and I did ask in my last post. If you really love her, why not wait to date her? When she's a adult than there's nothing stopping you two from dating. Seven - nine years really isn't that long to wait if you're really in love.

I also want to address the fact that you think we're all being rude. You have to understand something. You're talking to people that all have kids, some of them close in age to you, and the young girl in question. My daughter is 8, it scares the crap out of me that in 3 years I could be facing something like this, and yes, I would view you as a predator, and yes, I'd see you in jail.

You may have innocent intentions towards this girl, but the fact is, she's a child, she is innocent, doesn't know what romantic love is. You are in a position of power because of your age and hers. That's what makes you a predator in the eyes of many of the people posting here.

Also, you asked for advice on the law, and you got it, yet you're still arguing about it. The choice is yours. Do you obey the law, walk away, save yourself from becoming a sex offender (because that's how you'll be viewed in the eyes of the law) and save the girl a lot of heartache and bad memories, or do you continue to date her, proving that you really are a predator, because you know that it's not only morally wrong, but legally wrong as well.

I think that if the girl is willing herself and he's not forcing her into anything, and he's clarifying that he's not touching, I think it's okay. It's just hugging, holding hands, and kissing. People do that normally anyway. I don't think he's going to touch her or anything. It's just my opinion. If they really like each other, I don't think people should be mean about it because it's not any of our choices. It's their choice and you can't really stop love.

Please don't put words in my mouth. I never called you a pedophile, now did I?

Comment on J_9's post

Yeah, but a ton of people here have, and it was nice to get some positive stuff for once

Comment on heyitsemi's post

Thank you, this has made me feel better

I think that if the girl is willing herself and he's not forcing her into anything, and he's clarifying that he's not touching, I think it's okay. It's just hugging, holding hands, and kissing. People do that normally anyway. I don't think he's going to touch her or anything. It's just my opinion. If they really like each other, I don't think people should be mean about it because it's not any of our choices. It's their choice and you can't really stop love.

The girl is a child! He is 2 years away from being an adult in the eyes of the law. She's two years away from even being a teenager!

Also, did you read what the law says? Kissing and hugging in Australia, with their age difference, isn't okay. You can have an opinion, that's fine, but when your opinion is against the law, you really shouldn't be advising someone to go for it.

I also want to add that an 11 year old doesn't have a choice who she gets to date. She's a child, and she's subject not only to the law, but to what her parents allow. If this 11 year old were my child and I found out she was dating a 16 year old, kissing him etc, she'd be locked in her room until she was 18 and I'd see the young man behind bars.

The age of consent for sexual interactions is 16 years.

The age of consent for sexual interactions is 16 years.

So that makes it illegal for the girl in question who is only 11!

Can you both please keep in mind that sex is NOT an option for us for at least 7 more years, we know that

And that's IF this relationship even happens

A reminder for everyone from earlier in this thread.

A 16 year old "dating" an 11 year old, while not illegal, would NOT be looked at favourably by the powers that be.
This is very close to child grooming, which IS an offence.

Also as the OP is in Australia and not UK the child protection laws are a lot stricter..

To be honest if you were locking your daughter up for following her emotions then I'd have to say that's bad parenting. Someone shouldn't be punished for something they may not understand

Comment on Altenweg's post
To be honest if you were locking your daughter up for following her emotions then I'd have to say that's bad parenting. Someone shouldn't be punished for something they may not understand

It's not bad parenting... it's effective parenting. There is a difference.

Yes, someone already pointed that out

I said she was the type of child that pedophiles prey on because of her vulnerability and I stand by that. I still stand by her needing parental love not romantic love.

I also said that I think you have the best intentions to keep it non-sexual at this moment, but I also know that good intentions don't mean anything when people get carried away with kissing, hugging, and hand-holding. Hands can wander where they shouldn't and 'sex' covers more than intercourse.

You are at an age when sexuality can go from non-existent to raging. Just because you don't think about sex much today doesn't mean you won't tomorrow.


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You have a good point, but it doesn't change the way I will feel about her or visa versa. And I realise this is a stupid thing to do. but for once i'm going to follow my heart and not my brain.

Following your heart is what can lead you into trouble, but you don't want to hear that, do you? You want to hear 'go for it'.

I have said that you should be friends. However, I am now wondering how you met and became involved if she is house-bound for a mysterious condition. I think there is a lot you haven't shared that could make your situation even worse.

All I want is for the both of you to get the help you need. The help that you seem to acknowledge but not want to put your neck out for. Instead, you seem intent on keeping both of you in the same pit of depression that you are in now. That really doesn't sound very protecting or loving to me.

I've just read through this whole thread. First, only ONE person called you a pedophile and I think that comment was off base and inappropriate.

Just as inappropriate as your potential relationship with this girl.

You posted this in the Teens forum. Had you posted this in a law forum, the rules for responses would have been different. By posting here you opened your question up to more opinion based responses.

But you asked for facts and got them. But you also got a lot of very good opinions and advice and a few not so good responses. The response from Athos was way off base as I said. The response from Helen was NOT good advice. For every person who successfully developed a relationship with such an age gap there are many, many more that end in tragedy. And frankly, I don't count getting pregnant at 15 to be part of a successful relationship. As for Heyitsemi, I suspect he is another teen who has no clue about reality, just like you.

Based on all you have told us, this is my take. The two of you are not in love, you just think you are. An 11 yr old has no real conception of love. And given what you say about her family situation and depression issues, she is latching on to you to fulfill needs she has lacked and that is NOT a good basis for a long term relationship. You, on the other hand exhibit a lack of maturity. This is evidenced by your refusal to talk to your parents and your refusal to listen to the opinion of anyone who disagrees with you.

You are both still under your parents control and cannot make your own decisions (another immature and false assumption on your part). Either her parents or yours or both can keep you apart legally. And you would be breaking laws by going against their wishes.

Finally, your protestations about not engaging in sex is another sign of immaturity. You have no conception about how quickly cuddling and kissing can get out of hand as hormones take over.

So the bottom line is this is an ill conceived and ill fated relationship. If you choose to continue it, I predict it will not last and you will both be hurt and you mightr find yourself in serious legal hot water. Since this is only a possibility at this time, according to you, make it an impossibility.

I didn't come here expecting people to say "go for it". If they were going to comment I would have liked something like, if you're going to do it then make sure you know your boundaries and don't cross them

to be honest if you were locking your daughter up for following her emotions then I'd have to say that's bad parenting. Someone shouldn't be punished for something they may not understand

Protecting your child from a predator is bad parenting? How do you figure?

Also, you admit that an 11 year old doesn't understand, yet you still want to date this child? Does that make sense to you?

Here's a fact for you. I was prey, and I have to live with what was done to me for the rest of my life. The person that molested me (it wasn't dating, it wasn't mutual, it was molestation) was younger than you, closer in age to your "girlfriend". I refuse to allow that to happen to my kids, and if monitoring everything they do, being active in their lives, making sure they don't make decisions they aren't ready to make, saves them from the nightmares I have to live with forever, then so be it.

An 11 year old cannot make decisions regarding romantic love, because they don't have the capacity to do so, even if they're mature for their age, their brains haven't fully developed, they don't understand the consequences of dating, especially of dating someone 5 years older then them.

Even 5 years from now your relationship will be wrong. She'll be 16, you'll be 21, adult and child.

So once again, I ask you, are you willing to wait for her to be an adult so that it's not only legally okay for you two to kiss and hug and hold hands, but also morally okay?

I really don't know what you expected when you came here. Did you really think anyone intelligent, or old enough to know better, would tell you to go for it and date a child? Is she even allowed to cross the street by herself? My son is 12, a year older than your friend. I can tell you right now that he's not ready to date, and he won't be dating until I say so.

You're thinking like a teen, we're thinking like parents. That's why we don't agree. Thankfully the law is on the side of the parents in this case.

Comment on Altenweg's post

I'm not saying protecting your children from predators is bad parenting, but if he was a reasonable, decent, guy with no bad intentions and he made your daughter happy, would you still turn him down

Comment on ScottGem's post

Well, keep in mind, this is my first post, I didn't know I put in the teens post, I would have put it in the legal posts if I had known, but does it change anything, people would still talk about it the same

'i'm not saying protecting your children from predators is bad parenting, but if he was a reasonable, decent, guy with no bad intentions and he made your daughter happy, would you still turn him down' end quote.

For me as a parent, not even if he was santa clause.

A decent, kind, reasonable guy would have no desire to enter into a relationship with a child.

Could I ask you to use the answer box at the end of the page instead of the comment feature, it makes the thread easier to read and follow.

I'm not saying protecting your children from predators is bad parenting, but if he was a reasonable, decent, guy with no bad intentions and he made your daughter happy, would you still turn him down

At the age of 11? Yes, he'd be gone. You see, at 11 my child doesn't know what's best for her. She doesn't have the experience or the brains to know what's best for her. That's why she needs to live with her parents, people that will care for her and see to it that she learns the things she needs to learn before going out into the big bad world and making decisions for herself. Until that time, it's up to me, her mom, to make sure that she doesn't make a decision that could ruin the rest of her life. She may not always like it, but when she's an adult herself, she'll realize that the decisions I made were in her best interest.

Also, at the age of 11 it isn't love, and I know it won't last. She may be upset at first, but she'll get over it, all 11 year olds do. Love at 11 is a fleeting feeling. It never lasts. I've never met one person that fell in love at 11 and actually ended up being with that person forever. Most 11 year old "relationships" last between a week and a month. Why? Because they're kids, playing at being mature and old enough to date. They aren't ready.

My daughter won't be allowed to date until she's 16, same with my son. That's my rule. I made that rule because I remember being a teen, and I know how easy it is to go from an innocent relationship to something you really shouldn't be doing as a child. You all may have the best of intentions, I know that many of the guys I dated when I was a teen had the best of intentions too. Sadly those intentions get thrown out the window pretty quickly in the heat of the moment.

For me as a parent, not even if he was santa clause.

A decent, kind, reasonable guy would have no desire to enter into a relationship with a child.

Could I ask you to use the answer box at the end of the page instead of the comment feature, it makes the thread easier to read and follow

So I take it that means you think I'm in decent?

for me as a parent, not even if he was santa clause.


I have to spread the rep.

Actually, if you think about it, Santa is a bit off. When you take your young child to visit him they sit on his lap, and he promises them toys. If he wasn't Santa, just some guy, he'd probably be locked up. ;)

And how will she get that necessary experience if she doesn't experience it?

Why did you mention UK in your first post when you live in Australia?

She has to head back there

for me as a parent, not even if he was santa clause.

a decent, kind, reasonable guy would have no desire to enter into a relationship with a child.

could i ask you to use the answer box at the end of the page instead of the comment feature, it makes the thread easier to read and follow

so i take it that means you think i'm in decent?

no.

It means a decent guy would NOT enter a relationship with a child, you are in a relationship with a child...

I don't know about anyone else but I'm finding it increasinly difficult to communicate to the op, the thread is going around in circles.

Comment on redhed35's post

Well, I can be hard to talk to when someone takes an aggressive approach, which some people here have


Actually, if you think about it, Santa is a bit off. When you take your young child to visit him they sit on his lap, and he promises them toys. If he wasn't Santa, just some guy, he'd probably be locked up.

Even I'll agree with that

Comment on Altenweg's post
I'm not saying protecting your children from predators is bad parenting, but if he was a reasonable, decent, guy with no bad intentions and he made your daughter happy, would you still turn him down

I know I would. My daughter is 17. If a 22 year old man came calling (same age gap) I would forbid it because they are in two totally different age groups. Whether he made her happy or not is not the issue. The issue is what he would have in common with her.

Unless you have a mental illness, you have nothing in common with an 11 year old. I had my daughter read this thread and all she said was... "OMG, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth."


Comment on Altenweg's post
And how will she get that necessary experience if she doesn't experience it?

11 years YOUNG is too young for this kind of experience. She should still be playing with Barbie Dolls.

Now, please tell us about her mysterious condition. I'm sure everyone would be interested.

No child 11 should date, any responible parent would not allow it, any other person trying to, would be in jail for a variety of laws and the 11 year old would be grounded to the point of not having a chance to see the other person again.

My granddaughter, most likely they may never see the boy again.

My granddaughter, most likely they may never see the boy again.

Tell me about it... I'd hold this boys hand as I walked him to the police station!

She's 17 and you would prevent her dating? I know what I'm doing is wrong to you, but at 17 people can make there own decisions. Especially if she's sensible enough to feel sick over this.

Comment on Fr_Chuck's post

I saw you in the other person's post, he had the same problem as me. To many people looking on the logical and morals side of the argument. It's no wonder he closed the post after 13 comments

Comment on J_9's post
She's 17 and you would prevent her dating? I know what I'm doing is wrong to you, but at 17 people can make there own decisions. Especially if she's sensible enough to feel sick over this.

Why do you continue to put words in my mouth?

I never said I would prevent her from dating someone her age.

What I SAID was I would not allow her to date a 22 year old. That is the same age difference between you and this child.

Well, sorry, that's what I meant. At 22 there are some decent guys, and your daughters obviously sensible enough to make her own decisions

And I'd brake your legs for trying to make her sad at that time

Comment on Fr_Chuck's post

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I saw you in the other person's post, he had the same problem as me. To many people looking on the logical and morals side of the argument. It's no wonder he closed the post after 13 comments

Here's a site lesson for you. The OP doesn't close the thread. A moderator does if the moderator decides it should be.

I hope you weren't thinking that you could this thread any time you wanted it closed.

Sorry, I just get angry when I think someone I care about could be sad. And I think that would

Comment on J_9's post
Your daughters obviously sensible enough to make her own decisions

You know this how? Until she is an adult and moves out of my home, I either approve or disapprove of her decisions. I am the parent here. Her decisions are NEVER final until they are reviewed by myself or my husband first.

and how will she get that necessary experience if she doesn't experience it?

At 11 it's not time for her to experience it. At 11 it's time for her to be what she is, a child. She'll have plenty of time to experience it when she's old enough to be a bit smart about it. At 11, even if she's the most mature 11 year old on the planet, she's not old enough, and she's not mentally mature enough to handle being in a relationship.

I just told my son about this thread. As mentioned before, he's 12. You know what he said? He said "Why would someone that can drive, can date, goes to highschool, want to date a kid?" He can't wrap his head around it, and he wants to know what you two do together, what you two have in common.

My son has a friend that's 2 years older than him (2 years, not 5!), they've been friends since they were little. This last year they've grown apart. Why? Because his friend is now 14, a teenager, he no longer wants to hang out with the kids, he doesn't have anything in common with my son anymore, they're on totally different levels of maturity. The 14 year old is dating, he's in Junior high, he just got his learner permit (to drive), and he has a job (delivering the newspaper). My son is 12, he's a child. He's still in grade 6, his job is to clear the driveway when it snows. He still likes to play, because he's a kid. Does he like girls? Yes. There's a girl in his class he has a crush on. Is he ready to date? No way! He's a kid!

Comment on Altenweg's post
If a child wants to date then what's the harm in letting them try?

There is nothing wrong with it, when they are the right age. 11 is not the right age.

What age would you consider right to start dating then?

Comment on J_9's post
what age would you consider right to start dating then?

Okay, I've had enough of this. Please stop using the comments feature to follow up. Scroll down to the Answer box.

I consider 15 or 16 to be appropriate if BOTH parties are 15 or 16.

Dude, I've raised 2 sons already, they are 24 and 23. My daughter is 17 and one more son is 8. I think I know what I am talking about here.

Now, tell us about her mysterious condition.

i'm not saying protecting your children from predators is bad parenting, but if he was a reasonable, decent, guy with no bad intentions and he made your daughter happy, would you still turn him down


Yes, emphatically. I would not (and did not) allow my 11 yr old to date period. When she was 13, she was allowed to hang out with boys and other girls in groups. When she was 14 she was allowed to date one on one. AFTER we met the boy.

You still don't get it. We are now talking about an 11 yr old child who you met while she was in Australia. You have given no indication on how you met her, how long you have known her or what you are going to do when she returns to the UK. What about those things?

Bottom line is you have no business tempting this girl with promises of a relationship that you won 't be able to follow through on.

And again, Please do not use the Comments feature for followups. That is not what they are there for. Use the Answer options at the bottom of the page.

Now, tell us about her mysterious condition.

If she wants to talk about it then she will, but until that time I'm going to respect her privacy


scottgem:
You still don't get it. We are now talking about an 11 yr old child who you met while she was in Australia. You have given no indication on how you met her, how long you have known her or what you are going to do when she returns to the UK. What about those things?

Again, if she wants to tell you or she wants me to tell you then I will. But no one here except for me and her have the right to know about that stuff

am I the only one that finds it strange that the pets expert is beter at giving advie the people person from yesterday? Anyway, that's he's opinion, if a child wants to date then what's the harm in letting them try?

The pets expert is also a mom, and female. ;)

There's tons of harm that can be done. That's the problem. I'm 40, to you that must be ancient. I remember being a teen, and trust me, things aren't any different now then they were back then.

You ask what the harm is? Do you really want to know? I don't think you mean this child any harm. I do believe that you have the best of intentions, that you don't intend to have sex with her. The problem is, you're at an age where dating is something you should be doing, something that's expected, something that most of us (when we were your age) did. She's not at that stage yet. She doesn't have the sense God gave a goat when it comes to dating. It doesn't matter if she's smart, or mature, her age, the very fact that she's only 11, means she's just not ready. How do I know? Because every year I've been on this earth I realize how little I knew when I was younger. A lot of that comes from experience, a lot comes from maturing, and even more comes from being old enough to mentally grasp the consequences of every action.

You don't understand what we're saying because of your age. I'm not saying you're not bright, or mature. I'm saying that you're young. Your 16 year old brain isn't able to understand what we know. It has nothing to do with intelligence, it has to do with brain development, experience, and learning. One day, you'll look back and realize that we're right, because you'll have the knowledge and experience to understand.

You are on the verge of become an adult, well, in the eyes of the law anyway. But you still have years of living to do, learning to do, before you are mentally an adult. She's close to being a teenager. She has many many years before she even reaches the stage you're in right now.

Let me ask you something. What were you doing when you were 11? Be honest with yourself. Think about it. At the age of 11 what was the thing you wanted most? What did you do on a day to day basis? Do you remember your thought process when you were that age?

If you're honest with yourself, I think you'll agree that at 11, you really weren't ready to date.

As for the consequences, well, having a friend that was pregnant at 13 because she really didn't think it could happen to her, that was a big enough consequence for me to start rethinking the things I was doing. Sadly it took many more years before I became smart about the whole thing, but that had more to do with the things I went through then actual intelligence. I'm very lucky that I didn't suffer any serious consequences because I did stupid things. Most people aren't as lucky as I was.

I want the best for my kids. I don't want 5 minutes of stupidity to end up ruining their lives forever. I love them too much for that.

Then how did you meet her? Or is that classified information, too?

You first mentioned her condition. We wouldn't have known about it and asked otherwise.

You caused us to think you're in the UK (your original post), and then we discover you're in Australia, so why wouldn't we be curious about who's going where when?

You shouldn't have mentioned either (confidentiality between friends?). The fault lies with you.

scottgem:
You still don't get it. We are now talking about an 11 yr old child who you met while she was in Australia. You have given no indication on how you met her, how long you have known her or what you are going to do when she returns to the UK. What about those things?

again, if she wants to tell you or she wants me to tell you then i will. but no one here except for me and her have the right to know about that stuff

Ok, you finally learned how to properly respond to a thread. Now learn to use the Quote feature.

No, you don't have to tell us about her condition. But that begs the question about why you won't. We have no idea who she is, an advantage of the anonymity of the Net. But even if you don't want to reveal that, why can't you answer my other questions about how you met or how long you know her or what you will do when she returns to the UK?

I'm 40, to you that must be ancient
-first of all, I don't consider 40 ancient, your not young, but you're sure as hell no old, so ancient is an extreem overexaduration.


You don't understand what we're saying because of your age.-
And that is where everyone here is getting it wrong, none of you know me, none of you know what I'm like, I may not be an adult but I do realize the potential consiquences, but we will get through them together, which means I will take anything any logic or moral disagreements any of you can throw at me, because I love her and will do anything for her.


What were you doing when you were 11? Be honest with yourself
-you want to know what I was doing at eleven, like her I didn't want to live, I don't want her to go through that until she's 16 like me. I can help her get through it, and to be honest, she helps me get through it just by listening to me, let alone talking to me


No, you don't have to tell us about her condition. But that begs the question about why you won't. We have no idea who she is, an advantage of the anonymity of the Net. But even if you don't want to reveal that, why can't you answer my other questions about how you met or how long you know her or what you will do when she returns to the UK?
-because they are her business, not yours. If you asked a question about me personally, like my depression, or something that doesn't involve her then I would answer it, because I have the right to answer questions about me. I don't however have the right to answer questions that go that far into her personal life

-because they are her business, not yours.
Why did you bring it up then?

-because they are her business, not yours.
Why did you bring it up then?

Her condition? So you know I have at least one reason to want to help her through this difficult time for her

you want to know what I was doing at eleven, like her I didn't want to live, I don't want her to go through that until she's 16 like me. I can help her get through it, and to be honest, she helps me get through it just by listening to me, let alone talking to me

Do you realize that your main reason for wanting to date her is to make yourself feel better? You're dependent on her for your happiness, and she's become dependent on you for the same. That is scariest part of all of this.

Relationship 101, dating someone just to make yourself feel less sad, is the worst thing you could do. Dating someone vulnerable, young, easily influenced, because they're in the same boat as you, is even more wrong.

You want to date her for all the wrong reason, but you can't see it. You want her to make you happy. She's a child. That's way too much to load onto her plate. You're giving her a responsibility that she simply cannot handle. You're also taking on a responsibility that you're not old enough, or mature enough, to take on.

There's a reason why there are professional counselors, and there's a reason many people on this thread had suggested that you and the child, both see one. Counselors are educated to deal with depression, with the things both of you are going through. You on the other hand, will only do more harm to this child, and you're also putting yourself in harms way by relying on a child to make you happy.

I don't expect you to understand, but at least listen, open your mind to what I'm saying. I've been here. When I was younger I wanted to die, because I hated what I had become, hated what was done to me. I did the same thing your little friend did, I expected a relationship with someone older to make me happy, to make all the bad thoughts and feelings go away. That's not a relationship. That's a disaster waiting to happen, and chances are, you won't make it out unscathed, nor will she.

You need help. She needs help. The last thing either of you need is to date each other and make things even worse. You will break up sooner or later, at your age, and especially at hers, it's inevitable. So, how will you handle having the person you "need" in order to feel happy, taken away?

You think this is a fix to both of your issues. It's not. The only thing you're doing by encouraging a relationship with this child, is making both of your issues even worse.

Please, think about it. Not 5 minutes of thinking, but actually sitting down, writing a list of the pros and cons of this relationship, include all the legal and emotional aspects, and then tell me, do you really, really think that you're doing the right thing for either of you?

her condition? So you know I have at least one reason to want to help her through this difficult time for her

It's not your job to help her through this. You don't have the resources to help her, you're a kid too. She needs professional help.

You can't give her what she needs, you can only do the right thing and walk away, so she will get the help she needs and stop relying on you.

I'm working on "no sex involved, just kissing."

So what is kissing?

(Sorry but I'm coming into this late.)

her condition? So you know I have at least one reason to want to help her through this difficult time for her
It's not your job to help her through this. You don't have the resources to help her, you're a kid too. She needs professional help.

You can't give her what she needs, you can only do the right thing and walk away, so she will get the help she needs and stop relying on you.
-and that's where you're wrong, I can afford to pat for the things she needs to handle her condition. I have a very well paid job considering my age. So I do have the resources to help her. And helping her, that is what makes me happy

I'm working on "no sex involved, just kissing."

So what is kissing?

(Sorry but I'm coming into this late.)


-what do you mean by, "so what is kissing?" I would have thought it was fairly obvious

Kissing in a non-sexual way? Either she's a very old 11 year old with no parental supervision OR you're a very young 16 year old with the same level of supervision.

You aren't here for advice - you're here to argue. I think it's all been said and it's time to close.

Kissing in a non-sexual way? Either she's a very old 11 year old with no parental supervision OR you're a very young 16 year old with the same level of supervision.

-i mean kissing in a 'i love you' kind of way

You don't understand what we're saying because of your age.
-and that is where everyone here is getting it wrong, none of you know me, none of you know what i'm like, i may not be an adult but i do realize the potential consiquences, but we will get through them together, which means i will take anything any logic or moral disagreements any of you can throw at me, because i love her and will do anything for her.

No, you are wrong here. What you don't understand is that we have dealt with dozens, some us hundreds and thousands of similar cases over the years. We have experience in dealing with the little people tell us (and you have told us a lot) and making judgments based on our experience. You may think you are an unusual case, but you are not as unusual as you think. If you truly realized the "potential consequences" you would leave her alone. Because if she is suicidal like you claim the potential consequences are deadly. If you really love her, you would leave her alone until she's old enough and mature enough to deal with a romantic entanglement.


What were you doing when you were 11? Be honest with yourself
-you want to know what i was doing at eleven, like her i didn't want to live, i don't want her to go through that until she's 16 like me. i can help her get through it, and to be honest, she helps me get through it just by listening to me, let alone talking to me

You have to be kidding! You really think you have the skill to deal with a suicidal child?? You really haven't a clue. Even if have gone through it yourself, it doesn't qualify you to help and support someone else. Especially a child.


why can't you answer my other questions about how you met or how long you know her or what you will do when she returns to the UK?

-because they are her business, not yours. if you asked a question about me personally, like my depression, or something that doesn't involve her then i would answer it, because i have the right to answer questions about me. i don't however have the right to answer questions that go that far into her personal life

I will agree that her condition is her business. But not how you met. And especially not how long you have known her or what you will do when she returns to the UK. Those are questions about YOU. And they are material to us providing advice for you. Your refusal to answer those questions are very suspicious.



-and that's where you're wrong, i can afford to pat for the things she needs to handle her condition. i have a very well paid job considering my age. so i do have the resources to help her. and helping her, that is what makes me happy

You think money will do that? Again you haven't a clue. If her condition is psychological the costs of therapy will be very expensive. If its medical medicine will strain your finances. As a 16 yr old, what can you be making, a few hundred a week (USD)? Not anywhere near enough.

This is what I meant by your being wrong about us knowing you. You keep dropping clues that we can use with our experience to know you better and better. What I see is a troubled kid who found a child in a vulnerable condition that looks up to him and strokes his ego. That stroking makes you think you are in love. And this vulnerable child is latching onto you because you fulfill needs that she thinks she has.

This is a recipe for disaster because we have two inexperienced children playing at an adult relationship. So I will say again, if you do care for her you will end this before you truly hurt her.

Oh and yet again, learn how to use the quote feature.

I will agree that her condition is her business. But not how you met. And especially not how long you have known her or what you will do when she returns to the UK. Those are questions about YOU. And they are material to us providing advice for you. Your refusal to answer those questions are very suspicious.
-if it has something to do with her then it's her business as much as it is mine.

You think money will do that? Again you haven't a clue. If her condition is psychological the costs of therapy will be very expensive. If its medical medicine will strain your finances. As a 16 yr old, what can you be making, a few hundred a week (USD)? Not anywhere near enough.
-i earn 800 a week, and that's if I only work during the weekdays, if I exteneded it to weekedns I could make over 1000 a week

sorry husky you are a brat who is self centered and only thinking with your hormones. I feel sorry that you parents have not been there to keep you on a proper leash and set up good moral values, Not to even mention respect for yourself and others.

This is a child, and no an 11 year old is not out kissing a 16 year old. That is not only wrong but honestly sick,

And if you can not see that it is wrong, to be blunt, you have something wrong with your up bringing.

The last thing this child needs is confusion of emotions, being rushed to start having more adult feelings.

The child is confusing the need of love of a parent and security for what you are offering.

i will agree that her condition is her business. But not how you met. And especially not how long you have known her or what you will do when she returns to the UK. Those are questions about YOU. And they are material to us providing advice for you. Your refusal to answer those questions are very suspicious.
-if it has something to do with her then it's her buisness as much as it is mine.

You think money will do that? Again you haven't a clue. If her condition is psychological the costs of therapy will be very expensive. If its medical medicine will strain your finances. As a 16 yr old, what can you be making, a few hundred a week (USD)? Not anywhere near enough.
-i earn 800 a week, and that's if i only work during the weekdays, if i exteneded it to weekedns i could make over 1000 a week

Think about all the personal info you have already told us! Sorry, this just doesn't ring true. The only conclusion I can come to is that you have not known her for very long and that you have no clue what you will do when she returns to the UK. And that you realize that if you answer honestly, it will make you look worse than you already do. And if you lie, we will be able to tell, again making matters worse.

As for what you earn, its still not going to be enough, proper medical care is very expensive.

Chuck is right, you are thinking about yourself, not this child.

For those of you who wanted to know about her condition, we couldn't find the name for it but in basic she has a weak heart valve, if she gets sick (which she easily does) it will hurt intensely. We met two months ago at a wedding between our family's. And from memory those are the three questions I was asked, and have now answered

Mhm, that right, an suspicious questions have been answered. Now you don't know what to say

for those of you who wanted to know about her condition, we couldn't find the name for it but in basic she has a weak heart valve, if she gets sick (which she easily does) it will hurt intensely. we met two months ago at a wedding between our family's. and from memory those are the three questions i was asked, and have now answered

mhm, that right, an suspicious questions have been answered. now you don't know what to say

This isn't making you look better.

Maybe I should explain what a predator is. A predator finds someone weak, someone young, someone they can mold, someone that gives them joy even if it's not in their best interest.

You've said over and over again that you want to be in this relationship because she makes you happy. I don't think you care as much about her mental and physical health as you do about yours. She's a toy that makes you smile. You don't want to stop playing with the toy because then you'll have to deal with your issues instead of focusing on hers.

You're not in love. You're dependent on her for your happiness. You're making her dependent on you because she's weak, emotionally unstable, and too young to know that she's put herself in harms way by dating you.

I'm done with all of this. I hope that her mother wises up, sees what's happening and puts a stop to it. Hopefully it won't be too late to repair the damage you're doing, and hopefully it won't be too late to repair the future damage you may do. For your sake you better hope that she decides to just warn you to stay away, and doesn't actually go after you legally. Maybe being held accountable for your actions legally is the only thing that will get through. Hard lesson to learn, and one that will stick with your all your life.

You're obviously not going to listen. You think that you're the smartest 16 year old in the world, and that you know everything. Apparently this 11 year old child is the only mature 11 year old on the planet as well. Amazing that you two met when there are no other 16 year olds or 11 year olds in the world as wise as the two of you. You know it all right?

Well, since you have it all figured out, go ahead, do what you're going to do, because we can't stop you. We gave you advice, we told you the law, we told you why you shouldn't date her, but you won't listen.

I can only pray that this child goes back to the UK soon so that you'll at least not be able to get to her physically. The emotional damage you'll do, well, let's hope she's strong enough to survive it. If not, let's hope you're strong enough to live with the guilt of only thinking of yourself, and not her.

Good luck.

for those of you who wanted to know about her condition, we couldn't find the name for it but in basic she has a weak heart valve, if she gets sick (which she easily does) it will hurt intensely. we met two months ago at a wedding between our family's. and from memory those are the three questions i was asked, and have now answered

mhm, that right, an suspicious questions have been answered. now you don't know what to say

Excuse me but I don't monitor this site every minute. I've just read your response and now I will say my piece. You just helped me prove, yet again, how immature you are. You let me shame and goad you into answering my questions. Not only that but you answered the one question I agreed you didn't have to. And you didn't answer one of the key questions; What are you going to do when she goes back to the UK.

Now I will deal with the info you did provide. I won't respond to her medical condition because I don't know enough about it to judge. But you have known her only two months. That is hardly enough time for anyone to know they are truly in love, especially children like you. You met her in a romantic setting and that probably influenced you a bit. But it is totally clear that you are rushing into something you shouldn't even be considering. Let her go back to the UK. Keep in touch with her as a friend. When she is 16 or, better yet, older and you want to pursue a romantic relationship, then and only then should you consider such a relationship.

Excuse me but I don't monitor this site every minute. I've just read your response and now I will say my piece. You just helped me prove, yet again, how immature you are. You let me shame and goad you into answering my questions. Not only that but you answered the one question I agreed you didn't have to. And you didn't answer one of the key questions; What are you going to do when she goes back to the UK.

Now I will deal with the info you did provide. I won't respond to her medical condition because I don't know enough about it to judge. But you have known her only two months. That is hardly enough time for anyone to know they are truly in love, especially children like you. You met her in a romantic setting and that probably influenced you a bit. But it is totally clear that you are rushing into something you shouldn't even be considering. Let her go back to the UK. Keep in touch with her as a friend. When she is 16 or, better yet, older and you want to pursue a romantic relationship, then and only then should you consider such a relationship.



Me: first of all, stop calling us children, I know it's what we are, but it makes us look less intelegent than we are, and secondly, when she heads back to the uk I plan to stay in touch online and try to make it work.

Girl: I agree with you in a sense, but when I head back to the uk I will also be trying to keep in contact with him online

me: first of all, stop calling us children, I know it's what we are, but it makes us look less intelegent than we are, and secondly, when she heads back to the uk I plan to stay in touch online and try to make it work.

You aren't as intelligent (notice the spelling) as you think you are. Calling you children isn't an insult. You are children, and not nearly as wise as you think you are.

And I agree you should keep in contact, AS FRIENDS, nothing more.

Being children has nothing to do with intelligence, but it has everything to do with experience. And without experience intelligence doesn't help much. As you admit, you ARE children. So I will refer to you as what you are.

I think you may be a depressed young man who is taking advantage of a depressed and ill child and trying your best to justify what you are doing.
You know you are wrong which is why you don't want your parents to know, perhaps you don't want them to know because you have done this before.
What you are doing is wrong and dysfunctional. Your attraction to this child is sick and I hope you have not touched her already and are trying to see if you are not going to be in trouble when her mother finds out.

I think you know exactly what you are doing and if you have touched this child I hope you get what's coming to you. If you haven't I hope you have the sense to leave her alone and get some help for yourself. This attachment you have to this child is not normal.

And I agree you should keep in contact, AS FRIENDS, nothing more.

Being children has nothing to do with intelligence, but it has everything to do with experience. And without experience intelligence doesn't help much. As you admit, you ARE children. So I will refer to you as what you are.


Me: does that mean I should start referring to you as a ****, cause that's what you are? And if we want to continue this relationship online then we have every right to. As far as the laws concerned an online relationship is meaningless.

Girl:we'll stay friends until I'm 16, it's my choice

-homegirl

Me: I haven't touched her, and the reason I came to this site is to learn what our rights are, but then I had to put up with people like you that automaticaly assume that I am some sex crazy, horemone filled teen, who only thinks about one thing. Did you ever stop to think that not every teen guy is the same?

Girl: were not dating we were considering it but we will stay friends until I'm 16/18 and well date and no he haven't touched me

I don't think you ought to keep in touch with this child at all.
You need to leave her alone. I don't think her communicating with you will be good for her. You have intruded on her growing up process enough. You have her doing things she has no business doing and you know this.
You have problems and you know it, you just don't want to own it. That or you're hiding something.

Instead of kissing and cuddling ("no he haven't touched me"), please spend time working on your spelling and grammar.

-homegirl

me: i haven't touched her, and the reason i came to this site is to learn what our rights are, but then i had to put up with people like you that automaticaly assume that i am some sex crazy, horemone filled teen, who only thinks about one thing. did you ever stop to think that not every teen guy is the same?

girl: were not dating we were considering it but we will stay friends until im 16/18 and well date and no he haven't touched me

If you are as smart as you think you are you would have found out what the law says about this on your own.
So are we now to believe she is right there with you?
I cannot believe you have no clue that a 16 year old messing with an 11 year old is messed up. But this is why your parents don't know.
I didn't say you are sexed crazed I said you have a problem, that you are taking advantage of a child, and you are. At 16 you should know better and I think you do.

me: does that mean I should start referring to you as a ****, cause that's what you are? And if we want to continue this relationship online then we have every right to. As far as the laws concerned an online relationship is meaningless.

It depends on what you do and say online.

Wondergirl-

Me: okay yes I messed that grammar up a bit, what's your point, I can't be expected to be perfect at everything I do

Homegirl-

Me: I'll admit it's strange, but I will not say that it's messed up. Following how you feel isn't messed up and any reasonable person would realize that

Girl: it's my choice as much as it is his.

wondergirl-

me: okay yes i messed that grammer up a bit, what's your point, i can't be expected to be perfect at everything i do
But I was quoting "girl". So that was really you?

Grammer is grammar

You are far from perfect when it comes to grammar and spelling! And you're 16?

Where do you do the kissing and cuddling and deep conversations? At her house? When her mom is there?

Messed that grammar up a bit* sorry I'm laging

I repeat: But I was quoting "girl". So that was really you?

And even after being corrected, you can't spell "grammar" (or lagging) correctly?

But I was quoting "girl". So that was really you?

What about this part?

Are you pretending to be her, posting as her?

Wondergirl-

Me: I'm typing for her when she tells me wants to say. We have not kissed, we wanted to be e sure of the laws before we did anything like that. By the way, I'm rushing my sentances, so I can be expected to make mistakes.

And so everyone knows, this is her las day here in Australia, she goes tomorrow, so leave us alone. We'll go about this relationship however we agree on

Stop rushing and show us that you're as smart as you claim to be. Intelligence does including being able to spell properly.

By the way, it's sentences, not sentances.


and so everyone knows, this is her las day here in Australia, she goes tomorrow, so leave us alone. we'll go about this relationship however we agree on

Leave you alone?

If you no longer want to talk about this, stop posting. You have the option to walk away any time you want to.

Get over it. But from everything I've seen while I've been here, it's that people seem to have a problem getting over things

get over it. But from everything I've seen while I've been here, it's that people seem to have a problem getting over things

Admit it, you didn't come here for advice, you came here expecting someone to tell you that what you're doing isn't wrong, because deep down you know it is.

You don't like being told that you're wrong.

What exactly should I "get over"? Your atrocious spelling, the fact that you seem intent on using an 11 year old?

You posted, you told us what's going on. We told you the truth, and we told you why it's wrong. You either accept that, move on, learn, do the right thing, or you act like a child, do what you want, and suffer the consequences.

The fact that you won't listen just proves once and for all that you're not as mature as you claim. A mature person would actually listen to what wiser people have to say. A mature person would walk away from a potentially illegal situation. A mature person wouldn't try to have a romantic relationship with a child.

You are far from mature.

You brought all of us into this mess. The sad fact is, we do care. We care about the damage you will do to this 11 year old child. We won't walk away from this, because you need to have it drilled into your head that what you're doing is WRONG! If that means repeating it over and over again, so be it.

Where do you do the kissing and cuddling and deep conversations? At her house? When her mom is there?

Following how you feel can be very messed up. Charles Manson followed how he felt. Hitler followed how he felt.

Altenweg-

I'd like to point out, you're a PET expert, not a human emotions expert, I could end this now, but I'd like to get people used to the fact that strange stuff happens in life, some weird, and to some people messed up stuff. But that's life, **** happens, and I was lucky that the strange, weird, messed up thing in my life turned out to be something where two people can be happy just bby being around each other

altenweg-

i'd like to point out, you're a PET expert, not a human emotions expert
Actually, because of her experiences and wisdom, Alty would be a terrific relationship expert, but several others already had that position, and we needed a pet expert who knew his/her stuff, so she ended up doing that. But any of us are permitted to chime in with truth, justice, and good sense whenever we can.

altenweg-

i'd like to point out, you're a PET expert, not a human emotions expert, i could end this now, but i'd like to get people used to the fact that strange stuff happens in life, some weird, and to some people messed up stuff. but that's life, **** happens, and i was lucky that the strange, weird, messed up thing in my life turned out to be something where two people can be happy just bby being around eachother

LMAO! Do you really think that a title under my name means I don't know about anything other then pets?

There's simply not enough room to list all the things I'm an expert in, the same goes for every expert on this site. Pets is my chosen expertise, but I could just as easily be a relationship expert, or a parenting expert, or a teen expert. Should I continue, or are you realizing that your comment was not at all accurate and very childish?

So, as long as it makes you happy you'll do what you want, when you want, with whomever you want? Again you're showing your lack of maturity.

Keep fooling yourself into thinking this is okay. The truth is hard to accept. Let's hope you don't learn it the hard way.

Have you enjoyed your sparring around with grown adults? Have you had fun putting us grown folks in our place, by your stubborn standing up to all our comments? Have you had your ego stroked by showing the world you don't give a rats patoot about what others say, and no one can make you do a darn thing, and you know it? Have you proved to yourself you can defend your opinions, and your rights against any grown up from anyplace in the world?

I hope so, because if you were as brave with your own parents as you are here with us, then they would probably be kicking your smart arse up and down the street you live on, and grounded you under the porch. You know it, and so do we, so for all the brave talk ,and defiant stance you can take online, where its safe, and easy (well maybe not the spelling), You aren't brave enough to let your parents in on what's going on BEHIND THEIR BACK, and online.

Why, because they don't give a rats patoot about what you say, they don't have to listen to your arrogant half grown excuses, they would be mad as hell at you behavior, and put a stop to it all, and there is nothing you could do to change that. We all here know that, as do YOU more than any one.

So bask in your anonymity, enjoy it while you can, because we all know all good things must come to an end, and that includes us stroking your ego any longer. Hope you had a great time and got your question answered properly, and especially hope you got some knowledge that helps you in the future. OH, and feel free to ask other questions as you wish.

So you are going to equate your desire to have a relationship with a child With Darwin's fight to promote his theory of evolution! You are being as ridiculous as that sounds. You have proven yourself to be immature by hurling baseless insults and vulgarity. You came here asking for advice, and you got good advice, from people who care about the child you are exploiting AND yourself. But because that advice was not what you wanted to hear you had, essentially, a temper tantrum.

I predict that your relationship will last 2 years at the most. Because in that time, your hormones will drive you to take up with local girls your own age and her needs will move towards local boys. Maybe, in about 10 years you will get back together, but I doubt it.

Oh, I just noticed the thread was closed. So I will wish you and her good luck, you both need it desparately.