Okay so I've been with my boyfriend for four and half years now and it's been great for the most part. We've had ups and downs. Our biggest problems are these: 1. We live in the town we grew up in. I’m tired of being here I want to get out and explore the world (There has got to be life outside of Idaho). He wants to sit here, buy a house here. He just got the job of his dreams and it seems unfair of me to ask him to leave. I've been going to community college and I'm very close to getting my associates in psych. I want to move on to university.

2. We never do anything romantic... ever. If it happens I have to plan it, pay for it, etc. He makes no effort. Well he'll do little things. Cook dinner once in while, clean the house, and what not. But let's put it this way, last Valentines Day I got a case of beer that he drank. I've mentioned it to him and he says he'll make the effort when he gets more money (ugh!). The man makes 8 dollars more an hour than I do! (Frustrating to say the least)I want the man in my life to make me feel special to him. Like some days I'm top priority.

3. Every thing has to be fifty fifty- the bills, leftovers in the fridge, who gets to spend time with the dogs, just about everything (Besides housework that seems to be split 70-30) Some months I need a little help getting by. I can't even ask him for money to help me out or I get a tab. I have to ask my dad. I would think we're at the point were we can help each other out and make it through life as a team.

4. My friends are dudes. I warned him from the start, I don't often get along with women so the majority of my friends are guys. He has a huge problem with this. He has to be there for me to hang out. Its getting annoying to my friends; they call him my tag along. I can't just go hang by myself. Even if I'm going to chill with my girlfriends I have to ask permission and ask him if he wants to come along, otherwise I'm being rude and not thoughtful.

We do have good laughs together. We're very comfortable around each other and he knows all my deep dark secrets. I love him a lot we've been through a lot of harsh stuff together, getting each other through family deaths and other such hardships. One can't spend this much time together and not be in love with the other. I'm not sure if we're built for happily ever after, but there are days when I can picture it in my head.

But now enter the other man let's call him Patrick. This man I've known for over six years. We were great friends for about three years before I met my current boyfriend. Nothing romantic ever happened, except once when we we're really drunk one night we hooked up. It was little awkward afterwards but Patrick and I decided that we shouldn't make anything of it because we were such good friends. However, I harbored some feeling from that night. We remained friends for about a year or so (Even while I was dating my current) until Patrick moved away, but we kept in contact with monthly phone calls.

For the past six months though I hadn't heard anything from him. I just assumed he was busy and would call me when he got the chance. Then I get an unexpected phone call one night, it's Patrick. Butterflies jumped in my stomach and my heart leapt into my throat when I heard his voice on the other line. The hairs on the back of my neck even stood up. He was in town and wanted to see me. I gulped those old feeling down and went to meet him for a few drinks.

At first the conversation was stagnant you know the usual; Where you been? How you doing? What have you been up to? And etcetera, getting back to our comfort zone. He asks me how my relationship is going and I tell him it's been kind of rocky, but good for the most part. He returns to that by going off. First by telling me I'm too good for him and he's just going to drag me down. I was kind of wondering where it was coming from. That was until he confessed to me that he loves me. I've been on his mind for the past three years everyday. I was stunned; I had no idea that was the way he felt. He kissed me on the cheek and told me one day we'd be together.

I thought I'd clarify and I told him I wasn't a booty call, and if he thought that by saying that he'd get down my pants he was wrong. It offended him that I'd even think that about that.

So for the past three weeks we've been hanging out (with my tag along boyfriend). He says some of the nicest things to me and makes me feel like million bucks even when I feel crappy. I told him I don't want to be stuck between two men, I've hurt to many in the past with cheating, and thus far he's respected my wish. Not even touching me since he kissed me on the cheek. I hate that he makes me feel more worth while than the man I've been with for four years. I hate it even more that he gives me the butterflies in my stomach and my boyfriend doesn't. Patrick was the one that got away, and I guess he feels the same about me.

I don't want to hurt my boyfriend, like I said I love him, but I feel like I will regret it if I let Patrick walk away again. Here he is saying he'll wait for me to make up my mind. Patrick and I want a lot of the same things out of life and I feel like our love could be incendiary. There are a few differences of course. My boyfriend is a lot further along in life plans then Patrick (Even though Patrick is older than him). My boyfriend is financially stable, knows what he wants, has a great job, and would make a great father. Patrick is nearly the opposite.

It's not fair of me to string either along. I feel like there will be regrets either way. But someone please help. What the hell do I do about this situation? I love both men. I have history with both men. But I feel I owe more to my boyfriend. HELP!

Before I get into the new situation, I'm wondering what happened to going to the university in the fall. Did you accept? Did you tell your boyfriend and have a discussion about what it means to you and for your relationship? What was his reaction?

Having read your other posts its likely you aren't as deeply committed as you think, more just comfortable, and now this happens to further distract you. Do the right thing and end things with this friend until things are settled once, and for all with the boyfriend. Its just that simple, and you probably would have done better nipping this friend in the bud when you were having drinks with him.

I really don't think you are that in love with either fellow to be quite honest, as they both hit me as both a convenience, comfort and the right kind of attention, especially the "friend". You are only caught between them because you want to be, and have taken no steps in your own behalf not to be.

But as you say, all feelings aside, you do have a boyfriend you live with thus a commitment to him above all else, regardless of whether he is perfect or not.

Yeah we discussed it. He has his family here and his new job (That he has a chance of buying ownership). He basically told me he'd lose way too much if he moved anywhere with me. He left me to make the choice. I told him I'd play it by ear until fall rolled around. I'm addmitted into school for the fall and I plan on going. I need to do that for myself regardless of either guy. I'm just relly confused. I spent so much time pushing him to be where he is why can't he do the same for me? I'm aware of my commitment to my boyfriend. And I don't plan on breaking that or his trust. I'm not going to **** around just because some old friend now entered the picture. I want to fully think all these things through to get a so what clear level headed view of this whole thing. I just think that maybe I'm over thinking things. And Tal maybe your right maybe I'm not in love with either guy especially "patrick"(although I don't think it's a matter of convience because it's not convient in any way shape or form). I think perhaps what I need to do is quit stringing myself along with both guys. Because really I'm all mixed up because of myself. And I hate that all these feelings and emotions get caught up in the way... If only I could think rationally (But I suppose that's also why I asked for help). I think my problem is that I want answers and results right now I'm not really ready to wade through the pain. But I guess it's time to dive in :(

My first impression when I read your original post was that you are facing some big changes and you are scared. You are looking for comfort, whether from your boyfriend or Patrick.

You aren't sure if you want the life your boyfriend wants. I don't think you'll be able to answer that until you go to college, see what living in the big city is all about and whether you like it, and pursue your dreams. I'm glad to hear your boyfriend didn't try to pressure you into staying. It sounds like he is supportive of you going away. I didn't have the impression before that you expected him to come with you, so the fact he wants to stay where his family is and pursue his new job is a good thing. It makes sense for him.

I can't help but think that going off to college on your own will be a good experience for you, one way or another. You will certainly get some answers to your questions. You've already stated that you are going to college for yourself, regardless of the guys. My suggestion to you is to concentrate on that. Starting a new relationship with Patrick doesn't really seem to make sense at this time. I think the next 6 months or so would be better used to figure out what you want in life, and whether that includes trying to do the long-distance thing with your boyfriend. If you aren't committed to making that work, why not a fresh start with neither of the men? You are right that it isn't fair to string them along.

I think your right I am scared to make the change for myself especially alone. I thought that maybe my feelings for pat had some just cause but I guess I was wrong. Idon't think long distance will work for four year but perhaps it could

Will it be 4 years? I remember that you had been going to community college. Won't most of those credits apply to your degree?

You can always try and see if it works, but only do that if you see him in your future. Don't do it if you are just wanting the comfort of having a boyfriend.

I know it is scary, but it will be a huge learning experience for you in many ways. Why don't you spend some time looking in the area where you will be? Get excited about things you would like to explore there. Don't make the mistake of coming home too often. You want to make the most of this experience, and mostly you want to grow from it. I'm excited for you - time for you to get excited. :)

Build the life that makes YOU happy without it depending on anyone else. Look forward to those new options, and opportunities, that will make themselves apparent once you take that first step for YOURSELF.

Sometimes we have to let go of the past, and what we have done before, to move forward in life. Changing old familiar people , places, and things is never easy, but it starts with taking that first step.

You have done that by setting your goals at college, and that's your first step. Letting go is the second one, and that's where you are NOW!!