Hi everyone,

I am stuck. I've been in a relationship for nearly 3 years now. I still loves him very much, but I know that (because he has said) he doesn't love me the same way I love him. He still loves me, but just not the in the same way. It's been a really hard fact to swallow, and it has affected me a great deal. So I pushed for a decision, and we effectively broke up over the phone. Before this happened, we have been arguing for a while, nearly 6 months, and even the smallest things can turn into huge arguments.

So now, after the break up phone call, he keep texting me to ask if I am OK. I haven't replied until today when he said "are you still not speaking to me?". I said what do you want to talk about? Then he just said that he wants to check if I am OK.

What should I do? I feel like I need proper closure of some sort. I still have heaps of things at his place, and I want to give his stuff back as well. But deep down, I still have a slim hope that maybe he has realised how much he loves me and wants to work things out together.

I call this time the "during" of a break up, where you are not properly broken off, but then one person might be hoping for a different ending to the story. That person is me at the moment, but I don't if that's the right thing for me. After all, 3 years, we still live in our own places, he still hasn't travelled to meet my parents in another country. He doesn't hang out with my friends or ask me to hang out with his, and every time we argue, he always points the finger at me.

Am I stupid to even hope things to work out?

Arrrr...

3 years is a long time to be with someone and its normal to have strong emotional attachments to a person. I am going through a breakup right now as well from a 3 year relationship.

At this time its best to have no contact, work on yourself, go to the gym, hang out with your own friends, read a book anything to just get your mind off the person.

Or if it gets really bad just find a friend to talk to about your breakup, just to vent, when you hear yourself talking about it, you will get a better understanding why it happen and it won't be clouded by your emotions of missing that person.

You almost sound like a secret to me... what have the two of you done that actually meshes your lives together? In three years you haven't met his parents or his friends? When in love these things are usually really important. I can't believe you went three years of waiting for that kind of connection. I would've given up a long time ago. Don't kid yourself into thinking that things will change because if they haven't yet it's doubtful that they will. Why wait around for a man who doesn't seem to care. You were built for a better kind of love.
Loneliness seems to creep in right after a break up and you crave that level of comfort you had. Blow past those limits and barriers. This man didn't love you the way you deserve to be loved. Why waste so much time on him? Jaded is right work on yourself for a bit. Some can get lost inside a relationship and lose their own hope and dreams, lose themselves. How about you refind yourself or even better redefine yourself. Become the change you want to see. There will be man out there who will love you for you, and this man will want to show you off to the people within his world.

After rejections and break ups I recover quicker when I disappear from the persons life. Bet you will to after a proper break up to dash the false hope of a happy ending.

Hi,

Thanks for the comments. I wasn't a secret to him. His family knew about me, and invites me to all the of the gatherings. My family is in another country, so it's difficult to do that. But anyway, I've asked to have no contact for a while. I don't want any more hope from him. There was just so many things wrong with the relationship, and I am even amazed myself that I put up with it all for so long.

It's just sad that I've put in 150%, it still wasn't good enough to make it work...