I have daughter with a woman I was never married to. I had suspicions that she was being unfaithful but said nothing. But I also have a 4 year old son with my wife. I left abruptly because I was seeing signs that she was abusing my son who was only 2 and a half at the time. We were residing with my parents in PA at the time but they refused to believes my suspicions. I have only seen my daughter once after she was born and that was before child support was filed. I was not present for the birth nor did I sign the birth papers.and a DNA test was also not done. My brother was actually coned into signing against my knowing.The mother had my current address for emergency only but had all child support to an address that I have not lived at for almost a year. I can not afford the C.S. and wish to just surrender my rights to end the stress and issues I am having. It is not fair to my wife or my 4yr old son. Esp. When I am told from the mother herself that there is another man in her life who is raising and supporting my daughter.

This is at the top of the Family Law forum marked "read this first." https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family-law/signing-over-rights-read-first-116098.html It explains why you can't surrender your rights.

Your brother signed paternity papers using your name? That is a criminal act and could be a felony - if you can prove it. Have you gone to Family Court with this issue? Depending on the legal stage this is in and your State, the age of your daughter, you MIGHT be able to request DNA testing now.

Fair or not, you have a legal obligation to financially support any children you father. That's how the law sees it and that's why you can't walk away whether the present situation is unfair to your wife and child. The Courts take a stance that if you can't afford the first child, you should have a second. I'm not judging; I'm just telling you how the Courts see things.

I'm not exactly clear but the mother of your daughter was abusing your son (by another woman) so you stopped all contact with the mother of your daughter but left your daughter with this abusive woman? Or am I not reading you correctly?

At any rate - age of child and name of State in order to give a more complete answer concerning DNA testing. Also need to know if there is Court-ordered support. Obviously no one can force you to see the child; however, if you want to see the child the Court can order visitation.

If someone wants to adopt the child and meets the criteria, you could then "sign off" on the child.

The standard answer to this question: Please read the sticky on terminating parental rights in the family law section. It WILL answer your question. Courts very VERY rarely terminate parental rights other than to facilitate an adoption. You cannot legally stop being a parent because of a difficult situation. If it were that easy, a lot of people would do it.

Of course, my concern is why you would leave your son alone because you suspected abuse. If that were the case, why would you leave him alone with and at the mercy of the abuser. You are supposed to be his biggest advocate, not move away when he needs you the most.

No wait please. Don't be confused. When I left abruptly I took my son with me. He is the child that I have in my custody. Bc I left with my son is the reason why the mother of my daughter is raising hell with me. I have even taken her to court

For harassment. Because once she received wind that I decided to work things out with my ex wife she began calling Child protective services making false accusations.

I left the mother before my daughter was born. When I confronted my daughter mother about hitting my son she denied everything but also became very defensive in a aggressive manner.

On the topic of me signing my rights. This woman has gone out of her way to make it so that the only connection to my daughter is money. And I can not afford a lawyer to take her to court for anything. Which is where I feel that the only way I

Can afford to support my son and keep out of jail is to surrender my rights esp when she has two adults one a blood parent and the other is a man who is playing the role of dad.

To support her.

You do NOT need an Attorney to file in Family Court (or whatever Court handles these matters in your area). The are VERY user friendly.

Again - is there Court ordered support? If so, did you appear at the Hearing? I don't understand your brother's part in all of this.

Just for the record - was my understanding correct? The mother of your daughter was abusive to your son but you left your daughter with her? (Please see my original post.)

I do understand your frustration and upset and financial concerns. Unfortunately, the legal system doesn't understand and while we can discuss the various problems here you CANNOT surrender your rights UNLESS someone is willing to ADOPT your daughter.

On a completely different angle - is this woman fit to be raising your daughter? If not, can you prove she is unfit?

And when I left under the suspicion of abuse I was more concerned with getting son out of there and get him safe. Because at the time I had no proof. I have not seen my daughter so I have no proof that she may be abused either.

I did not appear because I never received a letter. I knew nothing until c.s. called me. After the court date. My brother was told that I gave the OK to sign the birth papers in my name. So he did.

Okay, now we're getting somewhere. Your brother has committed a very serious fraud, perhaps a felony. You need to go to the Court where the papers were filed and tell the Court what you've told me. You CAN get the support order set aside (and some of that depends on how much time has past) and you CAN demand DNA testing.

You need to do that - the mother has also participated in a felony, by the way, if she allowed someone she knew was not the father to sign the birth certificate, no matter what name he used.

(The more I read, the more I understand why you're upset.)

Your clarification did help a great deal. Unfortunately, it doesn't change very many of the answers. Both your ex and brother are a party to fraud, but family courts are notoriously slow to rectify fraud when it affects fathers (child support over payments, payments from someone who was proven to not be the father, etc.) In terms of your parental rights though, this doesn't really change them. As long as you are legally (not biologically but legally) the father, one of the only ways to terminate your rights is pursuant to an adoption.

Even if you can prove the fraud, they may be hesitant to simply terminate your rights when they consider the precedent you have set by paying support for a child you know is not yours and of course what is in the best interest of the child. (and that is to have two parents, one of whom is paying support if they are not together) It takes a truly extraordinary circumstance to just have a court terminate rights. Your best option may be step-parent adoption, which would terminate your support obligation and allow the other man to raise her as his own. (which he already seems to be doing) Your frustration is understandable, but the child is not at fault. Hopefully all the adults involved are able to work together and find the best outcome for her.

Your clarification did help a great deal. Unfortunately, it doesn't change very many of the answers. Both your ex and brother are a party to fraud, but family courts are notoriously slow to rectify fraud when it affects fathers (child support over payments, payments from someone who was proven to not be the father, etc.) In terms of your parental rights though, this doesn't really change them. As long as you are legally (not biologically but legally) the father, one of the only ways to terminate your rights is pursuant to an adoption.

Even if you can prove the fraud, they may be hesitant to simply terminate your rights when they consider the precedent you have set by paying support for a child you know is not yours and of course what is in the best interest of the child. (and that is to have two parents, one of whom is paying support if they are not together) It takes a truly extraordinary circumstance to just have a court terminate rights. Your best option may be step-parent adoption, which would terminate your support obligation and allow the other man to raise her as his own. (which he already seems to be doing) Your frustration is understandable, but the child is not at fault. Hopefully all the adults involved are able to work together and find the best outcome for her.


Again - I disagree. I have not found that the Courts are notoriously slow to rectify fraud (particularly when it affects fathers). In fact, I have found that the Courts are quick to jump on fraud because they don't want to hear the case in ANOTHER 10 years.

Until DNA is performed no one knows how to proceed in this case. First - establish paternity. Then ponder the options.

At this point the OP is the legal father only because the Court has believed fraudulent papers. That's easy to rectify.

Your experience in these matters, in your State, is obviously very different from mine.

Again, first paternity has to be established. This may all be moot, depending on those results.

I need the court system where you live... they pretty much don't care at all here.

New York - interesting. My stepdaughter is an Attorney in Richmond. Just noticed where you live.

NY is taking fraud very seriously these days.