I really hate my mum at the moment she went through all my things and found some stuff that I didn't want her to see. Now I'm in trouble she should have just stayed out of my things. She read my journal and found out that I slept with my boyfriend she's not happy about that she doesn't want me to see him anymore but she can't stop me. She found some pills in my room and is going off about that. I tried talking to her but she just yells at me. I just want her to understand that I'm 15 and I can make my own decisions and that I feel really hurt that she would not trust me and go through my things. I never gave her any reason to do that I'm not a bad kid I just want her to understand and to listen to me

For one thing your already making poor decisions and it is showing in what your doing. You need to be the good child and listen to your mom. At 15 you really don't know it all. Having sex and taking pills is extremely irresponsible. You need to stop that right away. Your mother has the right to not only go through your stuff but to take it all away. Choose carefully. Do extra chores and start being grateful for what you have been given. Consider this a second chance at life before it goes terminaly awry.

If you live in your mother's house, one thing you don't understand is that it is HER house and she has every right to go through your room.

If I found out my daughter was having sex at 15 I'd be upset too!

Pills? What kind of pills? Where did you get them? Why are you taking pills? I hope they are birth control pills!

Time to realize that you are the child here. She has the right to bring you up as she sees fit. Since you are a child trying to behave as an adult, with adult consequences, I don't see that she did anything wrong.

I feel really hurt that she would not trust me and go through my things. but she obviously couldn't trust you...

Comment on J_9's post

I work, pay her rent and half of the bills I thought that would enttle me to some privacy. The pills are nothing bad just to help me study 4 school its hard working and going to school at the same time I just needed a little help. I need her to listen

Comment on califdadof3's post

I don't make poor decisions. I am responsible I went to the doctors and got birthcontrol before I even had sex I make sure he uses a condom. She can't take my stuff I paid for it and I pay my share of everything ,I just want her to listen to me talk 2 m

Comment on adviceishere's post

I never gave her any reason not to trust me. I am good, I come home when she says to I pay my own way I do good in school so I don't see why she went through my room id understand if I was bad or something but I'm not and she had no right 2

I hate her so much at the moment she won't listen to any thing I have to say. I've tried talking to her but she won't listen she says that I have to leave my boyfriend and go to the doctors and tell them about the pills she found.I just want her to listen to me. Its my body and I have been responsible about using birthcontrol we both got tested for std s before we even slept together and the pills well I only use them to help with studying. I just don't knnow how to make her listen to me I try and she just yells or she walks away she said she will listen to me when I do what she says. I don't think that's fair if she won't listen to me why should I listen to her and how is that fair that I have to leave my boyfriend just to make her happy. My boyfriend even came around so we could talk to her but she just yelled at him to get out of her house. I'm just trying to explain to her my point of veiw she's very clear about hers so why won't she listen to mine. I'm not a bad kid I do respect what she has to say so she should have the same respect for me and I don't think just because she is my mum she should be able to control my life she should give me advise and listen to me but let me make my own choices

Tazma, a bit of advice on using this site: there is a box at the bottom of the page labeled My Answer. It allows you to respond to the thread and it gives you more room than the Comment box does.

Another tip: Please do not use chat speak. It is against site rules and result in your post getting deleted or your thread being closed. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/faq.php?faq=vb_faq#faq_faq_rules

Okay, on to your problem:

Taking pills to help you study is dangerous and irresponsible. Many people start taking pills for studying and then it is for work then it is for going out...

How old is your boyfriend? Do his parents know what you two have been up to?

No form of birth control is 100% effective. Even pills and condoms used together don't work all the time. Just ask some of our members who are proud parents.

You are 15. You are by legal definition a minor and subject to your mother's rules. Even if you pay rent you are subject to your landlady's rules.

Your mother is legally responsible for everything you do while you are a minor. Apparently you weren't covering your tracks as well as you thought you were if she felt the need to go through your belongings. Are you sure you are doing as well as you think you are?

You want your mother to listen to you, but have you listened to her. Have you actually paid attention to what she is trying to tell you?

Who are you going to blame when the house of cards (pills and sex) falls down around you?

My boyfriend is 21 I know that doesn't sound really good but we have been friends for ages and he is very respectful of me and what I want. He doesn't live with his parents he has his own place.

I have listened to what she has to say. I understand that she doesn't want me to have sex with my boyfriend I know what can happen (pregnant) I know nothing isn't 100% safe. But she also needs to understand that it is my body and I can do what I like if that means sleeping with him then I don't see what she can do. I don't want her to be mad at me I would like to be able to talk to her about it. Just because I'm 15 doesn't mean she has to treat me like a little kid. I know taking the pills isn't the best way to study but you have no idea the pressure I'm under trying to do well at school so I can get into a good university when the time comes at the end of the day I'm only trying to make her proud of me.

I understand that the choices I make can and might have negative consequences. But it would be nice to be able to talk to my mum about if she wants me to listen to her then isn't it only fair she listens to me. I just don't know what do to make her listen

But she also needs to understand that it is my body and I can do what I like
Actually, no. Your body is hers until you are 18 when you become legally an adult.

Just because I'm 15 doesn't mean she has to treat me like a little kid.
Then stop acting like one.

I know taking the pills isn't the best way to study but you have no idea the pressure I'm under
Who's applying the pressure? Pills aren't the answer.

But it would be nice to be able to talk to my mum about if she wants me to listen to her then isn't it only fair she listens to me. I just don't know what do to make her listen
How you make her listen? You listen to her first. It doesn't sound like you have been and are doing that.

Tazma, what part of the world do you live in? I am asking this for a very important reason. Pregnancy may be the least of your boyfriend's problems. Do you know the term 'Statutory Rape'? Do you know what it means? Depending of the Age of Consent where you live, your mother may be able to bring charges against him. If you go against her wishes, other laws could apply, too.

You seem to be slipping into a common trap and I don't want to see all of your hard work go to waste any more than your mother does.

How long ago did all of this happen? Perhaps if you do as she asks and give her time to calm down, she will be more open to hearing what you want to say. I highly doubt she will agree with your argument and rationalization, but she may be less inclined to cause him any problems.

For this moment, calm yourself down and act as mature as you believe you are. This is a chance to prove to your mother that you can handle a problem without making it worse. Trust me, as a mother, how you act and react will go a long ways toward proving your point. It will work a lot better than trying to make her listen.

If you want to be heard, show her that you are listening to her. Repeating 'It's my body... ' will probably not go over well. Think about other ways to explain your point of view. You might even write them down and see if you would accept them if you were the mother and it was your child who said these things to you. Be honest with yourself.

I live in Australia. So your saying that she can bring charges against him that's stupid when I wanted to sleep with him. So the only way I can get her to listen is to not see him anymore. I know I sound like a kid saying this but how is that fair. Do as I say or else! Isn't it my life. I want her to listen to me but I don't want to give up the one person who has supported me through all the hard times in my life. I know if it was my daughter I wouldn't be happy about it but id at least talk to her about it not yell and not care what she has to say. She treats me like an adult get a job, pay rent, but then when she finds out something she doesn't like then all of a sudden she treats me like a child. I don't want to cause problems with her or for him either. She doesn't understand the amount of pressure she puts on me "do well in school so you can go to university" "get a job so you can learn how to manage money and pay bills" so I try I just need a little help sometimes. My boyfriend is a big help she doesn't even know it he's the one that helps me study he doesn't like me taking the pills but at least he understand he doesn't yell he just talks to me. If she takes that away I have nothing its not like she ever supports me she has her own problems

I live in Australia. So your saying that she can bring charges against him that's stupid when I wanted to sleep with him.

Wrong, Your boyfriend broke the law!

Federal laws (legislation that applies to all Australian people)Under federal legislation, it is an offence for an Australian citizen, resident or body corporate[1] while outside of Australia to have sexual intercourse with a child under the age of 16 [2] or to induce a child under the age of 16 to have sexual intercourse,[3] or be somehow involved in a similar sexual act.[4]

It is an offence in the Australian Capital Territory to engage in sexual intercourse with a person under the age of 16 (Crimes Act 1900, s55(2)). However it is a defence if the younger party was aged 10 years or older and the offender was not more than 2 years older than the younger party. (s55(3b))

I mean really, what do you expect a mom to do when their CHILD has a 21 year old man as a boyfriend? She is supposed to check through her stuff to make sure things are on the up and up, and what did she find? Her 15 year old daughter is having sex with a grown man, and doing drugs!! So much for the innocent responsible act! What a sham, and you should consider yourself lucky this fellow ain't in jail, and you ain't locked up in a rehab somewhere.

Quite whining and do as your told before YOUR worst fears are realized. Jail for him, and rehab for you.

Now straighten up your act, and do as your told, or your mom will do more than scream, and holler.

You get treated like you act, so don't blame your problems on anyone but yourself!!

I wasn't trying to blame my problems on anyone.I just wanted her to listen to what I had to say. Being a teenager isn't easy I'm sure I'm going to make lots of mistakes but it sure would be nice to be able to talk to my mum about it. Maybe I would listen to her if she was talking instead of yelling at me. I know sleeping with him probably isn't a good idea seeing as I know now its against the law I don't want to cause trouble for him.And I'm not a drug addict so I don't need to go to rehab I only use them when I need to.

I don't need to go to rehab I only use them when I need to.

Wrap your brain around this one, a 15 year old who uses drugs when she NEEDS them. I would send you against your will, whether you NEEDED to go or not. That's how addiction starts with a NEED.

I suspect talking to your mom would be easier when you prove you do listen. You have proved to her you do NOT. You have potential, use it, and see if her attitude doesn't change, because as a parent we never listen to our children when we know they are NOT listening to us.

Your words, and actions just don't match.

Saying you are, and doing such destructive things as having sex, and doing drugs is not listening. No matter how smart you think you are, because you don't need a grown man in your life as a boyfriend, nor NEED to do drugs, NO 15 YEAR OLD DOES, and until you stop both behaviors, no one will listen to your justifications, and you telling them how smart, and responsible you are when you are carrying on doing the WRONG things. It ain't going to happen.

Your words, and actions just don't match! They are not those of a responsible teen ager who obeys her parents and listens to them.

So I just have no choice I'm my own life if I want her to listen to me I must do as she says. I'll do as she says stop seeing mt boyfriend stop taking the pills. Then what is she going to say when my studys start to go down hill.I go to school until 3 then I work until 9pm then I come home and have to try and study if I don't have my pills to keep me awake to study I fall asleep then I fail my classes (not what I want). If I didn't have to work it would be easier but that's not a choice I get to make either that's something she wants me to do so as you say I obey her and be a good child.I understand now to be listen to you have to do what makes your parents happy and not what makes you happy. Thank you for making me realise its all about making her happy and my opinion or what I want really doesn't matter.

So i just have no choice im my own life if i want her to listen to me i must do as she says. I'll do as she says stop seeing mt boyfriend stop taking the pills. Then what is she gonna say when my studys start to go down hill.I go to school until 3 then i work until 9pm then i come home and have to try and study if i dont have my pills to keep me awake to study i fall asleep then i fail my classes (not what i want). If i didnt have to work it would be easier but thats not a choice i get to make either thats something she wants me to do so as you say i obey her and be a good child.I understand now to be listen to you have to do what makes your parents happy and not what makes you happy. Thankyou for making me realise its all about making her happy and my opinion or what i want really dosnt matter.

Ok, Im going to try to explain this. Right now your asperations do count. Your mom is doing her best to see that you can do your best when you get out on your own. The world doesn't bend your way. If you think your mom is harsh try coming back here in 6 years and tell us what life is like. Your getting a chance to smarten up and be ahead of your peers. I know you don't see it but this discpline now is going to carry you a very long way into the furture.

I applaud you for doing good in school and having a job that your keeping up with. But as with later in life its all about choices and only biting off what you can chew and not more so life doesn't choke you. You are important and yes your loved because if your mom didn't care then she wouldn't put the effort there. She's being your mom not your best friend. That part actually does come later ;)

Good Luck !

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to califdadof3 again.


Originally Posted by tazma95
So I just have no choice I'm my own life if I want her to listen to me I must do as she says.

Not now you don't, but it won't be long before you will be fully responsible for yourself, and can do as you wish.


I go to school until 3 then I work until 9pm then I come home and have to try and study if I don't have my pills to keep me awake to study I fall asleep then I fail my classes (not what I want)

Pills are no substitute for good study habits, and self discipline. You will find that you don't NEED those pills to be a good student, and a hard worker and finding that out now will serve you well later. Bad habits like drugs are hard to break later.


I understand now to be listen to you have to do what makes your parents happy and not what makes you happy. Thank you for making me realise its all about making her happy and my opinion or what I want really doesn't matter.

Despite your sarcasm, you are spot on. When you "grow up" you will understand better, and when you have a half grown, rebellious daughter of your own to raise, you will really understand.

I understand that she is just trying to prepare me for when I'm an adult by having a job and doing good at school.Woudnt it be good if she also let me make my own choices even if they do turn out to be a mistakes. I just want to have some kind of a life I never have time no do much else just work and study as you say I'm only 15, I hardly ever got to see my boyfriend or my friends.Now I have to break up with him that's not going to be easy "sorry but my mum said i can't see you". Now I don't even feel like I have any privay in my own home she can just go through all my things when ever she wants. If she would listen to me and didn't react the way she does then I wouldn't have to hide things from her but she doesn't listen. If its not good using pills to help me study when I'm so tired and can't concentrate then what am I suppose to do? I don't want to fail school I want to go to uni and get a good job I don't see that there are any other options

Work hard and give it your best shot. You can do this the right way and your mom will be proud, you will be proud, and for sure, we will be proud of you.

Its not that easy to just lay my future on the table and say ha just give it your best shot. What if my best shot isn't good enough, what if I can't study and fall asleep and fall behind then I'm screwed. No uni no future just a dead end job. Yeah that sounds great. I will stop seeing my boyfriend for now. Ill be 16 in a few months, by then I will have listen to what she said then she should listen to me. Ill be a "good little girl" but as for the pills well it is my future and if it's the only way that I can study while still woring and making her happy then I guess ill just have to find a better way to hide them. I see no other way to be able to get good grades work and keep her happy

its not that easy to just lay my future on the table and say ha just give it your best shot. What if my best shot isnt good enough, what if i can't study and fall asleep and fall behind then im screwed. No uni no future just a dead end job. Yeah that sounds great. I will stop seeing my boyfriend for now. ill be 16 in a few months, by then i will have listen to what she said then she should listen to me. Ill be a "good little girl" but as for the pills well it is my future and if its the only way that i can study while still woring and making her happy then i guess ill just have to find a better way to hide them. I see no other way to be able to get good grades work and keep her happy
Do you work every day from 3 to 9? What do you do?

Are you hooked (psychologically) on the pills?

If you're as smart as you say you are, why can't you get your schoolwork done and be in bed by midnight? If you have a strict bedtime routine and stick to it every night (without relationship thoughts crowding your brain), you should be able to go to sleep fairly quickly and sleep through the night.

I work every day from 3.30 until 9 on Saturday and Sunday I work 11 to 3 then 5 to 10.30. By the time I actually get home it doesn't leave me much time I'm usually up to 1 studying.Not every night but most. I am not hooked on the pills I use to study with out them but id either fall asleep at the computer or stay up so late the next day id fall asleep in class. It got so bad my mum was called in for a parent teacher meeting because my grades were so bad. I Tried to tell her I couldn't handle school and work but as usual she didn't want to hear it she said I just needed to apply myself more to my studies. Oh I'm a waitress

its not that easy to just lay my future on the table and say ha just give it your best shot. What if my best shot isnt good enough, what if i can't study and fall asleep and fall behind then im screwed. No uni no future just a dead end job. Yeah that sounds great.

Here is where your inexperience shows through. Life is full of disappointments. And its full of the greatest joys you could imagine. But the real deal is that you have to live it to experience it. That's why us "old" people are saying the things we are. You appear smart enough that you should already know that failure is a learning experience not the end of the road. There are people in their 80's graduating college. You have a lifetime to live out and there is no roadmap. What you really need to focus on is staying the course and keeping yourself out of trouble. After that then focus on your passion. It really is true that when you do what is your passion you don't have to work. It's a joy everyday. Ive followed my passions and it has lead to many great experiences and friendships that otherwise wouldn't exist. Yes there are hassles along the way. Life is not always easy. But if you are true to yourself and remain so you will excel without even trying. Keep it real.

Something to look at when you study, are you spending time dreading it and making last longer than it should? Are you having any problems with the materials? We can help with those.

Looking at your schedule, when was your boyfriend 'helping you study'? Where was he helping you study? I think I am beginning to see where your mother started getting concerned and why she went through your things.

I am concerned that you haven't been totally truthful about the pills. What type of pills have you been using to stay awake while studying? Have you started using them in the morning to 'get started' and stay awake in class? Have you used them for that even once? Have you been tempted to? Do you have trouble going to sleep after taking them? Have you taken pills to go to sleep?

When I study all I can think about os getting it done as quick as possible. I use to go to my boyfriends house on Saturday and Sunday between shifts he would help me study then and sometimes he would sneak over at night if mum was asleep. Well I'm glad you understand why she was concerned and went through my things because I don't think I gave her any reason to.

I'll be honest about the pills I've been taking dexamphetamines.Everynow and again I use them to help me at school if I'm really tired or have a big test.Some times I have trouble getting to sleep but I've been using tamazapan from the doctors too go to sleep for ages I always have some in my bathroom in case I need them.Its not a big deal people at my school are into heaps of things at least I'm not smoking pot or taking trips or E's I'm just using something to help me with school.I don't smoke I don't drink I'm only trying to do better at school.

So, you are taking amphetamines to keep you awake and then taking benzo's to help you sleep?

This can be a very deadly concoction and is most highly addictive.

Despite what everyone thinks its not that bad I don't take these all the time and I'm not addicted to them I can stop taking them if I want to I just use them when I need to. I rarley mix the two together only when its late and I can't sleep. Man its not like I'm doing really bad drugs. Deadly, I've never had a problem with it. If what I'm doing is not good then how come my grades have improved so much I'm a better student even my teachers have made comments about it. Do you think I want it to go back to the way it was before failing no way!

Actually, you ARE doing really bad drugs. Amphetamines and benzo's are bad drugs.

Does Australia not have child labor laws? If so, it seems you are working way too many hours per week.

i work every day from 3.30 til 9 on saturday and sunday i work 11 to 3 then 5 to 10.30.
Mon = 5.5
Tue = 5.5
Wed = 5.5
Thu = 5.5
Fri = 5.5
Sat = 9.5? Or 4.0?
Sun = 9.5? Or 5.5?

Total = 46.5? Or 37.0?

You're 15 and work that many hours as a waitress to pay the rent and half the bills ("pay her rent and half of the bills")?

What does your mom do all day? Is she disabled?

My mom works full time she is co ordinator of a child care center. I don't mind working I just wish it wasn't all the time. Ive tried talking to her about it like I said she won't listen to me. This week is the first time I've had a whole week of work and its been good except for the fact that she invaded my privacy and now I have to deal with her over that. But if she won't listen to me about how I'm feeling then I don't know what to do but to keep doing what I am just hide it better.

Agreed, your speeding up your heart one minute and then slowing it down, this can lead to cardiac arrest.

just hide it better.

This is actually going to get you into MORE trouble. She will find it. I promise you that. I am the mother of a teen girl and I've already raised 2 boys. There is nothing you can hide from us, we will find it.

You have already broken her trust, what you will be doing by hiding "it better" will break your relationship with her. By hiding "it better" it shows that you are indeed addicted to these drugs. If you aren't, you would stop them altogether and find productive, rather than destructive, ways to deal with your situation.

If you can't handle the work hours, and you shouldn't have to work that many hours at your age, ask your boss to cut your hours by a few hours per week because your grades are beginning to slip.

You will never go to university if you get pregnant by this pedophile, nor will you go if you remain addicted to amphetamines and benzos.

He is not a pedophile and I am not seeing him anymore I told him I don't want to get him into trouble so were having a break.I am not addicted to the pills I haven't even used them since I have been on holidays and I don't feel like I need to either.I will ask to cut my hours down but I don't know how mum will react to that seeing as my boss is her friend.I only wanted my mom to listen to me.

Where's your dad in all of this?

When I study all I can think about os getting it done as quick as possible. I use to go to my boyfriends house on Saturday and Sunday between shifts he would help me study then and sometimes he would sneak over at night if mum was asleep. Well I'm glad you understand why she was concerned and went through my things because I don't think I gave her any reason to.

I'll be honest about the pills I've been taking dexamphetamines.Everynow and again I use them to help me at school if I'm really tired or have a big test.Some times I have trouble getting to sleep but I've been using tamazapan from the doctors too go to sleep for ages I always have some in my bathroom in case I need them.Its not a big deal people at my school are into heaps of things at least I'm not smoking pot or taking trips or E's I'm just using something to help me with school.I don't smoke I don't drink I'm only trying to do better at school.

Where did your mother think you were when you were at your boyfriend's house? Do you think that she might not have been as asleep as you thought she was when he 'snuck' out?

Have you read the side effects of the drugs you are 'ocassionally' using?
Amphetamine and Dextroamphetamine (Oral Route): Side effects - MayoClinic.com (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/drug-information/DR602653/DSECTION=side-effects)
Temazepam (Oral Route): Side effects - MayoClinic.com (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/drug-information/DR602757/DSECTION=side-effects)

Why do you have a prescription for Temazepan? Do you think that your mother doesn't keep an eye on medications that you are taking even on an as needed basis? How did you even get the 'dexamphetamines'?


This week is the first time I've had a whole week of work

What has your usual schedule been up until this week?


I haven't even used them since I have been on holidays

Are you 'on holidays' now or are you back at school?

Addictions and Habits sneak up on you. No one thinks that a pill every few weeks will ever become a pill every few days or turn into a pill every few hours. When it gets to where pills are the first thing you think of when you get tired or have a late night of studying, then you have a problem. When your mother takes the pills away and instead of accepting it, you try to think of better ways to 'hide' them (even though by your own words you say you haven't felt the need for them while on holidays), you have a problem.

If school is in session and this is your new 'normal' schedule at work, talk to your boss. IF your mother wants you to be responsible as a student and employee, then she will have to accept that part of that responsibility is communicating with your employer to work out a feasible schedule.

My dad died in a car accident two years ago.My mum thought I was in town with friends when I was at my boyfriends.Im on school holidays at the moment until next week.My shifts at work are always the same even when I'm on holidays.I was prescribed temazepam because I use to have problems sleeping after my dad passed away so I just lie and tell the doctor I can't sleep and he gives them to me when ever I ask.My mum doesn't even know what pills I have if they are from the doctors she doesn't care I have my own bathroom if she's seen them she has never said anything. Dex are easy to get so many people at school are ADD or ADHD so you can buy them easy.Lots of people do it. So you say I have a problem I don't see it that way but maybe your right I don't know,I don't want to be addicted to them I just wanted to do well.This is where I get angry because I don't want to have to work so much I don't mind working on the weekend and maybe one or two nights a week but not all the time, I want to be able to make these decisions for myself but she won't let me. If I didn't work so much then I wouldn't take them I wouldn't need to. Your all really freaking me out about the pills I didn't think it's that bad.I don't know what to do now, I just mum would talk to me so I could tell her how I'm feeling and work things out.

Maybe you could write your mum a letter? She can't say anything until she has read it all, makesure your out of the house when she finds it, then at least she can think things through until she sees you and she anger will have calmed by then, explain it all to her, tell her why you have taking the tablets, about work and school, tell her EVERYTHING and make it heartfelt and really mean what you write from the bottom of your heart, tell her you really want to well in life and you went about it the wrong way, that you sorry and your solution to cut your working hours.

My shifts at work are always the same even when im on holidays.


This week is the first time ive had a whole week of work

I think a letter to your mother would be a good idea.

I also think you need to talk to a counselor at school. You both need to learn how to communicate with each other. A neutral third party can help.

You might not like hearing what other people think about your ex-boyfriend, but he was very wrong to begin a relationship with a 15 year old. Especially one who is looking for love and acceptance in the wrong place. He is an adult and should know better. I know you don't understand at this moment and that you are feeling all the negative emotions that come with breaking up, but someday it will be clearer.

I wrote her a letter telling her everything how I feel and why I took the pills.She read it and when I came home went mental about all the pills (she didn't know about the sleeping pills she though I didn't take them anymore,and she didn't know what the other ones were) told me I was stupid and could have killed myself and how could I be so selfish she's already lost her husband and she could have lost me. We had a big argument I didn't mean to yell at her but she was yelling at me and I couldn't take it anymore calling me selfish I only wanted to make her happy. I told her I'm quitting my job so I can concentrate on my studies id find another job with less hours. She just walked out and went to work, how can she just walk away it makes me angry she always just leaves or doesn't say anything.I just want to scream, I fell so lonely I don't have my boyfriend to talk to or comfort me anymore my life sux I'm so over it. If she won't talk to me I'm not going to speak to her anymore she can go to hell maybe if I run away she will be happy she doesn't have to look after me.

Why doesn't she understand I don't want to fight with her. I broke up with my boyfriend to make her happy, I told her wrote it all down why I took the pills that working all the time was just too much that I wanted to do well at school make her proud of me but she still yells at me I hate her.I feel like I have nobody she can't even just talk to me she makes me so angry I just want to smash something

She is probably scared. Think about how you would react if you found out that your mother was doing things that could take her away from you. I don't think you would be very happy.

Both of you need to calm down and then talk. If at all possible with a neutral third party as mediator.

Do you have a school counselor you can talk to? What about your doctor?

By the way, why the discrepancy between:


Originally Posted by tazma95
My shifts at work are always the same even when I'm on holidays.

Originally Posted by tazma95
This week is the first time I've had a whole week of work

I meant when I'm on school holidays my hours at work are the same as when I'm at school.This week is the first week I've had off in ages I'm on paid leave I get four weeks holiday a year paid for. I don't want to talk to her anymore I don't see how it will make a difference were just never going to get along its usless. I don't care anyway she can yell at me all ahe likes I'm just no going to listen anymore.I know she is upset at me for taking the pills but I'm sick of being treated like this I just wish my dad was here he would understand I always got along good with dad

Honey, in all honesty, she is worried about losing you like she lost her husband. Those pills can be deadly in that combination.

Look at it this way... You lost your dad. Wouldn't you be mad as he! If you knew your mother was driving drunk every day and you were afraid you could lose her at any time and be alone in this world?

She cares for you. Sure she may have overreacted, but she's scared. She's afraid you will die too, as far as the pills go.

As far as the boyfriend, I know you told us you broke up with him, but she's afraid you will get pregnant and you won't reach your full potential.

I can tell you that if I found out my 17 year old was following the same dangerous path you are, I wouldn't be as lenient as your mother is. My daughter would be on "house arrest." I would be taking her from school and picking her up. The door to her room would be removed and while she was at school every day I would be searching her room. No phone, no TV, no cell phone, no computer.

While you may think that this is your body and you can do with it what you want, that is further from the truth. You may be mature, but you don't have the life experience to make such life changing decisions.

Believe it or not, but it's the truth, your brain is not yet fully developed at this point in your life. You are ten feet tall and bullet proof. Children your age all think "this won't happen to me." You haven't experienced enough of the real world to know that these things DO happen to kids like you.

You seem extremely intelligent and very driven to get the things you want out of life. But you fail to see the bigger picture.

Did you ever think that you are so wrapped up in your own wants and needs, that you fail to understand your mom is hurting too? She is the one with no one who listens to her, or loves her, or can protect her. You are lucky, and don't know it.

I know I'm lucky I thik about that everyday, I could have lost both my parents.I know mum is hurting and I do love her and care for her.Am I being selfish to want to talk to my mum I don't want to have a relationship like this with her I want to be able to talk to her and not be yelled at. I know I can be bad tempered and yell at her I know were not always going to get along but it upsets me that she either yells or just doesn't talk to me you have no idea how frustrating that is. Id rather be punished then just ignored.I know from reading what yous have said about my boyfriend that I made the wrong choice in dating him and sleeping with him and the pills probably weren't the best way to keep up with my studies and I'm going to change that but it would have been nice to just be able to talk to my mum about it. Im not trying to complain about her but I just feel like when I lost my dad I lost mum to, she never use to yell at me and they always had time to listen to what I had to say even if they didn't agree with it they still listened.

Do your best, to do the right things, and I feel you will both start the healing process, and talk and listen to each other. It may take time, but it will happen.

I'm coming into this thread late, but I've read all the posts, and I have one suggestion.

Tazma, how would you feel about letting your mom read this thread? She can read all of your posts, and all of the responses you've received. Maybe if she hears from strangers how we view what you've posted, it will urge her to get both of you some counseling, so that you can try to form some sort of relationship.

I've never lost a spouse (knock on wood) but I did lose both of my parents within 6 1/2 months of each other. I was very angry, very lost, and very hurt when that happened. For a long time I just wanted to die myself. I wasn't a child, I was 30 when they died, and I had a child of my own, but I needed them, still do, and their loss still affects me to this day.

I know you lost your dad, and I'm so very sorry that you had to go through that. Your mom lost her husband. She lost the man that was supposed to be by her side forever. The man that would help her pay the bills, help her raise you, be there for her when she was sad, or needed someone to talk to. It's only been 2 years. Two years isn't that long sweetie. She's still grieving, and it sounds like she doesn't know how to handle that grief. Instead of holding you in her arms and letting you know how much she loves you, and doesn't want to lose you, she yells because she's afraid that you will make a decision that will either kill you (the pills) or ruin your life forever (sex with a 21 year old man).

Most of the people that have answered your question are parents. Many of us have kids close to your age. All of us would die for our kids, because that's what parents do. We love you kids beyond reason. You are our reason for living, and we want only the best for you. When you talk about your mom what I hear is that she loves you very much. You're all she has left. She just doesn't know how to communicate that.

You both need to be able to learn to talk to each other, to communicate without hurting each other. You both need counseling before you end up destroying your relationship completely.

Urge her to come here and read your thread, maybe we can get through, and both of you can learn how to deal with each other and make the time you have together less hostile.

Is that something you're willing to do?

Do you think it will make a difference if she read this I don't want to upset her if she reads that I wrote I hate her. I don't won't to make things worse won't she get mad that I wrote stuff about her. I don't know I don't want to make things worse.HOw would you react to what I wrote? If you think it's a good idea ill ask her but I don't want to make things worse

Tazma, if you decide to show it this thread to her, be honest about being angry, hurt and frustrated when you wrote some of the posts.

I don't think anyone here believes you actually hate your mother. I think you love her a lot, but you are hurting as much as she is.

She may be hurt, but, hopefully, she will also realize how much you are hurting.

How are you feeling about your mother now that you are calming down and seeing things from a different perspective?

Im really upset with her at the moment I came home from being out and she started yelling at me acussing me of seeing my boyfriend well ex she said some pretty nasty things I can't believe she would say them things to me I'm not even going to bother to get her to read what I wrote what's the point. I just needed to get out of the house away from her its not easy being in the same house as her anymore I can't handle it.I love her but she had no right to call me them names.I tired to bite my tongue and walk away but I just couldn't I needed to defend myself, I think I just made it worse she told me I was grounded,I've never been grounded,she said that if I don't start being good she is going to send me to boarding school. I don't care she can send me away I would love that get away from her. Seriously I don't know what she wonts from me I stopped seeing my ex which wasn't that easy and I haven't touched any of the pills. If she doesn't even trust me when I go out to see friends then she can just send me away. She has really hurt my feelings saying those things I don't believe my own mother would say those things how could she. And I just wanted things to get better between us now I don't care I can't stop crying and I hate her

Hun, I am very sorry she is calling you names and yelling at you. That is really hurtful.

You also should understand that you broke her trust and trust is not easily earned and even harder to earn back.

The best thing you can do right now is not to yell back. Be extremely polite and use your manners. Listen to everything she says and follow ALL rules. Work hard around the house, do dishes, laundry, vacuum, etc.

She is very hurt and angry at your recent behavior. It's going to take a while for this to blow over.

It's a bit hard not to yell back at her when she is being so nasty, I know I messed up but she doesn't have to say them things to me. Im trying to do the best I can.I just feel so depressed at the moment I just won't to lock myself in my room and never come out.I feel really bad I said some pretty nasty things to her myself I tried to say sorry but she just told me to go away she doesn't want to see me everything is falling apart I can't believe its like this.I think she should just send me to boarding school at least then she will have time to be away from me seeing as she is so angry with me.I didn't ever think what I was doing was going to have such an impact on our relationship boy was I wrong everything is a mess.Before she went into my room everything was fine we never really talked much but at least we didn't argue and she didn't yell at me.

Right now it's just time to be quiet and do exactly as she says. When things calm down in a day or two you need to go to her and tell her you are sorry. Make her a card or a gift, leave it on her pillow before she goes to sleep.

I also am coming to this thread late. Wow, is all I can say. If this wasn't me 22 years ago I don't know who it was. I was there. I know how you are feeling. My mom always went through my room. She read my diary. Ripped me apart. To this day I won't keep a journal because of what she had done. But at the same time you are lucky. I wish I had your mom. Mine, didn't care. I was the last of six. An abortion before I was born and one after I was born. Lucky I am here right? She also buried two sons. Broke up the marriage and I was left home with her. She couldn't care less. She read my diary and loved it. She had things to gossip about. She didn't care I had drinking issues back then. Still do and she still loves to gossip about it. She thrived on all my negatives so she could run me down around town. But I turned out OK. I stand tall. I am a proud mother of a 7 year old son with two college degrees. I worked hard for what I have and am happy for that.

You be happy for her concerns. You be happy you didn't lose both parents at the same time. You be happy you have a roof over your head and you have someone keeping you fed and warm. One thing I don't understand is you being 15 and paying half the bills? Makes no sense to me.

Look at her feelings. She lost her husband. She is alone as you feel you are. She is now alone with a teenage daughter. She has never had a teenage daughter before I am assuming. You have never been a 15 year old before. Your learning the ropes together. Each day is a new day. I am sure she is aching inside for her loss as you are to. You are given this chance to open new doors and make this work. Talk to her. First of all, if you knew what you were doing was right then why didn't she know? Pills? 21 year old? She would have known if it was OK. Now is the time to open up and talk. Tell her your struggles. Tell her your sorry and you miss your father as equally as she misses her husband. Half her "quietness" could be stemming from her pain inside. Having to now raise you alone. Its hard being a parent. No matter what age you are. We worry sick. I worry sick nonstop. My son says I need to be on "The Worlds Strickest Parents" he is maybe right. I have him in a bubble.

Please let her look at this thread. So what if you said you hated her. I hear it all the time. I know its not for real. This is your chance to open the lines of communication and make things better and right.

Do you think it will make a difference if she read this i dont want to upset her if she reads that i wrote i hate her. I dont wont to make things worse wont she get mad that i wrote stuff about her. I dont know i dont want to make things worse.HOw would you react to what i wrote? If you think its a good idea ill ask her but i dont want to make things worse

How would I react? I'd be hurt, but not because of the words you said, but because I made you feel that way. I'd be upset that you're so desperate for my love and attention, my praise and pride, that you're willing to hurt your own body by taking pills just to make me proud of you.

I'd be sad that I mad you feel this way. I'd be sad that I spent so much time on my own grief that I forgot that you're grieving too. I'd be angry at myself for not realizing sooner that I'm part of the problem.

That's how I'd feel if I were your mother and I read this thread.

Then, after drying my eyes, I'd give you a hug, tell you how sorry I am, and I'd find some way for the two of us to get back our relationship, to work together, to be a family instead of just two people living in the same house, feeling the same sorrow.

You're a kid. I know you don't want to believe that, but you really are still a kid. There's too much on your plate, too much for you to handle alone, and your mom should be helping you. Being a teen is hard.

If the two of you could learn to talk to each other, if you could rebuild the trust she once had in you, I think you two would have an awesome relationship. You just have to find some way to bridge the gap.

Your thread really got to me. I don't usually take the time to read many of the teen threads on this site. Too many of them are "I want, I deserve, I'm so mature", when it's very obvious that they aren't. In most of those threads the teens are the problem. You made a lot of mistakes, but when the wise people of this site told you the dangers you listened. Not right away, but eventually you listened and realized the danger of the things you were doing, and you stopped. I'm proud of you, and I think that if your mom read this thread from beginning to end, and saw the progress you've already made, and the pain that you're feeling, she would understand that you're a good kid, you just need some guidance, not yelling, not screaming, but rules, and a lot of love.

If it were me, I'd ask my mom to read this thread. It may make her upset at first, but I really think that once she reads not only your posts but ours, that maybe a light bulb will go off in her head, and she'll realize that some of the this is on her, and that it's not too late to fix things between the two of you.

I hope you continue to post. I can't be your mother, but I can tell you that I care about what happens to you. You got lucky, you stumbled onto a site that I would let my own kids post on. The people here are the best people I've never met, and I'd trust every one of them with my kids. We may not be able to fix your problems, but we can listen, we can give you advice, and we can lend a shoulder for you to lean on if you need it.

A boat load of greenies to Alty.

I am still wondering why at 15 your paying half the bills. Could you explain that? Your just a baby. (in a sense to us old hags here)

You could help your case a lot by being considerate. Let your mom know where your off to when you "just need some air" either by telling her or leaving a note . Then she won't have to worry and think the worst, when you disappear.

I would have you doing that any way. There are probably many small things you could do to tone down on her yelling at you if you thought about it before you acted. Its not that hard. Just think of how others, especially your mom, perceive what you want to do. Parents are not mind readers. And we do fear the worse.

I probably exaggerated a bit when I said I pay half the bills its not half mum just thinks that I should contribute the to the house so I can learn to manage money and how to pay bills.I give her 200 a fortnight I work a lot and earn good money so I don't mind. I know I have to be considerate tell her where I'm going well I suppose I should ask her really if I can go. Im just not use to it she never really cared before well she did care she just trusted me before. That's something I have to work on doing. I feel really bad after having a fight with her and have been trying really hard to do all the right things and I've kind of just been staying out of her way.Im not sure about getting her to read this yet I don't want her to get angry with me

A simple apology for being a brat, maybe?? That usually worked for me when I had to correct bad behavior from my own kids... they still were grounded though, and had to serve it out.

Why not a big hug? Why not just open the discussion and work things out.

Your both going to be fine. Your growing and it's a tough age in general. No matter what. She is still grieving I am sure also. Together you will have bad times and good times. But together you will grow. One day you may resent her. The next you may find she is your best friend. She may also share those feelings. Nothing in life is easy. But in the end when you're an adult you will see the big picture and thank her for her troubles. She will probably even tell you that you are a good kid.

I wish it was that easy to give her a big hug believe me there have been heaps of times when I've really wanted to. Its not that easy to talk to her when she's so mad. I know where not always going to have good times but and were going to argue but it would be nice to have some good times. I know mum is still sad about dad but I don't know what to say to her I don't like saying anything about him it makes her sad and it makes me get upset to.I know I deserved to get grounded for saying those things to her I haven't complained about it and I have been doing what yous said doing things around my jobs around the house plus extra. I've been giving her heaps of space keeping right out of her way. Hopfully she will stop being angry with me

Here is another thought of mine. It seems we have two issues here. How your mother reacted to something she found in your room. Also it came out that your father has passed away. Honestly I don't think her anger is directed at you fully. I think its just coming across that way. I am sure for a fact she is angry with your choices. Parents are like that. You have to understand she is now dealing with this alone. What would have been minor anger before you father passed away is now going to be full blown anger. She lost her partner. No one to talk this over with and no one to turn to when she is afraid. I truly think if you can get her to open up the communication on these feelings it will be good for you both. You can explain your stress with work and school also. You only have each other now. You have to talk. If you keep letting her be angry and silent where will that get you? Just a bigger wedge between you both. She needs you just as much as you need her right now. If you can break that barrier I think you might be surprised how much the conversation will flow.

I talked to my mum about working so much and not being able to get my homework done in the little time I have left she said she didn't know I had so much to do so she said if I don't quit my job she will talk to my boss her friend about cutting my hours down on the condition that I go see a councilor about taking the pills, why I was sleeping with a 21 year old and my additude. Im happy spending less time working but I don't want to go talk to someone, I don't really see what the point in that is. I don't think I have a bad attitude. But I don't want to upset her so I will go at least once anyway

i talked to my mum about working so much and not being able to get my homework done in the little time i have left she said she didnt know i had so much to do so she said if i dont quit my job she will talk to my boss her friend about cutting my hours down on the condition that i go see a councilor about taking the pills, why i was sleeping with a 21 year old and my additude. Im happy spending less time working but i dont want to go talk to someone, i dont really see what the point in that is. I dont think i have a bad attitude. But i dont want to upset her so i will go at least once anyway

Attitude is a matter of perspective. And right now your mother feels you not only have lost respect for her but also and more importantly for yourself. Talking to someone may give you the opportunity to explore yourself and your goals and to teach you how to better manage and balance your life. Just look at is as another class and also in making your mom happy by mending some of the bridges before they get burned. Your heading on the right track and I pray you have the strength to see yourself and your future. Your on your way to a new life and this is a first and very huge step to a winning attitude. Good Luck.

Great news on cutting down your work hours. Your to young to have that kind of work load anyway.

As far as the counselor, go. I went to a marriage counselor a couple years back. I also thought it was foolish. But you know what it was great. They are an outsider, like we are, looking in on your life. Hearing your story. They see things your missing. They can have your mother in the room also and together you can get things on the table. Counselors hear the story in a way your not telling it. You honestly can't fool them as easy as you think. I encourage it. You may even find your taking the pills for other reasons and using school and work as the excuse. I don't know I am just saying. Do the sessions. It will be good.

Having someone to talk to, and LISTEN to you will help immensely, and move you to see things in a different way, and set your mom at ease that you are listening to her, and trying your best. That will bring you together, as things are already turning your way for the better, as she did listen about the work hours.

Do your part now, and don't stand in the way of progress. This is the path to getting what you want most, your mom to talk and listen to you, she wants to in the worst way, but she has to trust you first, and now you have the opportunity to restore that trust by co operating. You will learn much, and gain even more.

I am so glad you talked to your mother. I am even happier that she listened. :)

I know you don't see the point in counseling right now, but give it a couple of sessions. It isn't as much about the attitude, pills, and sex as it is a safe place to explore the feelings behind all of that including the anger and grief.

Good luck and remember that we are still here, too. :)

Wow, you all need to just stop harping on Taz. She may be 15 but it appears to me that she has a job and also carries a school work load. Taz, I was in your situation once and yes, she can charge your boyfriend with rape even if you did consent. Do you have a close adult friend (other than your boyfriend) you could talk with? Sometimes that helps. It's hard being a teen and I'm glad to hear that you are responsible enough to be taking the pill. However, you do live in your mothers home and are paying bills to help out. But even though you are mother/daughter you are also room mates who need to set down some ground rules. Mum's can be scary to talk too. Your mum is only watching out for your best interest. She is still responsible for you until you become of legal age. As how to get her to talk to you, well, that one's hard. It sounds to me like you have tried to talk with your calmly. Here is when I would see if talking to a close family friend would help. Sometimes mum's need another adult to help them understand what their child needs from them, and how to listen! Good luck :)

wow, you all need to just stop harping on Taz.

GrandmaJ, did you actually read the thread? No one is "harping" on Taz. In fact, we've been and continue to be very supportive of her.

wow, you all need to just stop harping on Taz. She may be 15 but it appears to me that she has a job and also carries a school work load. Taxi was in your situation once and yes, she can charge your boyfriend with rape even if you did consent. Do you have a close adult friend (other than your boyfriend) you could talk with? Sometimes that helps. It's hard being a teen and I'm glad to hear that you are responsible enough to be taking the pill. However, you do live in your mothers home and are paying bills to help out. But even though you are mother/daughter you are also room mates who need to set down some ground rules. Mum's can be scary to talk too. Your mum is only watching out for your best interest. She is still responsible for you until you become of legal age. As how to get her to talk to you, well, that one's hard. It sounds to me like you have tried to talk with your calmly. Here is when I would see if talking to a close family friend would help. Sometimes mum's need another adult to help them understand what their child needs from them, and how to listen! Good luck :)
You need to read the whole thread.
She has been sympathized with and helped tremendously, and by the end if this, if you get that far, you will see that things are working out quite well.

Wow you, your mom and this thread has come a long way.
Do your counseling. You'll be surprised by how much this will help you.
We all wish you well.

Everyone has been really nice to me and gave me great advice, I think things would have been worse if I didn't find thid site thank you everyone.

I'm a counselor and want to give you the same hint I give every one of my clients.

Here's what I say: "The counseling sessions are for YOU, not for me. YOU are in control. Everything is for YOU. That means if you are confused at what's going on, if you don 't agree with me, if you want to say something while I'm talking, or if you want a timeout, hold up your hand like it's got a stop sign pasted on your palm. That will be my signal to stop and look at you and wait for you to speak."

Taz, make a deal in the beginning with your counselor that you cooperate with him/her like I do with my clients. This will keep both of you involved in the counseling work, and the two of you will feel like partners. It will guarantee that you won't leave a session feeling like you've been misunderstood or not listened to or ignored.

Does that make sense?

Everyone has been really nice to me and gave me great advice, I think things would have been worse if I didn't find thid site thank you everyone.

It's a pleasure helping someone like you. If you hadn't been receptive to what we said, if you hadn't listened, accepted, and done the work we asked you to do, we wouldn't be here.

It's a two way street. We can't help someone that's not willing to get the help. You were open to accept that help, and I for one am very proud of you and all that you've already accomplished since you started this thread.

You're a good person, which is why we're all sticking around, and why we're all here to see you through this. :)

I'm a bit worried about going to see a counselor I have no idea what to exspect when I get there. Or what I'm suppose to say. I want to make my mum happy by doing this and you all think it's a good idea but I'm not sure. Its easy to sit on the computer and type what's going on but talking about it with someone is different. I have an appointment on Monday and I'm not sure if I really want to go. I wanted to talk to mum about it but I don't want her to think I'm just making excuses not to go and get mad. I don't know what to do I get really nervouse and shy around people I don't know.

What exactly happens when you see a counselor? I find it hard just to talk to someone I don't know.

Don't worry, it will be all right. The counsellor will ask you some questions and you just have to be honest. He most surely know his job (if that's a he) and knows what to ask you in the best possible way to make you at ease. Of course you'll be nervous and shy at first, but with time you'll see that you'll get more at ease and you'll feel relieved.

As you say, typing what's going on is something, and talking about it is something else. When you'll be talking to the counsellor, you'll feel even better. Also now, you will be slowly regaining the trust of your mum.

Don't worry, it will definitely help you much more than you can think of :) You have already gone quite some way in the process of rebuilding a good relationship with your mum, just go on moving forwards and things will turn out right!

Good luck and don't give up! :)

It may be awkward at first but, as you get familiar with your counselor, you will get quite comfortable.

Just be very, very honest, as this is between the two of you.

I too have been very impressed with your open mind, and think you are a good person, just a bit hurt right now, but your healing started when you reached out for help. That was a great, responsible, adult choice you made to be honest, and not an easy one.

Despite your past mistakes, you have great potential, and I am very proud of you. We all are. We will still be here with you through this whole thing give you as much support as we can.

I have to say in my opinion I think a counselor is better then we are here. Only for the reason being its face to face. He/she can read your body language and expressions while we can't. We only see these words and can interpret them in any way our mood sees fit that day. That can't happen in a session. Personally I liked it. Just answer openly and honestly. Its amazing all the doors it can open once you start talking.

As a counselor, I always started the first session by just chatting with my new client about school, pets, favorite foods, the best vacation ever taken, etc. -- like two strangers on the bus or at a sporting event. The sessions usually last 50 minutes, so as I noticed the client getting comfortable and smiling and having a relaxed face, I would ask, "How can I help you today?" or some such question.

Almost always somewhere along the way during one of the sessions, I would hear, even from the men, "I feel like I've found a new friend." Of course, I didn't want to be just a "new friend." I wanted to be the best friend they had ever had -- one who could not only listen and empathize, but one who could help them make goals and solve the problems that were vexing them. I didn't want to push MY solutions on them, but help them examine all their choices and decide on the best solutions for themselves.

Being a counselor is like helping a client put together a 500 or 750 or even a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle. Sometimes the pieces don't fit together correctly, so we have to rethink which piece goes there and try a different one... or another one. In the end, both of us want to end up with a beautiful picture.

im a bit worried about going to see a counselor i have no idea what to exspect when i get there. Or what im suppose to say. I want to make my mum happy by doing this and you all think its a good idea but im not sure. its easy to sit on the computer and type whats going on but talking about it with someone is different. I have an appointment on monday and im not sure if i really want to go. I wanted to talk to mum about it but i dont want her to think im just making excuses not to go and get mad. i dont know what to do i get really nervouse and shy around people i dont know.

what exactly happens when you see a counselor? I find it hard just to talk to someone i dont know.

I used to feel exactly the same way you do.

When I first came to this site, I asked a few harmless questions, made a few friends, and then, one day, I decided to tell everyone on this site about my past.

I started a thread about it, let all my feelings, all the crap I'd gone through, pour out. It wasn't easy, because I had made many friends here, I didn't feel as anonymous as I did when I first joined the site, but I was still anonymous. All the wonderful people on this site pooled together to support me, like we're doing for you.

The main response from most of them was for me to get counseling. I hated the idea. Like you, it was easy for me to talk about it all here, anonymously. I didn't think I could talk to a counselor face to face.

I put it off for a long time. I thought just coming here to talk about it would be enough. Don't get me wrong, coming here helped tremendously. The people on this site are the best people I've never met. I adore every one of them.

After a few months, I realized they were right, so I gave counseling a chance.

I still have past issues. That will never go away. But, because of counseling, I've been able to deal with things I've put off dealing with for 35 years. Counseling has helped me a great deal.

The first few sessions were the hardest, and I'm telling you right now, it can take some time to find the right counselor. I went through 3 before I found the one that was right for me. Once I found her it was smooth sailing. It took some time for me to open up, but once I did, once I realized she would never judge, she was only there to listen, and to guide me, then it became easier.

The best advice I can give you is to be yourself. Be honest. As your counselor, everything you say to her is confidential. She cannot ever tell a soul about the things you discuss. If you let it all out, if you're honest not only with yourself, but her, then you'll get a lot from the sessions.

I can say without a doubt that I'm a much better person emotionally, and a much better mother, because of the counseling I've gone through.

I still see her on occasion. It's not a regular thing anymore, because she's helped me so much that I don't need to see her all the time.

Give it a chance. Be open to it. I really do think this could help you a great deal.

Taz,

I am in very late here and really can't add to the excellent advice you been given by this great group of people you have been involved with here at this site.
You hit the jackpot here which I think by now and by your response you too realize what a bunch of wonderful caring people they are.

What I really want to say is how impressed I am with you.
At 15 to be holding down a job and staying in school is terrific.

But when you had a problem, you didn't just rebel and run off to throw your life away like so many do.
You sought help.

And when you started getting input you didn't like , you still listened and kept bringing up points of your own to counter.

Then you absolutely amazed me and acted on the advice you were given.
You have shown maturity way beyond your years and I am sure you will see the rewards now, but even more so in the future.

With your intellect , attitude, and ambition I think your future is going to be extremely bright.
Thank God you can listen and have the courage to act.
Thank God for people like you that care enough to work on finding solutions that will be good for all involved.

The only thing I will add is that I refused counselling when it came to a point in my life that was traumatic.
I was against it 100%. But I finally relented and found it to be extremely rewarding.
I now think everybody should go.
It can be one of the best things that has happened for you.
Give it a chance.

To all that have posted here :

It is threads like this that me proud to be involved with you all.
You have all gone above and beyond and I think made a real difference in a life that is worth all the time and effort it has taken , and may still take.

God bless the entire lot of you.

Thanks for the coments it makes me feel a little better about going I suppose I can only give it a go. My ex has been ringing me for the last three days I've been ignoring his calls but I feel really bad I sent him a text to see what he wanted. He said he really needs to talk to me but not on the phone. I don't know what to do should I ask my mum if I can see him or just go see him I just feel really bad he was always there for me but I don't want mum to get all angry and start calling me names. Im confused I don't know if I really trust myself to go and see him with out anything happerning I do love him still and if he needs me then I want to be there but I don't know if it will just make things worse.

It will make things much, much worse. Text him and tell him straight up, ain't nothing happening, and your mom wants it to stay that way, "Sorry, end of story"

Another one of those do the right thing moments. Your moms trust is at stake, don't forget that, and don't let anything stop the hard work you are trying to accomplish.

i dont know if i really trust myself to go and see him with out anything happerning i do love him still and if he needs me then i want to be there but i dont know if it will just make things worse.
Please don't go. You'll undo all the good things that you've accomplished.

Taz,
If he really cared for you he would understand and back off.
He was there for him, not you.
He wants to see you because he knows he can manipulate you
Better face to face. His interest is with him , not you.
If he really loves you he will wait , understand your
Situation, and try to help by backing off and letting you
Get your life together. He is the last thing you need right now.

Believe me, if he really loves you he will put your interest first
And do whatever is necessary to help you.
If he insists on anything else it shows his interest is with himself.
Love is putting your own interests secondary, especially in this case.
Be strong and resist letting him manipulate you.


It is good news you decided to try the counselling , worst come to worst it can't hurt.
I think the new perspective it offers will help you a lot.

I sent him a text told him that I can't see him that it will just make things worse. He said that he really wanted to see me and was quiet angry about it when I said I couldn't see him he told me he was there for me and if I loved him I would be there for him. I feel really bad but I don't want to wreak everything between mum and me its so hard. I feel so confused at the moment I know what it feels like to be hurt and I don't want to do that to someone else.

i sent him a txt told him that i can't see him that it will just make things worse. He said that he really wanted to see me and was quiet angry about it when i said i couldnt see him he told me he was there for me and if i loved him i would be there for him. I feel really bad but i dont want to wreak everything between mum and me its so hard. I feel so confused at the moment i know what it feels like to be hurt and i dont want to do that to someone else.

Being there for each other is not a your turn, my turn thing.

Being there is offering support to help in any way you can
In this case he would be there for you by understanding your situation
And backing off.

He is trying to manipulate you to do what HE wants
Not what is the best for YOU.

It's a two way street .
Why should his need to see you be more important than you
Wanting to make your life easier and do some constructive things
You need to do?

If he really loved you.
Your needs would come first. And he would be supporting
The things you want to do instead of hindering and causing
More problems. This is selfish and childish.
He is not worth it.

Tazma, he should have realized the need to back off and leave you alone when your mother wanted to have him arrested. You are being here for him by NOT giving her a reason to have him brought up on charges. Showing anger and trying to emotionally blackmail you into giving in are not the actions of a mature individual.

In my opinion, you should show this correspondence to your mother so that she knows what is going on and can take measures to protect the both of you. Be honest with her that you tried to tell him to leave you alone, but he won't. Let her know that you need her help in getting through all of this and knowing what steps to take. Counseling will do a lot to help, but you also need the emotional support of your mother.

I want you to remember that you aren't alone. You have your mother and a thread full of people who are here to help you.

Remember what I said about being ahead of your peers. This is the start of it. Love is not something you prove to one another. Love is the first brick in the foundation to a lasting relationship. The real biggie is commitment. It's the invisible line. Love can wane at times and its commitment that carries your through. By him saying to prove you love him only shows how childish he really is for a grown man. If he were committed to you then he would want what's best for you no matter what. Sometimes that even involves hurt feelings. Your mother is committed to you and that's why the hurt is happening. She wants you to grow but more importantly she wants you to see that growth. Your at the turning point in life where your stripping the cacoon you have been in all these years and are now getting set to turn into that beautiful butterfly. Fly high and seek the wind. Release yourself from this fool. It hurts now but I promise you love and life are not over. You have much ahead of you on lifes journey. Make your choices count.

This guy is thinking about himself. He is probably wanting to make sure your mom is not going to pursue having him arrested, wants to make sure you say he did not force you in to anything.

I agree with Cat1864, you need to show this text to your mother. She needs to know this is going on, that he is trying to pressure you.

I showed my mum the text she went mental she rang him up and told him to leave me alone or she would go to the police. She got really angry at me for text him she said I should have just ignored his calls I was going to try and explain to her why I text him but she was just so mad so I just said nothing she took my phone off me which sux but I'm not going to say anything it will make it easier for me if I don't know his been ringing anyway.

When she calms down and she will, let her know you love her.

Losing the phone probably is for the best. When you get it back, you might even ask your mother if you can get the number changed to ensure that he can't contact you. It is one of the best ways to enforce No Contact and keep the confusion that happens with a break-up to a minimum.

Good luck.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Cat1864 again.



As a mom, I would have done the same thing. I would have really gone off on him. It is probably best you don't have the phone right now.

She is angry and that is understandable, she is also probably angry with herself, feeling she should have been paying better attention. While this situation is trying, it has knocked things out of stalemate, let you know you can't stay in your grieving cocoon, there is still a daughter who needs her mother and a mother who needs communication with her daughter.
You two are going to be fine.

Again every comment to your new event that has happened is right on the money. I would love to add one more thing. Just keep this in your mind. Boyfriends will come and go, your mother is forever. You choose.

What a complete waste of time that was going to a counselor it just made me feel worse. I told my mum I didn't want to go again boy was that the wrong thing to say to her she's not happy she told me I have no choice if I want to live under her roof I have to go. I hate it I don't want to talk. I love my mum and want to have a good relationship with her but I don't want to go back there again. This is so unfair its not like she understands she's not the one who has to sit there talk. Im so mad I just want her to let me do what I want I really though breaking up with my boyfriend and trying to be really good would make things better but it seems like I'm the only one who's trying she doesn't even try to talk to me she still exactly the same ignors me most the time like I'm not there she only speaks to me when I talk to her or she wants to yell at me. I'm so over this

What a complete waste of time that was going to a counselor it just made me feel worse.
What didn't you like about it?

There are times when you do feel worse, and that means the process is working. It's not like a birthday party or Christmas Eve. If you felt worse fairly quickly, that means good and productive things were happening already. You felt bad here at first, didn't you, and then remember what happened! Please go back to counseling with an open heart.

It probably should have been mentioned that the first few visits to a counselor are uncomfortable and awkward .

You need to get to know each other a bit , so they pound you to talk a lot right at first.

The results are good but getting there can be trying and emotionally draining when you are already in that state when you start.

But the benefit will outweigh the hardship.

It would be helpful if your mum took more notice of how well you are doing , eventually she will.
But you will be the one who really benefits.

I have seen so many go on that downward spiral you were on , and when they hit bottom there were very very few that escaped from the depths it takes you.

Stay strong and focused on the progress you are making.

What you are doing is inspiring ,

I agree, keep going with our mother, you will learn so much about each other, both your deep feelings and eventually you will have a new found respect for each other. Have you ever had someone from school bully you or someone just being mean to you for no apparent reason, and then find out this person has a deep secret like problems at home or what not? You start to understand why they were mean to you don't you? And then you don't feel so bad because you know it wasn't so personal. Well your mother has obviously got some underlining emotional problems, most likely from losing your father, and I'm sure you do too. When you do find these feelings out about each other I can guarantee your relationship will improve because you will discover that most of your hurt is very similar, it's a slow process but extremely worth while..

Hang in there, every thing will not always go as you wish, or have the outcomes you want. Don't quit on yourself, because you can do this. It does get better, but you have to finish what you started. What you thought it would be an instant success? No such thing. You have some hard work ahead, and its for you. This issue cannot be resolved through one visit, so stick to it, and see it through.

Counseling sucks, at first. How dare they dig in to your life and want you to talk and sit there and feel embarrassed and ashamed. All the nerve of them!

I have spent hours in counseling visits. If you hated it then the counselor your seeing isn't right for you. Find another one. Once you get over the first couple times its rewarding it really is. I have sat there, I have shed tears and I have told my deepest thoughts. When it's the right one you will leave and feel better. You will leave thinking about things. You will see why and how you could react to things. Please listen to us and go back. If this one isn't right there are more out there.

Also don't hold this against your mother. This was your first visit. Don't be bitter towards her. If your in the office alone talking I am sure the topic of your mom will come up, as will your father. Let it all out. You might be surprised to hear the counselor wants to meet with your mom also 1 on 1. Don't give up and don't point fingers. It takes many factors to build a problem and many solutions to end it. You have had a lot of stress and turmoil in your life to cause this situation. Now your taking steps to find the solutions.

Keep your head high and focus on a goal. You are so smart. We all see it. You have so much to offer already. Give it another chance. Or even a few more times.

Those first visits are hard. You are forced to think and talk about things, face things you'd rather not do. Keep it up you will be glad you did.
There are so many people who would benefit from counseling and they are unable or their parents don't care enough to see that they do.
I know you are hurting but you are fortunate. Your mother cares and she is hurting too. Continue this for the both of you.

Agreed, you need to have a kind of connection with a counsellor, I have had many and have eventually found some really amazing ones that I could share anything with

Wow :/ this is ermm... rather bad :/ I'm 16 too and have had interourse maaan you should have have just told your mum instead of her finding out the horrible hard way x

wow :/ this is ermm... rather bad :/ im 16 too and have had interourse maaan you shoulda have just told your mum instead of her finding out the horrible hard way x

Its more then just that. Read the entire thread. A variety of things have evolved to get this thread where it is.

Im sorry I shouldn't of complained it wasn't that bad I was just feeling very frustrated about being asked so many personal questions. I will keep going back and I know I should have went of about my mum that wasn't fair like I said I was just frustrated and needed to vent. Thank you for the great advice and support you all have given me and I'm sorry if at times I have acted like a spoilt brat. This hasn't been easy for me but I know things will get better I just have to try harder.

Vent. We will listen and we will bring you back down to Earth. :)

Hold on to the thought that hopefully someday soon you will feel like you can rant to your counselor and get immediate feedback instead of waiting for us.

Hey keep us all posted, we're all here to help and to listen to the good outcome this will have. You're a good girl, you just swerved a little in the wrong direction :)

My mum annoys me sometimes she was suppose to pick me up from work last night, I usually get a lift with my friend but I'm not allowed to anymore mum wants to pick me up, she didn't come I stood there for a hour waiting I tried ringing her and she didn't answer. I ended up walking home talk about scary I hate walking in the dark. I shouldn't complain though when I got home she was asleep she must have been tired. My second day at school and I have so much homework to do I forgot how much you get. I can't wait until my hours get cut have to wait until they find someone and then I have to train them. Hope it happens soon I'm so tired and my homework keeps on getting more and more talk about stress I wish I was still on school holidays

I am so sorry to hear this.

Did your mom say anything about not picking you up? Was it an honest mistake? Things like that happen. It could have been an honest mistake.

In your counseling they will ask a pile of questions. This is how they get to know you. Your expressions, your actions. How your answering and your answers is everything they use to help you. I mean really if they don't ask you questions how are they supposed to know? How can they dig and find the root of the problem? Be patient. Be strong and go forward. I suggest your mother also be part of this.

I want to also say you are not a spoiled brat and never once came across that way. Your 15. Honey, for lack of better works growing up sucks. Every day is a new day. Every day your learning how to be an adult. You have peer pressure in school and life is pressure enough. Personally I don't know if this is right or wrong to say to you but I hated it. I hated school, I hated being a teenager and I hated growing up. I hated the pressures of being pretty or cool. If you were in sports you were a loser. Trust me. We have all been there. I still stood strong at those ages. I am who I am. I dressed how I felt pretty and still do today. I did what made me feel good. You can't always answer to what others "expect" your living life for YOU not them.

Point being your entering a tough age to have issues with work and your mother. All around its going to be stressful at times. But in the end how you live it and the choices you make is what will form your adulthood. You seem so strong. You love your mother. You want to do well and prove yourself. You can do it. You tell that counselor everything from the bottom of your heart. I don't care if it was something from 10 years ago. You get it all out there. Then you move forward on what to do to feel better about it and fix it.

I had a fight at school today well I wouldn't say it was a fight more like I got attacked my exs sister punched me and pushed me down the stairs she reackons I was a well you know for breaking up with him and that I'm seeing someone else. I told her I wasn't but she didn't care we both got taken to the principal and we got suspended for 3 days my mum went off her head at me I told her it wasn't my fault but she doesn't want to listen.I totally hate my mum at the moment she wouldn't even let me explain what happened. She rang up my uncle she said he's coming over to have words with me I told her I don't care let him have words with me and then she slapped me said I was being cheeky. Well she can go to hell hitting me she had no right to do that I know I shouldn't of talked back to her but she still had no right, I'm so friging mad with her I ran into my room and locked the door I hate being in this house with her. Im the one with a broken arm and she still always thinks the worst of me , thinking that I started the fight its so frustrating I just want to scream at her tell her to listen to me and believe me

I am so sorry you are going through all of this.
When is your next counseling session?

Broken arm?
Did I miss something?

Tazma, what happened?

When your mother calms down, you should tell her exactly what happened. She should know that your ex boyfriend is still pushing his way into your life

I broke my arm when I got pushed down the stairs.It totally sux I have a plaster on my arm I can't work and I've been grounded even though it wasn't my fault. I hate my ex and his sister I just want to ring him up and yell at him but I don't have my mobile mums still got it. I tired to tell mum it wasn't my fault but she won't listen she just thinks it was my fault for starting the fight, I didn't even hit the girl I just stood there. Its so unfair my ex thinks I'm seeing someone else just because I walked home with my next door neighbour (hes a boy). Not that its any of his business but guys are the last thing on my mine. I wish he and his sister would just leave me alone. Im dreadind this afternoon my uncle is coming over to talk to me I'm a bit worried about what he's going to say he's always so grumpy telling me that I need to straighten up my act. Im just going to have to sit there and bite my tongue so I don't get into anymore trouble. Talk about stress I wish my mum had of just sent me to boarding school would have been great to get away from all these people.

His sister pushed you down the stairs at school? Are the police involved? If not, they should be involved, this is very serious, you could have broke more than your arm, you were lucky. I don't believe people can just go pushing others down stairs and it not be taken serious, its almost like attempted murder!

No the police aren't involved but when we go back to school were suppose to have a meeting with our year co ordinator and the school based police officer to discuss what happened.It wasn't lots of stairs it was just three her and her friends said I fell down them I didn't get to say anything I was in the nurses office until mum picked me up and took me to the hospital.She better watch out the next time I see her I'm going to yell at her she is so stupid her and her brother I can't believe it. My uncle came around this afternoon and gave me a big lecture about my behaviour and causing trouble for my mum he recons that if I don't behave that I'm going to stay with him and give my mum a break.There is no way in the world I will go and stay with him I hate going to his house. I don't know what they want or exspect from me anymore I'm trying to do the best I can I don't know what more I can do. No one seems to believe that I didn't do anything I suppose it doesn't help when she had her friends there and I was by myself so everyone believes what they said even my own mum doesn't believe me I'm so angry at the moment I feel like going to his house and yell at him but mums home and I'm grounded so ill have to wait and to think I loved this guy.

but she didnt care we both got taken to the principal and we got suspended for 3 days


It wasnt lots of stairs it was just three her and her friends said i fell down them i didnt get to say anything i was in the nurses office until mum picked me up and took me to the hospital..

Tazma, when did you go to the nurse's office? When were you in the principal's office?

When is your next counseling session?

I got taken to the principals office first by the teacher on yard duty. When I got to the principals office he sent me to the nurses office because my arm was sore I couldn't move it and my nose was bleeding so I didn't get to say anything I didn't even know that I was suspended until mum told me. I go to counseling on Friday.

Do you live in the UK? Because if you do, it's illegal to have sex if you are under 16, but then again, to have sex, you need to be emotionally ready and responsible. You clearly haven' considered the effects it may have on you and on your family. As for your Mum, she has the right to look at your stuff, in case she thinks you might be hiding some items which would be deemed inappropriate or dangerous, I'm not saying you do keep dangerous items, but if you get my point. Also, if you were really responsible, you'd discuss the topic with your partner and Mum a rational manner, to reassure her that you know what you are doing, which you clearly haven't done. The reason why she checks on you and your room, is to make sure that you are not up to no good, and for yours and her sake, she only wants you to be safe and happy, because she loves you.