I'm a 23 year old guy and almost 3 years ago I watched my father die after a long and painful illness. At the time of his death of course I was uoset but I was more concerned with being 'strong' and 'manly' and I was more worried about how I was going to tell other people and be strong for my family. In the years following my dads death I have found myself becoming more and more miserable and negative in my outlook. I have been with my girlfriend for 4 years and she was so good during the bad times but I am taking my misery out on her now, so much so that I was willing to throw everything with her away to move to my dads birthplace! We own a house together but I know she doesn't like to come home as I'm always miserable and angry. I don't really have any friends to talk to but when I speak to people from my past I try and hide it so that I don't look stupid. I have found myself drinking alone at home and possibly going into work the next day under the influence. I also cry alone at the slightest thing (tv, books, films) but refuse to show emotion in front of others and I don't know why... I was never like this before! My dad would hate the person I've become as he as always so positive and happy even through his illness in a way this makes me feel worse knowing id be a dissappointment. I need help before I lose my family and my girlfriend!

Yes, you do have to get yourself sorted out before you ruin your life and lose your g/f. I would strongly suggest you see a grief counsellor even at this late date. Needing this type of professional can come years down the road for some people when they realize they never handled the grieving process and moved on.



Tick

You even recognize what is happening, that is good! You have to grieve or you can't get past it, plain and simple.

Your father sounds sweet and loving. I doubt very much that he would hate you for any reason, especially this, and you are not a disappointment, you held on for him while he was dying. Let go NOW or it gets harder.

There are plenty of self help bereavement groups in most areas, even small towns, or groups run by a licensed facilitator for insurance coverage. Just hearing what others are going through will be an enormous relief and it will help you sort out your more complicated feelings.

I have a happy sweet father, and I too think about being less than perfect around him, such as when I get angry at someone, which he NEVER does. I can see how it makes death tougher, when you wish you could have been the best person you could be before he died. And how unfair it must feel to you that yours died so young. Try not to take that out on yourself, your girlfriend, or the world, but don't beat yourself up over the last 3 years either. 'Use your anger constructively,' as they say. Fight injustice or help people who have what he had. He would like that.

How are you doing man? Just read post, wanted to see how you were getting along. I've went through some of what you have too.