So, here is the thing. I have been offered to work in a different country because I was offered a job to work with the family in order to save money and pay my expenses that I have here. I will be provided with things and practically live free. Been hard finding a job here and haven't seriously searched because I had already accepted the offer. Overall, I know it's a good opportunity, but I also had my own goals and plans I wanted to start on and accomplish. It has been a last minute thing and time is going by so quickly. I also have my boyfriend and we love each other truly. This decision has made it difficult for the both of us, but he knows my reasons and we had set some goals since he has 1.5 years left before graduation and visiting after each term.
Recently, last night I had an argument with my mom. My mom and I have been planning to leave together. I had already mentioned about visiting and she said she would take my place anytime I would have to leave to go somewhere. So, last night I had mentioning coming back in Spring break to visit my boyfriend for a week. If week wasn't possible because of the job, then I would take the weekend. Then, it all went down from there. I tried to calm her down because she constantly goes in different directions to the point she gets heated up. I'm really tired of drama because it hurts me especially when I'm attacked. She is a very difficult person to communicate with and has shut me down to the point I haven't tried talking to her in relation to anything about myself for the past 4 years.
In summary, she is mad at me and blames me for many things. She plans to leave tomorrow without me. I love my mom, but lately I haven't felt happy. I can't say what I think or feel without her taking it differently. She has mentioned to me many times, that whether I accept the offer or not, with or without me she will leave. I have been with her through thick and thin... anything bad she forgets all the good about me. Emotionally, I have been hurting for quite sometime.
I'm so confused and nervous. I'm stuck between going to this country with this opportunity offered... or doing what my heart feels to do and that is stay and try to make it work somehow. My boyfriend would back me up and he has told me that since all of this happened and feels more drama would occur... for me not to go and he would help me. I feel so at peace with him. I'm tired of all of this. What do I do? I have already accepted the offer, but I still have time to change my mind. I feel really lost. I'm scared of going to this country and having it be difficult to come back or to realize what makes me really happy. I'm also nervous of staying and thinking what if I made the wrong decision. My mother and I are not in good terms and I've always felt so much pressure being the only child since many have said and are waiting for me to fail somehow and say they were right. For some time I have been feeling to start creating and having a life. Away from drama and emotionally it has damaged me. I love my mom, but sometimes I feel that I cannot handle this no more. She gets so accelerated and never listens... she even broke plates today. What to do? Which decision should I go with?