Today is officially a year since I last kissed the guy I liked, not reasling at the time it was more of a goodbye kiss and I would be sat here a year on, regretting on everything we ever went through or even how I feel.

He was perfect and treated me so perfect, his blue eys, messy brown hair, and his amazing smile. However three or four months into knowing each other we became close, really close, however he refused to spend time away from college because of money problems, but wouldn't speak to me in front of his friends at college. I got so annoyed, I confronted him, he replied Im shy, Ive never met someone so perfect, I wish I could spend everyday with you, I got scared and family problems at home, I then forced myself to push him away, we began to argue, I told him I was too afraid of the commitment to be in a relationship as I can't even trust myself. A month later, he was gone, we cut contact, changed our numbers, and he left college to go onto uni, I then realised once he had gone how much he meant to me, I began losing control of my life, partying until 5am in the morning, it began to effect my energy. Now a year on, Im still at college, I hide the fact Im crushed, I hide the fact Ive built up all these wallls when really I feel like Im about to breakdown, everything has gotten to me, I don't want college no more, I don't want to socialise, I just want out and I can only think did everything happen for the wrong reasons? Am I wrong to ask him to give up his new relationship to be with me? Even though we have no contact, my friends tell me I have to move on before I drive myself into a breakdown, I guess I should have listened, but every time he comes into my head, I break, and everything seems less perfect, I can't move on, and its affecting my life, why shouldn't I be happy? :/ How do I get over him and put my happiness on the right path for good?

.. Also thanks to anyone who actually understands my 'rants' and anyone who gives me advice, it will mean a lot.

How perfect is someone that would not talk to you at his college,

What is perfect is the way you remember it, not the way it really was. You have remembered him far form the true way you felt at the time and now want to live in a past that never was instead of face the truth.

Start dating again and move on

I think you need to re-examine the relationship. I think you have turned it into something it wasn't for reasons that only you will ever know.

He wouldn't do things off-campus with you because of money issues. That is understandable. He wouldn't talk to you in front of his friends because he was 'shy'. That is not understandable. His actions did not back up his words. If he cared for you as much as he said he did, he wouldn't have cared about his friends. He would have spent time with you doing things with you.

You had issues of your own and maybe could have handled things better than you did, but I think you were probably reacting to deeper issues on an instinctive level. I think you were more aware of the warning signs then than you are now.

Listen to your friends and let go of the past and the fantasies you are telling yourself about him. I don't think reality would stand up very well next to the idealized memories you are holding on to.

You need to get involved in your life again. Not partying, but doing things that help you feel good about you. What do you enjoy doing that will get you out and meeting new people?

Wow, I think this situation has gotten a bit out of control for you. Most of the time when we are separated from someone we crush on, we build up a superhuman image of someone in our minds and keep hold of only the good things about them. You need a guy that is proud to have you on his arm, someone that is willing to sacrifice material things for you every now and then, someone that really respects you and loves you. My advice for you would be to start to work on your self-respect, find some good things for you to focus on in life - regain your independence and don't rely so much on those memories to define you.

Nice rant/vent! When you are finished, though may I ask how much more time are you going to live with this fantasy before you get off that pity pot and build a life that you enjoy without him??

He wasn't that perfect, you just think he was, Get real, and keep it that way. This isn't about him, never was, its always about you and what you do about yourself, your feelings, and your life.

Rant over yet? Good, get busy.