Hi. I came across this site randomly when I researched some questions. Ok so here is my story and I will try to be short and concise... I'm friends with a coworker of mine and we have always had a platonic relationship. I have a boyfriend and he is married. Anyhow, we've been friends since I started at the company. We go out for drinks and apps after work periodically. He told me to install IM on my phone and since that time we talk for hours over IM a couple nights a week. It's not your typical sexual stuff or griping about the wife. He's not complaining about his relationship or sharing personal details about his life as in not investing emotional energy into his relationship. It's purely friendly banter. The reason I'm on here is because I always ask about his family (i.e. wife, kids and personal life) and to share pics because if we're just friends why wouldn't you want to share those details of your life. He always changes the subject and won't tell me anything personal about his life. *** we get along well because we're friends and my boyfriend knows when and what I'm doing at all times . I have nothing to hide. I do like this guy as a buddy since we have a lot in common and get along great but I question his motives. If we're just friends why won't you talk about the greatest, most important part of you life i.e. your family? I want to know about and experience his greatest joys as I do with other colleagues. He has made comments about me being perfect in every way and alluded to things that makes me think his mind is not in a good place. Again, if he ever goes there I always go back to his wonderful family which he should be grateful for and hold the upmost respect. Any thoughts? Is it normal for a coworker to IM another coworker to their personal account in the evenings? I'm not ignorant but I know where my head is at and I'm so not intersted in breaking up a family. Sorry I'm not a homewrecker and if you're looking for a mistress you've knocked on the wrong door.

Blueiris - I think you know as well as I do, if you have to question his motives, there obvoiusly not clear , and probably not good! I would try and end the IM'ing without making it weird for you at work. If you feel telling him, you think its weird IM'ing so much, might make things weird at work. You could just give him one word replies, or always reply such as, ohh my boyfriend is taking me out, got to go, stuff like that. Mention your man a lot! Lol And one word replies, he will get the hint, that you are not interested in IM'ing.
Weird situation your in. Especially since he is telling you , your perfect in every way, that is inappriopriate. I would stop the IM'ing before the guy gets in too deep

Actually which direction this situation heading right now depends on your coworker 's personality I guess, if he is some kind of a person who are kind of very closed and can't trust people so easily he probably thinking that it is not the right time to open up about his family to you yet, and yeah I once have a friend of mine whom I know for long but not open up about some stuff too, another possibility would be that maybe there are something that he wants to hide about his family like maybe they argue or something, just my predicton though.

If he is a person who never hesitate to open up yet not telling you about his family then yeah maybe as you pointed out maybe he is trying to have an affair with you, and if he really does then yeah you know what to do.

If you are supposed to be friends and colleagues, then why not simply ask straight up why he never can talk of his family. Why let this even become a big assume, and presume type of thing any way. Ask him what's up with that, and why he cannot share his family with you. That would bring things into the open to be dealt with in an appropriate manner. Then you will know if you can be friends or not.