I'm friends with a married guy I met him sometime in August we tell each other everything, we have never had sex, made out or touched inappropriately we do hug and kiss on the check and quick pecks on the lips but we are also very sexual with each other sometimes like he knows I have a vibrator and he asked me how I used it and he knows I fantasize about him and he asked me to describe it to him and we are both attracted to each other but we both can control ourselves but last night he asked well more kindove implied that he wanted me to take a pic of me with my vibrator in my mouth and I did I can't believe I did is that to far? :{

As long as all parties involved know what's going on
And can accept it , it is what it is.
Does his wife know? And are you married also?


Just refraining from actual intercourse does not
Make a relationship OK that is carried on behind the back
Of a partner.

Engaging in a clandestine relationship is cheating
Even if sex is not involved.
It is a betrayal of trust.

My opinion is you went too far when you entered into an extramarital
Relationship to begin with.

That photo is a molehill , compared to the
Mountain of deception you've created beforehand.

Why don't you ask his wife if it's going too far?

Why don't you ask his wife if it's going too far?

Yeah... if his wife says its OK, then have at it.

Agreed, as long as his wife is OK.

If she is not aware and not OK with it, it is going too far.


But then if you have to ask if it is too far, then I will assume you already know it is.

Sally_Ann, how old are you? I ask because I am having a difficult time believing that a woman doesn't see how inappropriate and dangerous a relationship like this is. Don't kid yourself, this relationship has gone beyond being friends.

The best outcome I can see for this is that you are being used by both him and his wife for their own amusement. It would make you a toy in their sex games. If you were more than a toy, then you would be friends and sharing all of this with his wife, too.

Another possibility is that you are the latest in a line of 'conquests' and that this male is a serial cheater.

What are you expecting out of this relationship? Him to leave his wife and make your fantasies come true? How do you trust that he wouldn't do to you what he is doing to her?

Take care of yourself and get out of this before you end up getting hurt.

Engaging in any sort of inappropriate conduct with another woman's husband, is dishonest, and deceiptful, and asking for trouble. Not to mention it is not a very honourable thing for one woman to do to another.

While you say that you can control yourself, you are not. Engaging in this sexual behaviour is no different than foreplay, because you know it will lead to more than you sticking a vibrator in your mouth and sending him a picture. You are participating as much as he is, in setting up a situation that will result in the obvious, which would be a full blown affair.

You are playing a very dangerous game that has already gone too far. You may 'win', him, but do you really want a married man? Think about the consequences to keeping this sexual foreplay.

Controlling yourself would be realizing what you are doing, and completely stopping the behaviour, for the benefit of ALL concerned.

I agree! Invite his wife out for coffee. If he is your friend no reason she can't be your friend too. And just explain your relationship and let her know that you want to make absolutely sure that you aren't over stepping boundarys or making her uncomfratable.
My best friend is a man as well. I have know him for 9 years now and he has a fiancé, but she knows about us, and is accepting of it. We even have those sexual talks, a lot of times its I'm asking me for advice but sometimes its also just us 'shooting the breeze'

Perhaps she would like to sit in with you guys and goof off with sex talks?

Talking with friends about sex is a normal part of life. It doesn't have to mean there is a sexual relationship (physical OR mental) but if she is uncomfratable with it, keep the friendship, but put a stop to the sexy talks.

Jennie, I think you may want to re-read the question again. There is already a mentally sexual relationship between these two.

This has gone beyond advice or 'shooting the breeze'. He has asked how she uses her vibrator and knows she fantasizes about him. He had her take a picture of a vibrator in her mouth. Those aren't exactly 'just being friendly' activities.

Sally_Ann, I just read your question again and I am going to add one more thing to what I have already said. I want you to think about who started the sex talk and how it has progressed. Does he do a lot of 'implying' and making it seem like it is your idea to tell him things? I think he may be undermining any defenses you might put up against getting into a physical relationship.

Warning signs are there, please don't ignore them.

How would SallyAnn feel if her husband received a photo of a woman he knows deep throating a vibrator?

And then go from there.

I am 18 and he is 22

He did start it

My personal thoughts are yes you are going too far. It isn't a physical affair but it is an emotional one. An emotional affair can be just as damaging as a physical one.

I would lay it off a little bit. Talk to him and figure out where things are going and why. You are becoming dangerously close to becoming "The other woman.". The mistress. The reason for his divorce.

Tone it down and get him back in the friend zone. It is okay to talk and flirt about but draw the line there. No more photos. I think you might want to tone down the sexuality in your conversations as well.

Again, opinion. You will end up doing what you want to do.

Consider this... today he's doing this to his wife with you... next month he might be doing it to yet someone else... at your expense.

It's a no-win situation for you. You can learn now... or you can learn later when you really get hurt... but eventually you ARE going to learn the same lesson.

Today you might the "other woman" tomorrow someone else will be the other woman.

One thing I've learned through working for Attorneys - NEVER send a compromising photo to ANYBODY. If there is some sort of disagreement, he has too much to drink, and he shows that photo to other people there will be fireworks. Everyone tends to trust their "partner in crime" right up until things fall apart.

And then let the fun begin!

(Or the wife finds the photo, contacts OP's husband and I have a job.)

You already know it has gone too far. He is married... period. Neither of you has any business engaging in such personal conversations. The line has been crossed of talking with a friend and having intimate conversations with a married man.

No doubt you have felt flattered by his attention, but be smart about it and back off now... if he persists in trying to continue these types of conversations, let him know that you feel it has gone farther than it should have and that you are no longer going to discuss it with him. If he still insists, or tries to lead your talks in a sexual direction, it may be necessary to end the friendship.

This is one mess you don't want to get caught up in!