My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago. I applied the no-contact rule (no contact for 1 month). I do want him back. So, what's the next step? His birthday is coming up. I will send him a quick email just to say "Happy Birthday" and that's it. What are the next steps? Should I contact him now occasionally and just be friends to see how he reacts? Please help!

I think your mistaken.

NC isn't to get him back its to help you get over him.

He broke up with you a month ago and you've had no contact with him?

You'll be the last person he wants to hear from on his birthday,

You just said I don't want him back , so what is sending a text message means for you , get over him we can't give you answer for that, you just exposed your feelings if you said I don't want him back.

Thanks for the reply, but I said "I do want him back"...

So go crawling to him, tell him you are sorry and beg him to come back to you.

Or do another month of NC, then another till you move on and find someone else.

Your boyfriend broke up with you, you decided to apply NC because (I'm assuming) you were hurt due to the break up. Have you forgotten all of that? Have you forgotten that he broke up with you? He obviously had reasons to break up... those reasons are probably still there.

So, why did he break up?

Why are you so willing to ignore those reasons?

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Fr_Chuck again.

Don't email on his birthday. Just stay with No Contact, until you don't want him back. Or you can be miserable all over again. Your choice.

We had been together for 9 years. And we were planning to get married this Fall 2011. We had been in a long distance relationship and only saw each other probably once a month, but we emailed and talked on the phone almost everyday. We planned to move to San Francisco this Fall as both of our companies had a branch office there. Everything had been going to the positive direction the last 6 months while we were planning our future together. Then he told me a month ago that he was not in love with me; He realized the love he had with me was more like brother-and sister's love. He said he didn't have the affection/passion with me. But he said he wants to stay friends with me. We are compatible with each other, we share common interest, we have been each other's best friend (besides boyfriend/girlfriend relationship) all these years. I always thought the best marriage is to marry someone who is also your best friend.

Anyway, that's why I still want to be with him if there is still a chance. And I read some articles online saying the first step to get you boyfriend back is the NC rule for 1 month. But the articles didn't say what to do next. So, that's why I asked.

Hunnie001,

Your best friend just told you he wasn't in love with you anymore then friendship. He was honest with you. Most of us have heard or even said ourselves about just wanting to be friends. It doesn't mean that we actually want to have that type of relationship, we just want to ease the hurt of a breakup.

You need to continue with NO contact. He has moved on with his life and its time for you to do the same. Be thankful that he stopped this relationshp prior to you actually moving and being in a strange city during this breakup.

We have all been through some tough breakups and wanted to have our ex's back during our mourning time, but once you really give yourself the time to heal and get out with friends, and learn to move on with your life, you do realize that for whatever reason this was for the best.

Its time to REALLY start your healing and stop looking back, get out,start some classes or hobbies, do whatever you need to keep busy. Take care

Hi Hunnie001,

Since he said he wanted to stay friends with you - did you he try contacting you during your NC?

Then he told me a month ago that he was not in love with me; He realized the love he had with me was more like brother-and sister's love. He said he didn't have the affection/passion with me.

Read what you wrote above... then read what you wrote below...


Anyway, that's why I still want to be with him if there is still a chance.

Doesn't really match up does it??
That's what happens when your emotions (heart) cloud your better judgement (brain).

NC isn't to get your ex back. Ive been NC with my ex (13 years together) for 6 months and I isn't going back. I did it for me.

You need to start putting yourself first. Remember if you have to make someone be with you by playing silly NC games then really why would you want to be with that person?

If you've been together for 9 years and you want to get back together, then you don't need to play mind games. You can speak to each other directly to see where each other stands.

However, I caution that if you decided to break up after 9 years, then it must be something very serious, so unless you can repair the damage, there's no reason to get back together as it will only blow up in your face again.

Lastly, regardless of how you feel, this is a two-way street, so unless he has the same desire to get back with you, regardless of what you do or say, it won't make him come back to you.

Therefore, if you want him back, then let him know and see how he responds. But there's no guarantee that he will come back to you. Furthermore, breaking no contact will only add to your pain and suffering if he doesn't take you back and it will only set you back from all the progress you've made.

If he hasn't missed you in a month, see what happens in two, then three... and so on and so on.

I would have to agree with the other who posted advice to you before me, yeah you should move on because the guy already stated that he only wants friendship from you, I don't kmow what made him said that but I am sure he got a reason that made him think that the relationship as bf/gf just won't work anymore, it always takes 2 to do a relationship and now 1 of you already give up on it whether he wants to back to you or not it is up to him , if he still want you he will contact you back, if not then well... you should move on dear

Why you all people wasting the time giving her soultions , she said she don't want him back , get the picture and leave her alone.

why you all people wasting the time giving her soultions , she said she don't want him back , get the picture and leave her alone.

Maybe you should be the one "getting the picture"?

She actually typed this in Post #4 in response to your post as you had misread what she had typed.


Thanks for the reply, but I said "I do want him back"...


Then she typed in Post #8


Anyway, that's why I still want to be with him if there is still a chance.

At least learn to read before having a go at others who are trying to help.

The NC can take more than a month... you have to work on your life and make your life so amazing that any guy would kill to be a part of it.. you need to become interesting different and amazing... keep working on yourself and when fate says its right he will come to you.. I am currently at 7 weeks NC! Stay strong you will have many set backs but every time you overcome one your becoming a much stronger better person for it.. don't message him happy birthday it will leaving him worrying you don't care anymore

I agree with Flawrie - no matter how difficult it is - don't break the NC. Let him do it..

I think if you still have feelings , you should try again, 9 years it is quite a long time. But don't live in illusions, keep in mind that he could reject you again. But why not trying ? All you have to lose is to be heart again, and if you are ready for that, then try again. But don't look desesperate, enjoy your life and try to behave the same way when you first met. Maybe it will make him realize that he is missing you , maybe not. But just keep in mind that you need to protect yourself from being hurt again

The next step is continuing the no contact for another month, and then another, and another, and when it gets to a year, you continue it for another year, and then another, and another.

Get the idea?