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View Full Version : Did my Boyfriend brainwash me?


Funsizest
Jan 11, 2011, 03:22 PM
My boyfriend and I went out for about 3-4 months (I didn't keep track) about a year ago... The beginning of our relationship was nice, but as it went on, it started to turn horrible. He'd get mad at me a lot because I didn't do something a certain way, or I was always doing things wrong, or not to do certain things that made me who I was... But I went along with it because I... loved... him a lot and I didn't want to upset him by sticking up for myself. Toward the end, the reason we broke up is because he cheated on me with his best friend's girlfriend.

He dated her for a few days then realized that he had done and broke up with her. By this time, I was on my way to Pennsylvania for about a month to clear my head. So, he starts texting me, telling me he wants he back, but by then, I was already in another relationship (Fall back guy), but I knew I wasn't over my ex. He asked me if he could have another chance if my current boyfriend didn't work out... I said "We'll see".

A few weeks had passed and I started to clear my head a little, telling myself I didn't need my ex to be happy. But one night, I just got home from Bingo when my siblings were watching TV and I recognized something familiar... I kept watching it and sure enough, there was my Ex, on TV.. . I broke down, I couldn't handle it... but I kept watching because I felt that it was the only way to be close to him at the moment. All and all, I felt like I had to start ALL over again and try to get over him.. .

I came back from PA, and sure enough, a few weeks later... he started texting me and calling me... but I didn't answer. Soon enough he started showing up at my door, sometimes late at night. As sweet as this kind of was, it still seemed a little odd. Stalkerish, in a way.

So, Eventually I started talking to him and letting him get a little closer to me, and stuff like that. One day, he came over, and we started to make out, but he suddenly pulled away and said "Now, I don't want you to get too attached..." Okay, that ALONE pissed me off!! But I didn't say anything, I just nodded like an idiot.

That same night, he said the same thing to me over the phone after we flirted a little. Pissed me off, but again, I said nothing. The next day, I thought about it, and decided that I was done with this crap, and blocked his number from my phone. He immediately texts me from his sister's cell and was like "You BLOCKED ME?!?! I can't believe it..." It hurt, but I had to do it for myself.

About two months went by, but I was miserable... I couldn't stop thinking about him... and as pathetic as this may seem, once I sat outside for five hours in 30 degree weather just waiting for him. So, Yes, I was pathetically missing him at this point. A few days later, he tries calling me from his work number, I didn't answer. A few days after that, he SOMEHOW got my house number and started calling me from that. This went on for about a week. On day, the phone beeped and I answered it without thinking... Sure enough... It was my Ex. I knew who it was the moment I heard his voice.

We talked for a while and it made me sooo happy. So, that's kind of where I'm at now, we've been on a few dates, but we're not actually in a relationship at this point... He runs his own business so he's mostly busy, and doesn't have much time for me. He's been going though a lot, with his business, his family, and him starting college soon... so I suggested, one day, that maybe it was for the best for us not to continue with "Us"... He started breaking down begging me not to leave him again, that he worked too hard and waiting too long for me and that he wasn't losing me again. He said I was so special to him and that he thinks of me almost every minute of the day.

On our last date, he gave me a ring that read "I Love You" when you opened it. It didn't mean anything relationship wise, so that was good... it was just him thinking about me. He told me it was a "Wish" ring... that I had to close my eyes and make a wish before I opened it.

When I was with him, I was sooo happy, but on the other hand, I was always an emotional wreck because of the things he would say or do to me. My Friends told me I wasn't myself when I was with him. They said I was like his little robot. I hated to hear that, but I knew it was true. But anyway, one minute he can't get enough of me, and the next minute he doesn't even want to talk to me. And I'm NORMALLY not the kind of girl that does this whole "obsession" thing... It took him two years to get me, and 6 months to agree to go to the prom with him. I usually play the game hard to get, very well.

But that's what brings be back to the whole brain washing ordeal... I think I've falling so hard for him, that when I'm with him, or talk to him, I'm terrified of making him upset or thinking that I am foolish. I really like him, but I can feel that being with him, is beginning to tear me apart again... but without him, I am a mess.. . Any advice on what the HELL I should do, or maybe give me some kind words? Or.. Something?. Anything? I'm kind of desperate for help at this point. Lol

Kenny123
Jan 11, 2011, 03:29 PM
Well, I've read your post now, and I think that you really want an answer to this. I don't want to say that anyone of you is doing the wrong thing, but cheating is wrong but praying for forgiveness is a way to earn a second chance. But I think, that you should confront him and speak to him about just being friends and not lovers. Cause that can be his second chance, but if it's like this that you want to be lovers not friends, but at the same time want to be friends not lovers, then I honestly can't answer. Don't want to make any of this worse for you.

Funsizest
Jan 11, 2011, 03:39 PM
Yeah, I've thought about that... but ask it turns out, I can't be JUST friends with him... And it's hard for me to talk to him about all this because he becomes upset with me too easily. I think he's bypolor... lol

talaniman
Jan 11, 2011, 04:31 PM
Your problem is not if he brainwashed you or not, but not telling him when he pisses you off. Then its simple, he stops it or you leave.

When you don't address his behavior, you will surely get more of it. Being afraid to lose some one is a lousy excuse to not being honest with them about YOUR feelings.

Funsizest
Jan 11, 2011, 04:41 PM
Yeah, I know. He just gets mad. I've started to tell him when things he does bother me, but every time, he becomes agree with me. It's very upsetting. But I'll try harder, Thank you, Very much. :)

Fr_Chuck
Jan 11, 2011, 04:47 PM
It is a trained response, he knows that you will let him, and will come crawling back to him. So why should he change,
It is time to have some self respect and stand up for yourself first.

So if you leave him ( throw him out) you may be lonely for a bit, but start dating, and get over him.

Funsizest
Jan 11, 2011, 05:10 PM
Well, he keeps crawling back to me... I just let him. I've tried dating other people, but it's not the same and even if I wanted to let him go, he won't leave me alone. o.Q

wisemanswords
Oct 16, 2011, 08:04 PM
Grow some balls. Women that stand up for themselves are a turn on. He will either have complete respect for you and the table will turn or he will just go and try and find some one easier to boss around and that will put up with his pathetic mood swings. Then if it all doesn't work and you find yourself without him you will realise you were better off also anyway and you will find it a lot easier to get over him when your higher on the ladder.

By the way you can't convey tone. I just re read what I wrote and it seems harsh so I'm sorry try not to read it like that. Just your best interest at heart. Makes me mad. Women should have men at their knees not the other way around!