I'm seriously thinking of leaving my husband of 10yrs! We are two completely different people, which I thought was a good thing, I love him and I want to make things work but he is living and a fantasy world that is not going to be a reality. I've tried to be who he wants and do what he wants but I feel like I'm being fake. I feel as though I'm acting and not being!! he made me happy now he makes me sad more than happy!! I don't know what happened but we feel off! Like the Kelly price song "u should of told me" well... I tell him all the time, things aren't good, changes need to be made, he listens but it doesn't last long. I'm tired, so tired of arguing, walking on egg shells and wishing for better. I seem to can't let go. He's my first and only same sex relationship and my first marriage.I love him, but my heart is breaking, what do I do? I've been talking to someone who is has a personality like me and I feel relaxed talking to him, do I need someone like me to have the best relationship?

What are you "walking on egg shells about "
What do you argue about
What other world is he in

And why can't you just be yourself, and let it be his problem then, not yours

When I come home or when we're together I feel like I need to think of what to say and do because its going to start an argument or I'm trying to be like someone else. I'm just letting go and then I'm acting like someone else. We argue about small things that's why I think there is something underneath all that and he isn't telling me. It's that fraud thing, getting mad at the samll and not facing the big!!
My friend put the world he's living in in word for me "he wants champage on a heinken budget!
I don't know know why I can't be myself, but I know he's yearning to surface soon!!

Have the two of you ever considered marriage counseling?

Would your husband be willing to go to Marriage Counseling with you?

There really isn't a correct answer when the question is about finding a partner who is like us or the exact opposite. There should be some common ground in likes, dislikes, etc. but how much changes from couple to couple. However, no matter how alike or different you are as individuals, a marriage has a very difficult time succeeding if the people do not respect each other as the individuals they are. Trying to make someone change or changing to suit someone else's concept of a mate ends up hurting both people. No one should try to be someone he/she isn't.

'Faking' who you are as a person doesn't help. Be yourself. Compromise and adapt where needed to build a strong relationship, but do not let go of who you are. IF you choose to make changes it should be because it is what you want.

Having a support system outside of the marriage is a good thing as long as you don't allow a friendship to become stronger than your marriage.

IF he is unwilling to work with you to build a better and stronger relationship, then it may be time to decide if the marriage can be saved or if you are even willing to try. Whatever you decide, do not cheat (emotionally or physically) and do not leave the marriage for anyone other than yourself. Sliding or jumping from one relationship to the next without healing and getting rid of the baggage is not good for you or the next relationship you enter into.

If you are afraid to be yourself around your own partner, that's your problem. If you don't have the ability to speak your peace, and do what you think is right, then you have let your own fear take control of your thoughts, actions, and life.

Maybe you should do more expressing yourself honestly, and doing what's right, an less complaining about what HE makes YOU do, and feel.

I hope you are not with him to make each other happy, because that seldom happens. You should be there because you ARE happy, and are willing to share it. If not, why are you there? What's stopping you from leaving? Again, this is your problem. Don't blame your partner for not being happy, do something about it.

Its time to get some help with your marriage. I totally agree about seeing a marriage counselor. Even if your husband won't go, at least go yourself. You need to be able to talk to someone about the things accuring in your marriage.

BEWARE: I understand that you feel alone and need to talk to someone, that is why I suggest a counselor. I would caution you getting into any real close relationship with any man that you haven't had previous friendship with prior to this time. When we feel alone and emotional, we sometimes feel so much comfort and understanding from this person, that we build that into more personel then we should. Take care

My understanding is that you are in your first gay relationship, and legal or not you consider it a marriage and treat it as such. However, you have been "talking" to another man already, though you've not resolved the problems in your committed relationship.

First, stop "talking" to this other person. Explain simply that you are in a committed relationship and owe it to all three of you to focus on either fixing or ending that relationship on its own merits before you confuse things with another potential boyfriend.

Then set a time to speak to your husband directly about your exact issues and tell him, "I need to be totally honest. Some things aren't working in the relationship and I'm considering ending it. I need you to hear me and be honest about whether the changes I would need for this to work are things you want to do, and that you can live with long-term."

Stop acting fake - that's a fraud against both of you. And if everything you would naturally say or do starts an argument, that's your answer.

I would caution against diving into another relationship immediately if you do break up this marriage becauwes if you do that, this new person will pay for all your problems. Work through it, figure out what you did wrong or right and learn from the relationship. Then when you are at peace with it, resume dating.

Take care.

Comment on dontknownuthin's post

Thanks! I was talking to my boyfriend and he said the same thing!! I'm afraid of the pain!

Comment on talaniman's post

I've been asking myself that same question why am I here!! I think I'm affaraid of the pain of letting go! I know that's my problem and I will face it, its just hard for me cause I deeply love him. But your rite, I have to do something about it.