Asher
Jan 12, 2007, 12:17 PM
For the past few days, I've been feeling lifeless. I don't know where to go or what to do outside my home.
I have a few hundred dollars, but I don't want to spend it or else my mother would get angry at me. That pisses me off, really. I may seem happy on the outside, but I'm really not. I'm thinking of getting a part time job, but I'm too afraid of starting new in a different environment. I really wonder if starting new is that bad because I hear the experiences of others.
I'm starting to get afraid of other people as well, even though I mentally trained myself not to care what they might think about me. Well, that mental barrier is fading away. Most likely, it's because I'm still not confident in my people skills because I'm not good at starting and continuing conversations. I can try to talk during the first five minutes, but it gets quiet afterwards. Really quiet.
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago because she wasn't interested in me anymore. She either "seemed" uninterested or she was just using me the whole time for college applications and English homework during the two weeks we were "together". After that experience, I felt like I'm constantly being used by other people for their own benefit, not my own. Even though she's out of the equation, I've been constantly wanting a new relationship because I hate my most recent failure with a passion. I always get jealous watching other couples, in a state of bliss, while I, staring off into the distance, barely have any girl "friends".
I truly don't want to return to my previous state of depression or loneliness a few months ago and I feel like it's surfacing once again. It reached to the point of me yelling back at my mom for cooking a lot of food everyday. I'm dependent on other people, yet I'm not at the same time. I've been getting frustrated over things and I really wanted to punch a wall in or throw a tantrum. I can't find mental balance in my life anymore. Please help me with some input and guidance.
I have a few hundred dollars, but I don't want to spend it or else my mother would get angry at me. That pisses me off, really. I may seem happy on the outside, but I'm really not. I'm thinking of getting a part time job, but I'm too afraid of starting new in a different environment. I really wonder if starting new is that bad because I hear the experiences of others.
I'm starting to get afraid of other people as well, even though I mentally trained myself not to care what they might think about me. Well, that mental barrier is fading away. Most likely, it's because I'm still not confident in my people skills because I'm not good at starting and continuing conversations. I can try to talk during the first five minutes, but it gets quiet afterwards. Really quiet.
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago because she wasn't interested in me anymore. She either "seemed" uninterested or she was just using me the whole time for college applications and English homework during the two weeks we were "together". After that experience, I felt like I'm constantly being used by other people for their own benefit, not my own. Even though she's out of the equation, I've been constantly wanting a new relationship because I hate my most recent failure with a passion. I always get jealous watching other couples, in a state of bliss, while I, staring off into the distance, barely have any girl "friends".
I truly don't want to return to my previous state of depression or loneliness a few months ago and I feel like it's surfacing once again. It reached to the point of me yelling back at my mom for cooking a lot of food everyday. I'm dependent on other people, yet I'm not at the same time. I've been getting frustrated over things and I really wanted to punch a wall in or throw a tantrum. I can't find mental balance in my life anymore. Please help me with some input and guidance.