My father past away this morning. I have only seen him a handful of times in my life. The last time was two years ago and he did not even know who I was he was close to my brother. I did not expect to feel so bad. I feel as if I have been hit by a ton of bricks.
I wish I knew him. I don't know how I can feel so sad for someone I did not even know.

Jeni

Jeni,

Its okay to feel like you have been hit with that load of bricks. Just because you didn't know your father that well doesn't diminish that fact that he was your father. That fact alone would effect most people. Perhaps you are also mourning the loss of ever having that chance to get to knowing him better.

Iam sorry for the your loss. We are here if you need to just vent, individuals on this site are good people and will listen.

You knew him well enough to feel the loss, and that's okay too. I am sorry for that loss.

Even a parent we didn't get along with (not saying that's you) might stir sad feelings in us when they die.
Most people feel a sort of rush of 'oh what I forgot to say, forgot to do, what I could have done.'
Your father didn't even remember who you were 2 years ago, so I suspect that he wasn't spending the end of his life thinking sadly about people HE didn't connect with and say those things to. He had your brother there too, so wasn't alone without family.
Just reach out to the living who love you, and they will comfort you. That's their job. Families need jobs like that.

You very possibly are grieving what might have been (but never was and now never can be). Whether you had contact or not, you have lost your father and it is not unusual to be sad.

How are you handling this? Do you have a support system to help you through the grieving process?