Hi

I know this might come as stuipid but I need help to my questions I might be pregent and I go for a bloods test on Monday, and its bettween two guy's I just told them and one of them told me if I am and if it is him he want's nothing to do with it and he wants to sign his rights over. I know if I am I know I got to go to court for DNA. But my question is does he have a right to just sign it over or is it up to me? Does he get off that easy and if he signs over rights does he have to pay or will the courts make him pay or grant his rights termnation or denied it? I know this may sound stupid considering I might not even be but I just need to know in case if I am what should I do
Thank you

Hi

I know I might be getting a little ahead of myself here because right now I might be pregent and I will know for sure in two weeks. But I need answer's to my questions so I know what my options are if I am pregnant. I just told the 2 guy's who it's between and one of them said that he wants nothing to do with the child and he wants to sign his right's over as the fater if I am and if he's the father( I know I wld I have to go to court for DNA) if I am and he he is proven to be the father can the court just alow him to sign the right's over if I don't want him to. If I want to take him for child suport? And if he signs rights away does he still have to pay? Like I said I know I am getting ahead of myself ever, but it's better to be safe then sorry right? So what should I do?

I think from everything I have ever heard that it really depends on the judge and the circumstances. I don't think they will allow him to just decide that he doesn't want to PAY so he signs over rights, but then again, I have heard that once he does, he has no obligation to the child so he won't have to pay. I would call your local Family Court office and ask them. They can tell you.

No, he can't.

And even IF a COURT (a court terminates parental rights, not a person) decides to terminate his rights--well, parental rights and parental responsibility are two different things.

He WILL have to pay child support. If he didn't want children, he shouldn't have had sex.

What you should do is have a safe and healthy pregnancy, then go to court to establish paternity once the child is born. Once the child IS born, get a custody order and a child support order in place THROUGH THE COURT. If it's not done through the court, it's not official, and it WILL come back to bite you.

I highly recommend using the search function at the top of the screen and type in Signing over parental rights.


Because children aren't used cars... you don't sign title to a kid over just like that. Period, ever... not in this country... and not in this day and age.

And if he could make the kid he should have a part in raising and paying for it... even if he never sees it. Maybe more women or girls will keep their legs closed and more guys will think twice about sleeping with anyone that will let them. Actions have consequences... some last a lifetime.

Do the search read up on it... please.

Please ask your question only once. We are volunteers here, and sometimes it does take time to get a complete answer.

I have merged your questions.

[Synnen- sorry for the asking it twice my comp froze so I didn't know if it went through or not. But thank you for you're advice and his excuse is he isn't money wise and emontional wise ready so he said he signing rights over and when its born and it is his I should have the papers ready for him to sign.. I however want him to man up in other word put his big boy panites on and man up so that's why I was wondering if he can just decied on his own to sign over his rights. Should I infrom him of this info or should I take it to court if I am, and if he's the father


And smoothy - I agree, childern are not like care tittles and I want him to be invovled with the child life, and pay for it. It shouldn't be all on me he's as much as fault as I am for not wrapping it up. Thank you for telling me ware to search for

I said that because so much has been said... laws quoted etc... everytihng can't be repeated in your thread.

Its going to take a lot of time to read through them... but you will gather a lot of knowledge.

Get the DNA test done... make the real father pay support. Even if he won't be in your life otherwise. After all it took two.

Exactly, I told him that last night it took two to tango and told that both of them, so as I am clear from what I am reading the guy can not just say I am sign his rights over its up to th courts, and even the judge grants it he still has to pay.

He pays until the kid is formally and legally adopted by someone else or reaches legal age. That may range from 18 to 21 depending on where you live. Or unless they get themselve legally emancipated before then... but that's getting way ahead of things at this point.

That assumes you raise the child and have full custody... there are cases where the mother has to pay support to the custodial father.

If I am I am going to keep and raise it because that's the respondisble thing to do, and just trying to find out what I can do...

I think from everything I have ever heard that it really depends on the judge and the circumstances. I dont think they will allow him to just decide that he doesnt want to PAY so he signs over rights, but then again, I have heard that once he does, he has no obligation to the child so he wont have to pay. I would call your local Family Court office and ask them. They can tell you.


Please don't guess at legal questions. I don't know where you heard that this depends on a Judge. It's a matter of State Law.

A PROVEN father cannot simply sign over his rights. If someone is willing to ADOPT the child, yes, the father would legally turn his rights over to that person IF the adoptive father is suitable. The rules/regulations vary by State. A father cannot just walk away.

Again, I have no idea where you "heard" any of this but you are incorrect.

if i am i am going to keep and raise it becaus thats the respondisble thing to do, and just trying to find out what i can do....


This is a legal board and I've given legal advice BUT the responsible thing isn't always to keep "it" - sometimes finding someone who will love a child and provide a secure and better life is the responsible thing to do.

Sorry to throw in the personal advice on a legal board but I felt it had to be said.

... does he have a right to just sign it over or is it up to me? ...

As others have already said in this thread, "signing rights over" is not going to get him off the hook as far as child support goes.

You might want to read this (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family-law/signing-over-rights-read-first-116098.html) sticky, if you haven't already done so.

AK linked you to a sticky note at the top of this forum. That sticky would have answered your questions. It's a good idea to browse around first before posting to see if you can find the answers to your questions.

JudyKayTee- thank you for your advice, I am From Delaware and I'm glad I came across this site because I always ashumed that a person can just hand over his or her right's and didn't have to pay, the info and kind words and adivce was helped(thank you all). I know at times keeping it may not be the right thing at times but I was raise you made your bed now you got to lay in it. How ever if I am and who ever is the father I will no let them get off that easly I will fight this. And now I know what I must do. It just sucks the men have to be like this. So what if he fails to pay for childsuport or show up for a DNA Test what would happened then

The world is full of deadbeat dads who will do anything to avoid their responsibility. However, if he has a regular job there are state agencies that will help you collect. No guarantees. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.

I'm not sure where you got this idea that a father could just walk away. The father contributed to the child and has to contribute to its rearing, legally and morally.

JudyKayTee- thank you for your advice, i am From delaware and im glad i came accross this site because i always ashumed that a person can just hand over his or her right's and didn't have to pay, the info and kind words and adivce was helped(thank u all). I know at times keeping it may not be the right thing at times but i was raise u made ure bed now u gotta lay in it. how ever if i am and who ever is the father i will no let them get off that easly i will fight this. and now i know what i must do. it just sucks the men have to be like this. so what if he fails to pay for childsuport or show up for a DNA Test what would happend then


You are more than welcome - we all work as a team here. Hopefully different answers from different perspectives (and experience) will be helpful. Please stay with "us," let us know how things are going for you.

You have your answer about the father having to support the child. If he fails to show up for the DNA test there is a very good possibility that it will be adjourned and the Court will ORDER him to appear. If he still doesn't appear he can be arrested. That usually gets "him" in the lab. By the way, the DNA test has to be performed by a Court-recognized facility. You can't use a home test kit.

If he doesn't pay child support after a Court ORDERS it, then he can also be arrested for non-support and violation of a Court Order.

As you can see, there are options but they all take time.

In the meantime I believe you are acting in the best interest of your child. I am concerned that you are intending the raise the child because you feel it is some sort of "punishment" (and I know that's not a good word) for you for getting pregnant or something along those lines. I'm sure you are smart enough to do what is in the best interest of both your child... and you.

Please stay in touch.

And, again, thank you for your kind words.

THere are a lot of Deadbeat moms as well, who dump their kids off on the father to run off and have a kid by another guy... plenty of shame to go around from both sides...

Just don't let him either sweet talk you or badger you out of getting child support from him. He made it let him pay for it... and not the taxpayers who are tired of paying for these lazy guys, most of whom I hesitate to call men.

I will add a few follow up thoughts, many dead beat fathers, go though a system of trying to get out of paying. They will first lie, say the child is not theirs, say they can merely sign over their rights. Next they will do some threatening, say they have an attorney and they will take the baby from you as soon as it is born if they have to pay, ( this is a very common threat) They may say they will take the baby and run off ( like they really want a baby)

But the only thing you can do is make them pay, you can not make them take responsibility and see the child, you can't make them visit or do anything but pay.

. I know at times keeping it may not be the right thing at times but i was raise u made ure bed now u gotta lay in it. how ever if i am and who ever is the father i will no let them get off that easly i will fight this. and now i know what i must do. it just sucks the men have to be like this. so what if he fails to pay for childsuport or show up for a DNA Test what would happend then

Okay--I'll apologize now for the NON-LEGAL nature of the following advice.

PLEASE talk to a counselor about this!

If you think that giving your child to someone else to raise and walking away is EASY, and isn't "taking responsibility" or whatever else, you REALLY have no clue about adoption. The attitude of "you made your bed, now lie on it" meaning that you have to KEEP the child is completely wrong--and VERY selfish. Frankly, I see young women who do NOT explore all of their options to be JUST as selfish and "like this" as the men whose first reaction is to not want to parent at this point in their life. Why is it okay for YOU to decide that HE is ready to be a parent when you haven't even examined whether it is in your CHILD'S best interest that YOU should be a parent right now?'

Every woman has to make her own choice in a situation like this, but frankly it drives me crazy that most of them don't actually do any research on the subject of what is best for their child before deciding that being a single parent with a reluctant father who will probably do everything he can to get out of child support and mental/emotional support of the child--which means that yet another kid is scarred by an absent parent.

You're being JUST as selfish as the father at this point if you don't even LOOK into all of your options. His selfishness is putting himself before the needs of a child because he does not WANT to be a parent. YOUR selfishness is putting yourself before the needs of your child because you DO want to be a parent.

In the end, it's your choice, and you have to live with your choice. But don't completely demean him for being selfish about his wishes regarding the child before really examining your own reasons for choosing to parent, and whether you were thinking about YOURSELF first, or the CHILD first when you made that choice.

Synnen- I have considered adoption if I am pregent and I have even consider abortion but in the end I have to think wat's best for my child(not myself) as I sat and thought of other situations how it can effect a child being adopted not knowing their true parent's it came be damgeing as well when I have other kids as well. I have also check out open adption as well. But again I think in the end I'm going to raise it, I have amazing support systems(friends and family). I really trying not to be selfish and just trying to do what's right. I believe in my heart if I give this up I know I'm going to regret it. I know I can not make the father being into the child life but I can do what ever I can to make him pay


FR- chuck- thank you for the info, I know they can try that because my friend went through it with her baby daddy, but I will fight for my child and do what's right. I know I can't make him see onlu pay


Judykaytee- I have found everything helpful in everything every one has said in this and I am thankful for coming to this site and coming cross nice people like you guys. I now understand the how child support and right's and dna stuff. All this stuff is so stressfull and just under a lot of stress. And as for the punishment I don't know if that has to do with it, I was brought up with the old saying every action as a re action. So that's what I am doing is steping up I maybe be only 19 but honestly I'm want this child if I am pregnant, and I want nothing but the best for the child. That's whyt I can't see myself giving it up and having them going up with out knowing their real parents not only that its my parents, I know they will fight me with adoption, I have thought about it real hard, I looked into things but in the end I think this is right for me and my child. I'm hoping maybe who ever the father will step up and we can keep it out court. It feels like all the blame on me, like oh well you can't just make him pay or you know he wants nothing to do with it, I know I am just as much fault as them. But you know, I can't thank u guys enough for you advice(even if it wasn't what I want to hear) it meant a lot. I will deffelly keep in touch and judykaytee if you have a email I can email you wats on going on and keep you all updated

We are not allowed to exchange email addresses (unfortunately, because I really am concerned and interested in what you decide to do). I don't necessarily agree that an adopted child grows up wondering who/what/why (you know what I mean) but the decision on what to do (and how to do it) is certainly yours. You are thinking things over and it sounds like you have some time to put your thoughts in order.

I don't know whether it's in the child's best interest (or yours) to be adopted or raised by you. Only you know that. I know you want what is best for the child and that is why you are somewhat conflicted in your decision.

Yes - please keep me informed, even if it's just a word or two. If you have any problems with the legal system, ask away!

And thank you for the kind words - a lot of people never come back at all and to be thanked is just great (and keeps me posting).

Please - keep me updated.

Judykaytee- It's okay and it's understanable that you can't give out email adreeses, how ever I will deffently keep in touch and keep you updated with everything that comes along. For the kind wors its not a problem, the advice helped me out and at least I can say is thank you.(now day's a simple thank you can go along ways) I do actually have and updated I actually just got off the phone with one of the pos father(the one who wanted to sign over rights) I guess he had a changed of heart because he said that he may not beable to always help (pay for the child) because he says he's livng out of his truck cause hs parents kicked him out) but he will be there if hees the father and if I am pregnant, But I'm still keeping a gard up and do what I need to do.

Synnen- I have considerd adoption if i am pregent and i have even consider abortion but in the end i have to think wat's best for my child(not myself) as i sat and thought of other situations how it can effect a child being adopted not knowin their true parent's it came be damgeing as well when i have other kids as well. I have also check out open adption as well. but again i think in the end i'm going to raise it, i have amazing support systems(friends and family). I really trying not to be selfish and just trying to do what's right. i believe in my heart if i give this up i know im going to regret it. i know i can not make the father being into the child life but i can do what ever i can to make him pay

I think you missed some of what Synnen was trying to tell you. When you say things like; " it can effect a child being adopted not knowin their true parent's it came be damgeing" and "i can do what ever i can to make him (the father) pay" it shows that you don't really have much a clue what you are getting yourself in for. May I remind you that this started asking questions that showed a total lack of understanding of paternity issues.

What Synnen was telling you was to get professional counseling to help you understand and deal with the issues you face. If, after getting such counseling you decide to raise the child, fine. At least you will have made an educated decision. Right now it appears to me you are making a decision based on fallacies, emotions and lack of knowledge.

And yes, please do keep us posted by adding to this thread from time to time.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do... I hope you got a lot of information from the other threads I asked you to check out.

True... many times we go seeking advice hoping to confirm what we want to do, but many times we find out the advice is something we didn't want to hear but had to. It was true when we were little kids... and it will be true in our old age. And a wise person won't ignore something they don't want to hear... but instead take the advice close to heart when they work on their decision.

Thank you, Scott.

Xeosx, I'm a birthmother. The way you talk about adoption tells me that you have not TRULY looked into it, because you talk about things that just aren't true--like not knowing biological parents, or that being raised by parents other than biological parents would be more damaging psychologically than having a deadbeat father and a single mother. ALL kids have issues stemming from their parents--it has nothing to do with whether their adopted, but with whether their parents are mature enough to not involve their kids in their issues.

I chose adoption for my child 18 years ago. I have an open adoption, and get regular updates on my child. Frankly, she's a LOT better adjusted than she would have been if I'd raised her--because she KNOWS who her biological parents are, and has regular communications with us. But raising her with no money, and a father who was not going to stick around, even with a great support system--I would have been a TERRIBLE mother then. And my child wouldn't have gotten all the things she needed and deserved to have, because regardless the support system, she would have had two parents that fought all the time and one of those parents wouldn't have been around through the tough crap. My parents fought me, too, on adoption.

I'm not telling you to choose adoption. I'm telling you to please, please, PLEASE see a counselor regarding ALL of your options! Lutheran Social Services is who I dealt with, but Planned Parenthood has counselors that can help you, too, as do other places that kind of vary by location. These people are trained to help YOU make an informed decision. And they're people who have dealt with the fallout from every choice--because you'll have regrets no matter what you choose--and help you understand the consequences of EVERY choice.

Choosing adoption was the hardest thing I ever did. It was the right choice for me, and for my daughter, but it was HARD.

I just want you to please talk to someone who is completely neutral to help YOU decide, with all the information, what is best for you and your child. YOUR choice, not theirs.

And I am adopted, I am sure it was a hard choice my birth parents made many years ago. It made me who I am. In fact I most likely had a better life, but who knows.

The only real difference is adopted children have a society telling them they are "missing" something, and I have never seen that to be a fact.

Thank you for the information of the conusler and I do plan to make a call to them so I can talk to some one with this, from thinnking I have a different opionon about adoption. All I want is what is best for the child. I have mixed emotions about everything. Its just really hard and difficult choice that I'm going to have to make. And synne again thank you for the info and I'm sorry if I came across with a attitude (not my intentions) I have check out a program my friend told me about.

Honey, I know how confused you are right now--I've been there, right?

That's why I really want you to get help from someone who understands what's happening with you and who can help you understand your options so YOU can make the choice.

I am sure your emotions are everywhere right now, and it's hard to think, and everyone is throwing their opinion at you as the RIGHT opinion.

The only opinion I have about what you should do with your pregnancy is that you should see a qualified counselor so that you have someone to help you, someone on your side without their own agenda.

Yeah I am very emotional right now and my mind is like a roller coster right now, I have made that call to talk with some one and I go and see them Thursday, again thank you all for your advice

Let us know how you are doing - talking to someone is a very good idea. Sounds like you are getting things under control and are less panicky.

Judykaytee, after talking with some one it help me out a lot and its helping make my choice if I am, Wednesday I get my bloodtest results back. I'm still very emontional and in pain having side pain and back pain. But I'm trying to do all the right things. I'll keep you guys posted

Thanks for the update - I'm thinking about you and I'll be waiting to hear what you learn.