I am a mother of two children. Son is 25, daughter is 23. My son recently has become very violent and abusive to me and my husband. He has been abusive to his past girlfriend. They both were to each other. We allowed my son to move in after getting in trouble with law for his violence. He lost his job and vehicle. I am disabled and my husband works. He refuses to pay rent or help (he has a income from unemployment). But he will pay 50 dollars for taxi or 70 for a hotel to be with the x girlfriend. We live pay day to payday. When we tell him to move he threatens suicide. We have called the police just recently on him, they did not take him. He has shoved me to the floor and hit my husband so hard now eye surgery is needed. He is a jakal and Hyde. When he chooses he is a great guy, but when don't do what he wants or we confront him he tells us we did it to him and changes his words to blame us for all his short comings. We know we are not perfect but he is so out of control. All his friends will not even have anything to do with him. The police told me the hospital would only hold him for 48 hours, if I did this I would really worry for our safety. And putting him on the streets we are afraid he will harm himself. What do I do?

You shouldn't have to live like that even if he is your son. I know it is easier said then done, but I would have him put into the hospital on suicide watch, or call the cops for assult next time. I would also get a restraining order on him as well if you are scared for your safety.

Kick him out and/or call the cops! And Don't let him back in!
If after a while (a LONG while) he wants to try again, let him visit. But Don't LET HIM MOVE IN. he needs to get up off his *** and support himself.

Good luck hon. And the next time he phsyically assults either you or your husband, call 911 and have his *** arrested. :)

He needs to be legally evicted. I don't know where you live, but in certain places there is a system called Adult Protective Services. It's the same as CPS (Child Protective Services), but serves the adults rather than the children.

I presume that you chose not to charge him with assault. With surgery pending as a result of his assault on your husband, I would re-visit that issue with the police. Have him charged. The police cannot help you if you don't help yourself.

The next time he takes a taxi, be prepared to immediately have the locks on the doors changed. When he shows back up, do NOT let him in, and if he doesn't leave peacefully, call the police. Tell him he can have his belongings ONLY with a police escort, and set up a date and time. Have everything out on the front porch.

Apply for a restraining order- immediately.

Just my opinion here, but waiting for a legal eviction may cost you your life. A person that out of control, with the history he has, will not suddenly shape up, or grow up, or turn into a nice person. Should he visit a rental tribunal, you can most certainly justify ending his 'tennancy' without much of a problem. If you have a family lawyer, make a phone call, or an appointment, and get all the questions you have on the table, and know where you stand legally.

The most important thing is, you must take care of yourself and your husband's safety. You need to take steps to be secure in your own home, and unfortunately you will need the assistance of others, such as the police.

If you have a friend or neighbour who can help you find other resources such as mentioned by J-9, for elder support (many places have emergency numbers), seek their assistance as well. The more people you have to support you now, the safer you will be.

I understand your reluctance to put a plan in motion, but understand that you are not the first victim that has found themselves terrified and terrorized by their own son or daughter. As long as you son is not held accountable for his actions, he will keep repeating this pattern. As hard as it is, I think you realize that you need to take serious steps to protect yourself, your husband, and your home.

Jake2008, when a person is violent can you skip over the 30 day evict notice?

You call the police , have him arrested and get a protective order then he can not move back in.

And this is in parenting, not legal, so I will give you personal advice, kick him out, throw him out, throw his belongings in the yard,

What can he do, sue you for illegal eviction, so what ? At least you will be safe

But I would have him arrested and get a restaining order

My experience as always been safety first. Secure safety measures first, ask questions later. I think in this case, to give the son 30 days notice, would make the situation less secure, rather than more secure.

I think that our OP would likely get the same advice from the Police, and her lawyer.

I hope Ree, that you'll be back, and let us know your thoughts on all of this. It is an overwhelming situation you are in. I can tell you that there is help, and it might be a good idea to talk to the police and your lawyer and gain the confidence you need to make decisions about your son.

We'll all be hoping to hear from you again.