Hey, how's it going?
Okay to the point. I'm a 22 year female going to college and though it's never really bothered me before, I have to ask for some advice. Ya see, I've never dated, not even that fake dating you do with the boy you like when you're 9. Never. I've never flirted and most importantly, never kissed. So what's the problem? That could be asked in many ways but I prefer just saying I was a late bloomer to the relationship world. It's not that I didn't now it was there, I just didn't care and it didn't help that I wasn't really attracted to anyone. So here I am, 22 and with nothing to show but a bunch of really weird friends. Sure some are hot, but I feel I'd be more uncomfortable dating them then a complete stranger.

Here are something's to realize about me:
1)I'm a home-body
2)I don't like parties
3)I tend to be one of the guys
4)I'm shy. Sad be true
5)As I don't like being embarrassed, I'll likely never openly come on to a guy
6)I get uncomfortable around intimacy... a lot.

So my question is:What's a girl to do?

Ok so yes maybe you are a bit different than some people but there are a lot of woman just like you. First thing is you are understanding those things about you which is important. If you were oblivious to those things then you would be and we would be completely lost on what to do or help with. You HAVE to find a situation you ar comfortable with. If you are comfortabl reading then join a book club without your friends. Do something out of the ordinary. When you are with your friends you are less likely to have a guy even try to talk to you because you already have a group of people around and you wold not be open either because you have them there. I suggest this awesome site. It is called meetup.com. I moved cross country and meeting people can be hard, girl or guy. By being in a group you can pick you passion. If you like to knit then be in a knitting group, same with reading, or hiking, or going to dog parks, or singles, or pretty much any hobby. It would be nice for you because it is a group of shy people that are meeting for the first time. You both work to build the relationship and you pick which group events you go to. When you are comfortable you can invite them out to hang out with you seperatly than your frieds. If you mix the two groups then the odds of being thrown back in the friends category is high considering you let yourself throw off that vibe. When you go to the group remind yourself to be open minded and just make friends and everything else will flow if you set yourself a goal.

This doesn't like something that's keeping you awake at night,so why don't you try to relax and let things happen?I'm a bit more concerned about the fact that you're a home body and get uncomfortable around intimacy.You need to let go of the fear to approach people,or at least let people approach you.I'm sure you'll find someone interesting,you need to look in the right places,go to places where you like to be and do things you enjoy and eventually you'll meet someone who likes the same things as you.Next time you meet someone atractive,don't turn them into a friend-try to flirt,maybe by being mysterious and reserved,maybe by touching your hair and licking your lips and doing all those seemingly innocent girly moves,whatever feels easier.

First, you're not shy your just kind of introverted at least that is what I can catch, unlike most people you tend to have smaller circle of friends, people and friendship work like chemical, developing friendship with people means 'dissolving' with them because something inside you just 'click' with them, for some people however this 'click' feeling rarely happen because they can't just 'dissolve' easily with other people. Just some real life experience I have one university friend of mine he is a pretty smart guy and pretty kind also however just like you he just not be able to fit in with most people, he tends to have smaller circle of friend and all I can say is he is an awesome guy.

So what if you never been kissed?So what if you never dated?That doesn't make you lower than other people ,your just unique and different, but ofc this sentence doesn't mean that you shouldn't improve yourself, as for now try to find things you interested at, for example if you interested in music go to some music club in there you can find some people with same interest at you and begin social process with them, it won't be easy at first but eventually you will be able to and find friends that can trigger that 'click' feeling

So my question is:What's a girl to do?Hello Brizzy:

A girl is NOT to come onto a website for the first time and rate a LONGTIME member with a BAD review, then sit around and not expect a response from me...

My answer was perfect.. I don't know what you didn't like about it... But, I don't like YOU.

excon

Actually I can and I just did. What you wrote was rude and useless. If you've been on here so long then you might want to start finding better things to do then acting like a jerk. Oh, and l don't care about what you think, like, care, cause you're I don't think, like or care about you.

Brizzy88,

If you expect people on this site to help you out, then perhaps you need to be respectful.

Please read the rules on how to rate a member.

Here are something's to realize about me:
1)I'm a home-body
2)I don't like parties
3)I tend to be one of the guys
4)I'm shy. Sad be true
5)As I don't like being embarrassed, I'll likely never openly come on to a guy
6)I get uncomfortable around intimacy...a lot.

So my question is:What's a girl to do?

You just answered your own question.

These are most likely reasons you haven't been kissed or dated.

You don't put yourself out there.

Perhaps you should start putting yourself out there. Go places, see people, go to the movies, the library, the park, church, any where, where you will meet nice people.

Strike up a conversation with people. Most importantly... be respectful of others.

I'm respectful but you have to earn it. I know how to rate someone and If the answer or comment is bad, then it will rated as bad. There's very few ways of doing that nicely. If me being honest about the fact that someone's answer was useless, won't get me any "help" then so be it.

You asked, What's a girl to do? It doesn't matter what "a girl" wants to do. What do YOU want to do?

Are you willing to change how you do things, how you communicate, how you interact with people?

I'm a home body, not a hermit. I've been to all those places many, many times. I do strike up conversations and yes, I am respectful. I'm not 12, I'm 22. Let me tell what has come from that... friends. Lots and lots of friends. That or weirdo's. I think I may just be too strong a personality. I'm not saying that your information isn't helpful, but it's something I already know. I'll ignore your 'respectful' themed comments (like I'm stupid or something) and just say thanks.

Brizzy,

If you know how to rate someone, then you would ALSO know that you only give reddies based off fact. Meaning that if the answer that was given is either incorrect or detrimental to someone's health. Or just all around BAD advice.

In your case, you rated someone based off your opinion. He was not wrong, nor was the advice bad in any way shape or form...

As time goes on, you will learn this.

Comment on Enigma1999's post

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I'm a home body, not a hermit. I've been to all those places many, many times. I do strike up conversations and yes, I am respectful. I'm not 12, I'm 22. Let me tell what has come from that... friends. Lots and lots of friends. That or weirdo's. I think I may just be too strong a personality. I'm not saying that your information isn't helpful, but it's something I already know. I'll ignore your 'respectful' themed comments (like I'm stupid or something) and just say thanks.

That! That right there is why you can't get a guy!

You are very rude. I don't want your "Thanks"..

It's not sincere. So don't waste your time by saying that.

You come on here asking for help, and to be honest, I believe that everyone has given good advice, including myself. We are here to help people out.

Like you... Respect is earned.

Of course, but think about it this way, if I do it the classic, lazy way and meet someone at a bar, they'll asome I drink and/or go to bars. I don't. If I meet them at a party, more then likely, they're party people. I'm not. So far, socially we have nothing in common. Sure I can try meeting someone in act the places I hang, but they tend to be more uptight, too young and too old. I'm not trying to be pessimistic but personally realistic. Maybe I should refraze what I'm really what to ask: I need some dating tips. Anybody know any good places to meet people?

Okay, without thinking, I posted that comment before I got around to completely spell checking it. Sorry.

Please scroll down a bit to use the Answer box (not the Comment box). That way we will be able to quote and respond to any of what you've typed. Also, you'll be able to edit your post.

If you were my client, we'd get right down to it and dive into CBT -- cognitive-behavioral therapy. Do you know how that works?

Speaking of clients, would you ever consider running some of this past a counselor, maybe for two or three sessions at least?

You know what, in truth, I don't care what you think. A review or rating is based of opinion. That's why there are so many different ones. There's little ways around it on a site like this and if you say rude, nasty stuff, it is generally bad advise. How does calling someone a "old cocker" when she is sincerely asking a question, rate as anything but? Really it doesn't even matter to me what you think about it cause it actually has nothing to do with you.
If I didn't mean the "thanks" I wouldn't put the time into writing it. As you like to put it, I'm rude, and as such why would a brother spilling words of gratitude if I don't mean it. This is the internet. I'm not obligated to act like I'm a nice person cause I don't you and don't personally care about you. Dude, if I cared that much about getting a guy, I would have done it when I was a teenager. It not hard to find guys that like me (that's where you are confused), it's hard for me to find guys I like.

I asked this question to get advise, not get talked down to. You go on and on about respect but you over look it yourself. I'm not stupid and if you talk rudely to me, I talk rudely you. Simple people interaction 101. That's all there is to it.

Hello again, B:

Do you know the meaning of the word "cocker"? You don't and you didn't bother to find out. You just assumed it was something bad. You know what people who assume are, don't you?

excon

Mkay...

I think it's time to close this thread.

Would someone please do the honors?

Wondergirl: I'll write this here cause I'm being considerate, but I have to wonder what you meant by that comment. I don't believe I need someone to tell me what's wrong with me. I already generally know. When people tell me something I already concluded, I lose interest. It's the way my personality is and It's likely not to change. I'm just a girl that knows herself well and as such, points out the facts about myself I know some won't understand or get along with.
Sorry if I sound rude. Apparently some people don't always get it when I'm just being blunt and truthful. I don't always like to move around the bush.
Yes, I do know what CBT is and how it works.

Wondergirl: I'll write this here cause I'm being considerate, but I have to wonder what you meant by that comment. I don't believe I need someone to tell me what's wrong with me.
First, thank you for using the Answer box. That makes it so much easier for me to respond to you.

Why on earth do you think my suggesting a counselor is so you can be told what's wrong with you? How did you ever get that notion?? That's not how it works!

Yes, I do know what CBT is and how it works.
In light of what you said above, I find it hard to believe you really understand CBT. Please tell me.

Well I'll be darned, I think you might have just gone in upped me there but wait, Here, where I live, calling anyone old anything, is rude. But that wasn't why I thought it was your response was useless. It didn't answer what she asked. She never said she was trying to control her sons life, she said she didn't like the girlfriend cause she was being disrespectful to her families beliefs. If you have a child that is dating someone disrespectful to you and your family, would you what that person around your family. Uh, no.

Sure, it's best not to try and impose yourself upon your kids and telling what they should do in their lifes but you have to let them know how you feel about it. If you see that this is really a racist, prejudiced, or mean person, will you not say anything because you kid is grown and know there own person? No. Your advice is good for overbearing, don't have a life moms. From what I read, she was not. Just concerned about what she believes may not turn out to be a positive relationship for her son or her family.
Now, as far as the old cocker comment goes, will I guess I'm sorry. Kind of. Misinterpreted what you wrote and confused it with something else. My bad. I can admit that, but it doesn't change my opinion.

In light of what you said above, I find it hard to believe you really understand CBT. Please tell me.


Maybe I'm wrong but I do believe it is to help me understand why I think and behave a certain way emotionally. To help me solve certain problems that I myself am have troubles reaching through, etc, etc. through talking, certain activities or tests. Like why I have feel uncomfortable around intimacy and stuff. It's therapy, basically.

Maybe I was wrong, maybe I wasn't, but in then end, I ask people to please be adults and get over it. One negative rating is not going to stop people from taking your advice. I saw your advice and interpreted it as not helpful. She, on the other had, may think otherwise. Whatever. Rotten tomato/ Dinner.

WG: In light of what you said above, I find it hard to believe you really understand CBT. Please tell me.

Maybe I'm wrong but I do believe it is to help me understand why I think and behave a certain way emotionally. To help me solve certain problems that I myself am have troubles reaching through, etc, etc. through talking, certain activities or tests. Like why I have feel uncomfortable around intimacy and stuff. It's therapy, basically.
It can be used like that. Yeah, that would be the therapeutic version. It can also be used in much more creative ways, ways that will help you much more concretely accomplish your goals. But then, you've never really told me (yet) what your goals are.

help me understand why I think and behave a certain way emotionally.
Actually, no, that's not what CBT is or does. "Why" isn't part of it; "how" is.