We were engaged and living together, but I had to move out as he was out of control with his anger and I broke off the engagement because of too many lies..
My ex cannot seem to stop lying, I discovered a few ways to check to see if he is telling the truth or not and he is not. Even little things he lies about, such as buying a new tshirt, why would I care if he bought a new tshirt? But he lies about it and makes up big stories to go along with it. Then bigger lies like booking holiday overseas for 5 days with his teenage son while I'm pregnant, not telling me and lying and covering it up (like I wouldn't find out)which I think is also to catch up with some of his mates that are also overseas at the same time, and he gets his son to lie about it to me too. Or the lies about not having drugs anymore. I don't think he has cheated on me, but who would know?
He has done a lot of changing in that he has control now over his temper and he is no longer verbally abusive, he has come a long way. My personality also started changing while I was living with him, I was becoming an angry person which was so unlike me, I started retaliating, and I was always on edge, I snooped a lot, which he knows I was very open about it and it was a running joke that I would constantly go through everything but I hated it, I hated that I trusted him so little that I had to check on him so much (still do a bit), and the worst is I always found what I was looking for, he was always lying.
But he is relentless in his pursuit of me and declares his love loudly, he arrives and my house in tears, he can't sleep or eat and I feel awful just awful, no one wants to hurt someone they love. But he lies so much, it just never stops. I want the dream that we had, and we could have it all really all of it, if he could just stop lying and be a decent honest man.. what's wrong with me that I love this man and struggle to leave him?

Am I supposed to stay with him and continue trying different things until we find the thing that works? My ex says that all the old couples that have made it through to have a long successful marriage stuck it out and worked things through, is this right? To this degree?

He promises me everything I want and I go back time and time again, he changes a bit but his lies continue.

I'm so worried as I'm pregnant and did not want to be a single mother at the age of 36, I don't want to be making a mistake by not continuing with the relationship but I don't want to be making a mistake by continuing to fool myself.

Can anyone help?

He lies, you snoop, you let yourself get pregnant, then you want to know what to do just before the baby's due... you may like it this way, right down to the tearful guy on your doorstep, madly in love with you. It's exciting and romantic and never a dull moment. You want the dream you had? A dream is only a dream, not something you ever had. You don't subtract one trait from someone so you can have the rest (e.g. if he were honest, would he be boring? Who knows? It's all hypothetical). You take the whole package or you leave. You never 'had to check on him' or 'hated what you were doing.' You are merely a party to the game. You do all that of your own free will.

You have a baby coming who needs responsible parents. Are you working? Is he? What is your %$#@&^(&%$ financial plan together? None of this 'he promises me everything I want' - you are in this together and need to sit down and write it all down.

If he won't, start planning how you can leave and take care of the baby now.

Until his words and action match, and you have regained trust in him, then you do nothing but have a healthy child, and worry about a relationship later. Make sure he KNOWS what you expect.

Whether he has changed, or NOT, whether you marry, or NOT, you are bound together as parents for a long time to come, so there is no hurry to make any decision about a relationship. The thing now is how you will parent, whether you are together, or not!

Why you would want to be with someone you don't trust is beyond me. My ex never trust me but it was own insecurities that were the cause of his mistrust not my actions. He interrogated everything I did or said to the point that I began questioning myself. In the beginning I always told him the truth about everything, but he was never satisfied with it. He would disect every single word until he came up with his own version of what he thought the truth really was. Finally since he didn't believe me anyway I figured what difference did it make what I told him, no matter what it was to him it was a lie.

Thank you joypulv, The baby is well loved, and will be well looked after, regardless of our relationship he is the father and I am prepared and very much looking forward to this new arrival. The baby will be fine.

Ouch I think I deserved that. I didn't want to write a novel, but needless to say the truth has never been a part of our relationship it just took a while for things to come out. I thought I could fix him. Thank you for your advice.

So very true. Ive felt pressured into making a decision, because of the impending birth and also because ex is pushing. It's time I stand back and breath and look forward to this little bundle of joy. Thank you for your assistance.

I would not expect this man to change. If he hasn't learned to stop lying by now at his age, I doubt that he ever will. Unfortuately, he will probably teach your child how to lie for him just like he has his other child.

Hopefully you will have moved on with your life, so your child will have the opportunity to know that you don't have to lie to achieve in life. Stop wasting your life by staying with this man.

Thank you for your sound advice. I'm moving on and hopefully getting stronger by the day. Focusing on looking forward to baby and going about the daily motions is about the best I can do for now.

Your welcome and I'm sorry if it was harsh, but the truth can be sometimes. I hope you now know that if you have to fix someone to be with them they probably aren't the right person for you.