All threads about this break up have been merged.


I was searching for similar questions on this site, and saw how nice everyone is on this site so I thought I'd as a question of my own. I will try to keep this as short as possible. I hope you read it. My ex boyfriend and I were together 1 yr 4 months off and on. To be truthful, it wasn't the best relationship. I had trust issues, and he had some anger issues and we both played off each other. I would instigate and so would he. When we first met, I thought I found the love of my life. I still believe this. Even though we had a lot of problems, I wanted to work on them. I just didn't know how.

He lived in Delaware and I in PA. He lost his job in Nov '09 (we would've been together 4 mths) that's when things really got bad. He wasn't looking for a job, and he ended up losing his apartment. My parents (I live with them) said he could stay with us, but it didn't work out and he moved back to Michigan with his dad. He's been there since April '10. We tried to make it work. He told me how much he wanted to marry me, to have a family, and how much he DID NOT want to be in Michigan. But he didn't want to move here with me until we could get our relationship back on track.

Needless to say, we couldn't. He broke up with me about 2 months ago. He blocke my phone number for about 3 weeks so I sent emails telling him how much I loved him and wanted to be with him. How he was the love of my life. He unblocked me and called me and said that he just doesn't believe that I love him. For 1 week, we were talking. But I got mad one day and finally said "look, u know if u want to be with me or not. go with ur gut". And he said "i dont want to be with u because i dont believe you love me". So I said something I shouldn't. I said there was someone else perfect for me. THIS WAS NOT TRUE. And I realize I shouldn't have said this, but I was trying to get a reaction from him.

After that, he blocked my number again for about 4 days. He unblocked me and told me to leave him the hell alone, he doesn't want me and dedicated eminems "25 to life" song to me. (not a good song). He was very mean. I sent one last email telling him I will give him what he wants and I will not contact him anymore. But that I will always love him and he can contact me anytime. I did not contact him for 3 weeks. And I didn't hear from him. But... I did call him yesterday and left a voicemail saying merry christmas and hope his holidays are good. I haven't heard back from him which I expected.

My question is... I have so much hurt in my heart its sometimes unbearable. What do you do when you KNOW that the man of dreams walked out of your life? He was, no exaggeration, my PERFECT man. But I couldn't see it while I was with him. And now, he obviously is over me and doesn't miss me. I know most people say just to move on, but how can I when I think he is the man I'm supposed to be with? Please help.

Try seeing him in person and talk. May be your cute face can change a lot. And be sure that its your last try.. ALL THE BEST!

I can't see him in person because he is in Michigan and I'm in pa. its about an 11 hr drive (I don't fly) and that's a long way to drive, especially if he'll just slam the door in my face.

Yes, you do need to let go and move on.

You can take steps to help yourself and though it isn't easy you will survive.

Get rid of every piece of contact information you have for him. Email addresses, phone numbers, FaceBook/MySpace/etc. Twitter, etc. If you have to make certain that you have defriended any of his friends whose pages you might be tempted to look at. It is called No Contact. It is for your healing and has no time limit.

Give yourself permission to let go and move on. Tell yourself that it is okay to let the past go.

Stop putting him on a pedestal. It sounds to me like you are allowing yourself to make him bigger than life. Remember the reality. Do not air brush the mental images to look better than they actually were. He had an anger problem and was as much to blame for the past as what you are trying to take credit for.

Right now, you seem to be clinging to what you wanted him to be instead of who he really is. Part of it, I would guess, is fear. Fear of going out and meeting new people. Fear of starting over. Fear of getting hurt again. Don't allow the fear to keep you from letting go of what seems like a safety line. Memories and fantasies are not stable enough support. Like a sugar sculpture, they tend to break when the smallest breeze hits them.

Give yourself things to do to occupy your mind and body that limit the amount of time you can spend dwelling on him. Hobbies (new and old), going out with friends, volunteer work, school, work, community classes, exercise, etc. are ways that you can get your life back. Make new friends.

When you find yourself thinking about him, change the subject. Get involved in something that takes your concentration.

Give yourself a chance to get over him. Keep coming back here and keep us updated. Ask questions about what you don't understand. We will give you all of the advice we can, but you will have to be willing to let go and trust our advice and yourself.

Try writing him a heart felt letter if you cannot go see him. However, I think you need to allow him to get his self together. Find a job, be settled again basically. Not sure where all the 'you don't love me' came from but for the reasons he went back to Michigan, I say allow him time and space to get his self together.

Stop stop stop.
He is not the man of your dreams, just the man IN your dreams. He isn't perfect until he's far way. You're in love with a memory that never happened until he left. Get rid of this all-or-nothing notion of love torment and realize that love is a whole bunch of almost daily compromises that can be really annoying at times but worth the advantages overall - the comfort of knowing each other's good and bad traits and accepting them and enjoying what you can.
Every watch any of those marriage sitcoms? They fight, they tease, they gripe and make up and sort it all out somehow (of course with lots of good joke writers, don't we all wish) rather than moon romantically over each other. Move past the romantic stage.

Yes the man of your dreams does not "walk out" and no person is perfect, you have unrealistic ideas about them to start.

I am sure there was issues, there are no knights on white horses and as joypulv said, love is learning to work on things you hate about another person on a daily basis. Ok maybe not hate, but things that you argue about,

If you don't fight and aruge over some things I would serously worrry about your relatoinship

I feel the same thing.. thinking that its just part of what you need to go through and that after all these he'll be back.. begging to be his again.. only time can reveal if they are meant for us.. and while waiting for the answer we can just have fun w/ our friends and the people we love and do the things that we might have forgotten doing because we we're so focused w/ the pain that we have right now.. lets love ourself more.. buy new clothes and re-invent ourselves.. lets show them what their losing.. :-(:-)

I agree that a lot of what I'm feeling is fear. I don't want to have to go through the process of dating again and knowing which guy is trustworthy. And yes, he did contribute a lot to the break up as well. But I still take most of the blame.

I did write a heartfelt email 3 weeks ago when he told me to leave him alone. That was my "goodbye" letter I guess you could say.I think he is happier without me and I think that's what hurts the most too.

I do realize that love is about compromising. And we did, but not often because he was always right and so was I. He used to call me princess, gorgeous and beautiful all the time, I just never believed that someone could ever feel that way about me.

I try to think that too. If its meant to be, it will be. I've been trying to work on myself, its hard when EVERYTHING reminds me of him. I know that only time will tell if he misses me and if he'll come back and its tearing me apart.

Hi everyone. I posted a question about my ex the other day and one of the girls who repsonded said to keep them updated. And although this was just yesterday, I have been feeling different. Yesterday, I was starting to think about all the things that I didn't like about my ex rather than what I did like. He had some amazing qualities that I loved and think will be hard to find in someone new, but... he also had some bad qualities (as we all have). I had trouble trusting him, and didn't know why because he didn't really do anything. But, looking back, he DID do things. He would do subtle things that would put insecurities in my head. For example, I always accused him of wanting someone skinnier (I've been called "thick". I'm very curvy, but not fat). Anyway, when we first got together, he would make fun of fat people all the time. It bothered me that he did this because my mom is overweight and I don't think people should be judged by how much they weigh. But, I didn't think too much about it.

Now however, I realize that those comments probably was the reason why I started questioning whether I was good enough for him. Also, he told me he used to be friends with a girl and he said that she was the most beautiful girl in the world. HE TOLD ME THIS AND I WAS HIS GIRLFRIEND!! What for person would say such a thing?! We got in a big fight and he tried to back pedal out of it, but I never forgot it. So, that's another reason why I think I started accusing him of not wanting to be with me and not believing him when he said I was beautiful.

Anyway... there are many other things. But I guess what I'm saying is I think I've finally taken him off the pedistal that I put him on and realize that he is the reason things started going down hill with us , but I was the reason it kept going. I do miss him, and still have love for him, but he isn't my perfect guy. My question is... should I start looking for a new relationship? Or, because I still miss him, should I wait? Thanks everyone for reading!

Well no one is perfect and nor is there sense of humor.
Im sure there's plenty of things he may or may not like about you as well.
But that is love my friend you have to compromise give up flaws about him as he
Would have to do for you as well.
Also there are guys out there with more respect not to say things like that about
Girls to his own girl friend. If he can't control his mouth you should question weather he would be able to control another body part of his.
I say give it some time confront him on these flaws and if it does not proceed to where you see if should be going, then it would be in your best interest to begin a new chapter in your life.
From reading what you wrote it does not seem he is as crazy about you as you are about him.
I ask yourself if he goes out your way to see you or do things for you.
Or is it you who are going to see him and making the plans.
Its very important to see if he is because you need to know weather he feels for you and its not you who is doing everything.
Good luck.

Hi everyone. I just texted my ex yesterday and said "im sorry for contacting you when i said i wouldnt, but i just wanted to know if there was any chance of us working things out before i move on". And he said "no chance" so I said "ok thanks". A few hours later I texted "you will always have a place in my heart. i love you" and got no response. I expected him to say no chance since he hasn't been contacting me but it still hurt like hell.

I'm trying to find success stories of exes coming back to you, or you going back to them after months or years with no contact with each other. Especially if they once said there was no chance. Things I'd like to know is, how long did it take, did you guys have communication during the break up. Also, my ex lives in another state so there is no way for him to see that I'm moving on, or that I'm happy or anything like that which complicates things. So please, any stories you have like this would really lift my spirits up.

Every couple is different. So even if others had success stories, it might not be your case.

There's always a possibility of getting back together in the future, but holding out hope is setting yourself up for disappointment.

Instead of worrying about whether you have a future together, I suggest that you focus on recovering from your pains. Once you've recovered, you can view this break up more objectively and you may see things differently.

There's a chance that anything could happen, but it's unlikely that it would ever work out.

You need to stop texting him altogether and find someone who truly wants to be with you, as this guy has made it clear that he doesn't.

Asking someone for forgiveness is a daring activity indeed and I'd like to appreciate you for this. Is he engaged/committed to someone or still single. If not, After break up you contacted him first it's a good sign. Time always changes. But if he is committed or engaged with someone else, just let him go, busy yourself in your favorite activities and get some new friends. They will not remind your past, until you share. Good Luck.

If he's not a brash then he's a honest guy who never try to impress you with fake respect of your mother because she's your mother. He's telling about his ex in front of you may be it means he don't want to hide anything about himself. Why you don't think this way. We all are not 10/10. Love is so beautiful but only when you have faith in it. Give him space to open up completely may be then only you can understand him and his nature properly. Then decide what to do. Good Luck. :)

Another merged thread about the ex

Hey everyone!! So, I'm still kind of missing my ex a little. He was very very sure of himself that I would never hear from him again and that we will never be together again. I'm okay with that (now). I've accepted it. However, I have this strong suspicion that he called me last week from a private number.

So here's the question (as stated above)... have any of you had a similar situation in which after the break up, you thought 100% that you would NEVER EVER hear from your ex again, only to have them contact you somewhere down the road (I'm sure it was a huge surprise)? If so, how long was it till you heard from them?

I got so sick and tired of hoping my ex would call, and take me back, that I just got tired of waiting, and tired of being miserable, and went out and rebuilt a life that I was happy with, and when I did see her years later, I said hi, she said hi, and we kept going about our business.

My point, when you get sick and tired of being miserable, you will do something to change it.

Its okay to be hurt and sad though, but its unhealthy to have false hope that they come back to you. What if that number was just a wrong number, but it made you think of the ex? Have you noticed that all your replies to your question are about moving on, and stop having false hope of him returning to you? That's why your threads were merged by the way.

Look break ups suck, all the time for all of us, yet over time we move on. You just need more time, and we all understand that. But you don't have to bombard us with the same question, because while anything is possible, the chances are slim as you are finding out with your questions the last few months. Exes seldom come back. And when they do, usually we have ourselves changed so much, and gotten so over them we no longer want them back.

Especially when we are so much happier than when we were with them before. I think you will get to that point eventually, in time, with some hard work, and effort.

Exes are exes for a reason,very often a good one-the two of you couldn't make a go of it as a couple.

Time to stop worrying about private number hang-ups and get on with YOUR life.

I got tired of waiting for him to contact me during the relationship. Why spend any more time waiting for him after it ended?

Why wait for an ex, when I have my own life? I highly doubt he held his breath waiting for me to contact him.

When are you going to decide to live your life on your own schedule instead of his?

Exes are exes for a reason,very often a good one-the two of you couldn't make a go of it as a couple.

Time to stop worrying about private number hang-ups and get on with YOUR life.

Haha I was scrolling down through all the answers with that one line in my head ready to type, exes are exes for a reason, you took the words right out of my head!