My husband and I have been together for almost three years now. He has a lot of old friends but there is one that I believe he is too friendly with. She's married but not happily so he seems to think that he has to make her feel better. He flatters her and calls her names like "foxy" and I think he's a little too physical with her. He thinks I'm just jealous. We went to the movies and he sat between us, holding my hand and stroking it affectionately on his right and doing the same to her on his left. We got in the hot tub and he's massaging her feet and I couldn't always tell what his hands were doing under the water but she was near. We were in the car on the way to a banquet and when he reaches behind me in the front seat to lay his hand on her leg in the back seat. There were many other times I thought I was seeing something but was unsure. I was looking for a gift for her when he told me, "Don't you worry about _____. I'll take care of her." Am I being unreasonable for never wanting to be around her again?

You are not being unreasonable AT ALL! I would be furious if my husband were doing this to another woman and I don't care how close of friends they are!

Sounds to me like there is some sort of extra curricular activity going on between the two of them.

It's time to sit your husband down and tell him that you will NOT stand for this activity any longer. Put your foot down and under no uncertain terms will you accept anything other than an end to this affair of his.

I guess why is she going to the movies with the two of you

And why is she in the hot tub with the two of you.

So stop it, don't let her in your home again.

I agree with the posters above me! If my wife was doing this, an unhappy marriage is the last thing this "guy" would need to worry about!

She's married in name only if she spends so much time being a fifth wheel with you two.
I'd sit them down together and calmly say it ends now. They are both getting titillation out of this and where does that leave you?
You could call hubby's bluff. Bring home some wayward guy whose wife doesn't understand him.

At what point is touching a woman no longer appropriate for just friends?

When the wife says so! Start saying so!!

Comment on Fr_Chuck's post

I really appreciate input! I think I'm losing my mind with this.. . Thinking that maybe I AM just too jealous. You really reassure me, Thank you!

Comment on joypulv's post

Funny idea but he is so totally lacking in jealousy and possessiveness that you'd think he doesn't love me but I know he does. He's just not like that and expects me to be too.

Comment on ITstudent2006's post

Thank you, it's great getting a man's input on this!

Comment on talaniman's post

For two weeks I have slept fitfully worrying over this! Thank you so much for reassuring me!

I really don't believe there's more to it and that's what makes it so hard to confront him with it. But I do appreciate your advice so much and will see it end--whatever it is. Thank you!

Jimsdarling,

It should never had started, let alone continue.

If I were to reach for a woman inappropriately, there would be a bloody stump where the appendage had been!

Comment on J_9's post

I really don't believe there's more to it and that's what makes it so hard to confront him with it. But I do appreciate your advice so much and will see it end--whatever it is. Thank you!

Jimsdarling,

Affairs don't have to be physical/sexual in nature. Emotional affairs happen all the time.

I may be going against the flow, but I don't think an ultimatum would be a good idea. Are you prepared to follow through with any conditions that you set. I can see 'banning' her causing an escalation in their relationship. There is a very good chance that he could start 'seeing' her behind your back and lying to you about it.

I think you need to sit down with your husband and discuss how his wanting to help her is affecting his own marriage. Be blunt but don't allow it to devolve into a fight. If either of you get defensive about how you feel on the subject, it could cause even more problems.

Explain to him that it is not jealousy on your part. It is understanding that as long as she is playing games with the two of you she is not handling her own problems in her own marriage. He is acting like a crutch and enabling her to 'runaway' from her issues. It isn't healthy for her or either of you to allow it.

If he really wants to help her, he will encourage her to look into marriage counseling and working with her husband to make their marriage stronger. Perhaps give her a card with a list of marriage counselors' numbers/websites.

A new year is about to begin. Talk to your husband about working to strengthen your marriage.

He puts his hand on her leg? He sits between you and strokes her hand, and he massages her feet in the hot tub?

I say damn the torpedoes! The next time she is part of an outing and she does something, for heaven's sake, speak up. Tell your husband to keep his hands to himself, and tell her to keep her feet to herself, and their behaviour is totally inappropriate and makes you uncomfortable!

If you keep pussyfooting around this will continue, and they will feel quite comfortable keeping up the touchy feely stuff.

If you remain 'blind' to this and don't speak up, it won't stop.

I wouldn't give him an ultimatum either. I would sit him down and tell him how uneasy it makes you feel. I would explain to him that a relationship is between 2 people, not 3 and that you miss your alone time with him. That he may not feel that touching her is wrong, but it may be giving HER the wrong idea. That it doesn't look godd in public and that you do not like it. That you love him and think that if he wants to "help" her, there are other ways. More that are appropriate. I hope this helps. Has he always been this way? Or just with her?