This is a long story but I'll make it as short as possible.

So my ex-girlfriend Jenna were together for 3 years. On and off - we both had stages where we questioned our relationship and tried things with other people. But we always came back to each other in the end, we couldn't be apart for more than 2 months.

But she found a new girl - a workmate who she's completely fallen for, Sarah. Thing is, she had a girlfriend, too, Cassidy.

Jenna and I were still together when her and Sarah started their little fling. I was okay with it because I was unaware of how serious it was. But of course they got closer and closer, and Jenna told me that Sarah made her happier than I could, and made her feel like I've never made her feel before. So we broke up, so did Sarah and Cass.

Blah blah blah that was 4 months ago, Jenna and Sarah were spending every day together etc, Jenna still talked to me at times and came over when she needed something. Sarah still loved Cass so they got back together on the condition that Sarah stopped talking to Jenna. They did and so Jenna came back to me for sympathy and comfort, but she's still not over Sarah. (Jenna, Sarah, Cassidy and I all work together, adds to the awkwardness)

So this is the stage I'm at right now.

Jenna and I are two singles, I love Jenna and she claims to love me too (sometimes) but she's honest when she says she misses the time she spent with Sarah and she still has feelings for her.
Sarah and Cass are together, they live together and all so it's quite serious, but Sarah tells Jenna that she misses her too.

Jenna ignores me most of the time unless she wants something or needs I don't know something sexual (tmi) despite all my efforts to get closer to her again, but still says she loves me, but can't be with me because of the feelings she still has for Sarah.

Also earlier today I got a bit nosey so I looked through her phone, just to see if she'd been talking to Sarah lately. She hadn't, but she'd been talking to someone else about her. Saying that she doesn't miss me but she misses Sarah a whole heap and that the time she spent with her was the best of her life.


I'm sure I'm missing out a whole bunch of things.

I guess it's obvious that I should forget about her, I know I should... So I guess I just need confirmation or advice on how to do it.
I've spent the last 3 years depending on her and now that she's not here for me it couldn't really get harder.

Sorry for the big rant but please help if you can, I'm sick of being so upset about everything all the time ):

I'm sorry that you are in the place of being good enough when things go bad, but not good enough to be #1.

We all make choices, and we have to live with the consequences. If things had been not going very well, Jenna could have tried harder to keep her relationship healthy, by communicating with you, maybe attend couples counselling, etc. But, that the two of you agreed to allow a more open relationship with others, that came with the consequence that she could develop a serious relationship with someone else. Essentially, you both agreed to take that risk.

It sounds like Jenna is not fully committed to anyone, and keeps coming back, because you allow her to. When her relationships fail, you are there for her, until she gets herself together, and all the while knowing she is not fully committed to you. She is using you, and you are letting her.

Without boundaries, common goals, and commitment, no relationship can survive when one partner does all the giving, and the other does all the taking.

If what you want is a partner that you can trust, rely upon, and build a solid future with, it is time to take a good long look at whether Jenna is the one. If you want to settle for being the rebound while she persues other relationships, be prepared for more heartache.

And as to your question, "Should I forget about her", my opinion is, yes. You can do much better than being in second place with Jenna.

My rule: you can't do this alone. You need OTHER friends, whose job it is to convince you to be angry, indignant, and better than this (no matter how nice the object of your affections is). You are being used, right? She keeps coming back to you when she needs something. Either put up with it or gather friends around and say HELP. The unspoken rule of friends is that you will do the same for them when they need it.

Confirmation of what you already know: Jenna is using you and you need to let go.

I understand that working together means that you can't completely break off contact with her, but it doesn't mean you have to be anything more than professional and polite during working hours. DO NOT have any personal contact with her than you absolutely have to.

The best way to stop being upset is to give yourself permission to let go. You don't owe her anything. You aren't her bank, companion animal, 'personal' toy, etc. You aren't betraying the time and emotions that you put into the relationship. You aren't walking away from anything that can fixed. It was broken when she decided to play games while still involved with you and it sounds like she has been busy smashing the bits and pieces. Stop picking them up for her and leave her to clean up her own mess.

Each person has to find what works for them when it comes to moving forward. For some, exercise/joining a gym helps. New hobbies, volunteering, getting in touch with old friends, etc. are other ways to get your mind and body moving in a forward direction. Generally, keeping yourself busy, mind and body, will allow less time to be tempted to get in touch or think about the past.

Good luck and remember to take care of yourself.