Log in

View Full Version : I think I ruined my relationship with my best friend


Dark but not Heartless
Jan 10, 2007, 05:27 PM
Before I begin, I would like to note that this is my first question that I put on this website, so I didn't know how long to make it. Its actually frighteningly long, but bear with me, I wanted to include every detail to get the best response possible. Thank you.

-----------------------

OK, so here's how it went down:

On christmas day, I got an email from my best friend saying he had fallen in love. He had known this girl a while and they had gone out before, but had broken up. Then on christmas eve they kissed, and were both madly in love with each other. They even made their myspace profiles almost identical.

So about a week after he told me I got an email from this girl (who I had already met). She said she wasn't sure about this relationship because my friend is moving to a faraway state soon and they she doesn't want to get to attached to him because that would make it a lot harder to say goodbye. I told her that if the 2 of them really loved each other as much as they say they do, then they would still be together emotionally and spiritually even when they're 2,000 miles apart.

Unfortunately, there is someone else who has a role in this little soap opera. My friend's cousin (who is our age). She has a deep hatred of this girl he is dating, and would get a kick out of them being permanently separated. My friend and his cousin used to be tight. Like, really, REALLY close, emotionally. But not in a romantic way. They would talk all night on the phone, even when he was at my house. Then they had a fight about 2 months ago. Now they're talking, but not as close as before. And the cousin has gotten pretty mean. I don't know if she is mean to him, but she was real why to me recently.

My friend girl complained about her in her message, along with her feelings of loss at his move to another state. I told her not to tell him just yet, that I would talk to him about it first, because he is VERY temperamental. And I didn't want her to get hurt.

The next day, before I could talk to him, he sent me a message. And he was pissed. See, he used to be suicidal, due to a very bad childhood. And he had previously told me that if she broke his heart, he would revert back to that stage, only on a much worse level. Which would basically mean killing himself.

Well, in this message, he showed me a message that his girl had sent him explaining her feelings. The exact thing I told her NOT to do. When I asked her about it later, she didn't tell me. But I did find out that he knew I had been talking to her behind his back, which made him angry. Then I found out that he had her password and was monitoring her email. That made me mad. Because I learned about that kind of stuff in health class, when we were learning about "abusive relationships". I never thought the best friend I had kept for 9 years would sink so low. And in my state of fury, I scolded him about it, using some language that I now regret.

So basically, I went behind his back, broke his trust, insulted him, and advised his "true love" to leave him. I can't imagine what he's going to do to me when he finds out.

MISSIBAYBE
Jan 11, 2007, 12:35 PM
Wow that was long. Okay, first of all, I know you're trying to protect your friend and all but honestly, this girl should've talked to him about her doubts in the relationship instead of coming to you. Cause now you've pissed your best friend off. Sure it's innocent the talk you both had but your friend sounds like he needs help and is probably thinking the worst (like you want the woman of his life.) Your friend should seek some professional help. As for his relationship, let him deal with it now. He knows how she feels and this is where they need to communicate rationally. All you can do is defend yourself and help him see how he's acting, and how wrong it is to spy on his girl. Make it a point to let him know, you were only looking out for the both of them, especially since you know your friends tempermant.