I'm so weird. I have a girlfriend who has two kids. They come from a previous marriage and she was young when she had them. She is also very young now. I met her and fell wildly in love with her and also the kids. I practically took the role of the dad and I loved it.

The father was an ***. Didn't see them often or at all for a while. Then he came back. SHe has a weird history with him... as in, they went back and forth forever. Constantly getting back together and apart. She also has a high school boyfriend she has been in love with forever. (We were friends first so I unfortunately heard way too much about it.) She has talked to the boyfriend a couple of times. Behind my back sometimes. Then when I found out she contacted him I tried to be OK with it but as she kept talking to him I started losing it. Constantly wondering thinking and driving myself nuts. She stopped, although it was mostly his disinterest that made their friendship go away.

Her ex is insane. He holds money hostage, he calls at all times of the night, he picks up the kids rarely and if he knows I am with her, he brings them back right away. He was like that at first. At a very early time in the relationship she slept over at his place... Don't talk to me about that. I have already explained to myself that nothing happened.

She also has girlfriends who all have kids, husbands and boyfriends... She likes to go clubbing with them. Many times she came back at around 5 am or so... That started to drive me nuts.

She also constantly tries to make me jealous... At first I was cool but after all this, she succeeded. I am a wreck. I love the kids. I can't get enough of them. Same with her. It actually hurts me when they go with their dad. It's been two years, I am losing it. I don't like being this way. I am becoming a terror. I am being possessive and controlling. Not in a terribly abusive way... basically I just pout when she does stuff and I get angry. Don't misunderstand, she has stopped going out so often. She has tried to make me feel more comfortable. But I am still a nut-job. She goes to school, or to a friends house or to drop off her kids with the psycho ex and I just want to swallow a bullet.I don't tell her. Sometimes I have to because she wonders why I am so pissy or hurt. The truth is I hate that the kids see the dad. But I take it, even though he poisons them against me. I am just having a lot of trouble with this.

We are on a bit of a break and I haven't slept in a month. I do not want to lose her but I do not want to live on the brink of suicide every time she leaves the house. What the hell do I do? How do I figure this out. I am very "Passionate" I guess. I can hate as hard as I can love. I am afraid of losing the kids, I am afraid of losing her and I am afraid that with my behavior I am losing that already.

I am only 23 she is 21. I don't know what to do. I feel horrible, almost all the time. I feel bad when she feels bad because of my insecurities but I can't seem to mask them well enough. I don't know which part of this is legitimate, what I should do and how I should behave... I'm seriously out of ideas.

She isn't going to stop making you jealous and enjoying it until the day you really snap, then she's going to ditch you.
You are playing right into all of this. You are both young. You aren't married. Her kids' father is in the picture as is his right. Her oldest boyfriend is around. She clubs while you babysit. She has none of the lonely stuck-at-home problems that most single mothers have. She's good at working all the men in her life. She's got it good.
There's absolutely nothing you can do about HER, because you aren't married and the kids aren't yours and because you can't put your foot down about anything - drugs, alcohol, destructive behavior.
That leaves you. You have to decide if you want this or not. If your possessiveness that started as plain old 'love' hasn't turned into something warped, a 'I can't leave you until you tell me why you don't love me' routine. Granted there's the kids who you love very simply, but you may have to face that fact that you have to walk away.

I agree with Joy. She has become accustomed to having a live-in boyfriend, who is kind and decent to her and her children, but not one she loves enough to fully committ to.

In other words, she wants her cake and eat it too, and you are allowing this relationship to carry on as it is, because you care too much, and have not set any healthy boundaries.

You sound more like a big brother than a serious boyfriend.

My advice to you, is to move out. At least long enough for you to see how badly this one-sided relationship is affecting you physically, and emotionally. Regain yourself, your confidence, and yourself esteem. The shape you are in now, is not healthy for you, or for her children.

As long as you make a choice to stay where you are, and continue to allow yourself to be used and abused, you will not affect any change with her.

While she makes small concessions now, it is only to keep you in the picture. I presume that you are very active with the kids, the running of the household, helping out with bills, etc. You accept these burdens, and in my opinion, are blinded by them as well.

You can maintain your distance, and at the same time, allow enough space between you and her, to work on a relationship. Being objective and realistic and honest with yourself, will allow you a better perspective, not based on emotion, hope and false promises.

Disappear from her life, or drown in your own S(crap)T!!

Why are you making her your world, while you are but an option to her, and a baby sitter?? A free one at that!