I meet this guy in a professional capacity and felt we initially had a good rapport, talked for hours professionally and personally in our first meet, second time was via t/c and that too was a brief but pleasant hello from him. Second face to face was cool but initially felt a bit odd, as by this time I was now developing a like towards him and wanted to know him more, however I may have come across as abrupt or rude as I had other things on my mind that day. (meeting was good, but I had to leave and now believe my body language suggested I was in a hurry and possibly translated as unfriendly).

In between the first and second meet, we would email professionally, however I would add pleasantries, but noticed his replies were purely business, no response to my niceties) The email after our second meet I may have sounded a tad abrupt when dealing with a business matter and noticed he did not respond for a little while, so my reply to his noted that it may have translated sharply, but he did not respond. When we next spoke on the phone I acknowledged my abruptness again and stated why I had responded in that manner.

Anyway, I cannot help but notice gradually he seems to have developed a dislike towards me, for example, when we next met, I noticed his initial acknowledgement of me was OK, however when he got closer he literally avoided eye contact (I thought this was most weird, but ignored it) during the meet I made a few jokes and he laughed and basically acted normally (good rapport), emails after this I noticed he did add pleasantries and as you can imagine I homed in on it as it was the first time he had done so, however when I responded more friendlier, I noticed he did not reply and just awaited my email regarding business. Today, I informed him of a pending move and suggested we stay in touch, his response was OK where you going, good luck and left his work number (I got the message, he's not interested) He later calls as someone had asked him to call me for something and when I get the phone, his tone is less than welcoming, (imagine having to call someone you really don't want to talk to, that was his tone)


I don't get it! I understand and can deal with a blow off, but why is he behaving like this? Am I reading too much into it as I like him, yes, but Im also looking at it from a point of someone who initially seemed to like me, as least a co-worker, and now behaves like I have offended him in the worst way!

What do you make of this?

Only he knows, of course, but I'm getting a sense that you went to a different level with some assumptions. It's quite possible in the workplace to be quite friendly, even personal, without intentions of proceeding past that. It's good for the job and it makes the job more pleasant.

Something about the way you write is mechanical, summarizing each encounter in terms of rapport and a pleasantries evaluation, almost as if it's a work progress report for a relationship. It's a little off-putting, sorry.

Being abrupt, having to hang up, etc. is not meaningful in business; it's routine and shouldn't even be noted or worried about.

Personal relationships are delicate, unpredictable, and have to be felt out in almost unlimited nuances as they develop. Yes, I think you drove a good thing away. Back off and breathe and wait.

If your friendly overtures were not well received, keep it strictly business, and stop the wondering about it. If he were interested he would be a lot more receptive, or he doesn't mess with co workers, or has someone he doesn't want to cheat on. Or he is just a sourpuss! You could always just ask, and save the presuming and assuming.

Adjust you behavior accordingly.

Merry Christmas and thank you both for responding :o)

@Joypulv, my post may read 'mechanical' because I no longer wish to express any emotion into the situation, (I'm too long in the tooth to devote much more energy into a man that is clearly not interested in me; been there, done that!) What I wanted to do was present the facts, without clouding the post with my emotions. I am in total agreement that pleasentaries is good for business and do feel I expected the same back becauase I liked him in that way :o/.

@ Talaniman, again, I totally agree with you too, take no offence and see it for what it is! If he were interested I would hae known by now.

I should also add though, I read back on the email and his work number appears on all of his emails not just his initial one and his reply to my 'keep in touch' was a definitely keep in touch. However, I have decided I'm done with this, strictly business from now.

One again, thank you both for responding and HNY :o)