My ex and I broke up over 8 months ago. We had a very interesting relationship of off again on again episodes for almost 6 years. The thing is, the day of our first date I honestly believed that this girl was the one. Due to stupid mistakes I spent a good portion of those 6 six years chasing her and trying to win her over. During those 6 year of off again on again, as soon as everything in the relationship was great she would push me away and find a reason to run. Of course I would chase her and try to get her back. Finally after many years of trying to win her over she finally gave in and unexpectedly asked me out. For the first time in 6 years we were actually in a serious relationship for more than 6 months. 18 months ago I opened a business for a few reasons. The primary reasons were to, of course pursue my dream, to have a working schedule that would provide me the freedom to spend a great deal of time with my lady and to provide me with the financial means to take care of my lady... Unfortunately opening my business turned into a nightmare. The stress and pressure of trying to keep my business afloat was unreal. Everyday I was dealing with some financial issue... my credit cards were maxed, I owed over $90,000 to friends and family, I owed the government money and I was at risk of losing my house. This pressure put me into a depression and I became a very unpleasant person. I began lying to her about stupid little things, I would over react and get aggressive (not violent but lose my temper), I would make up excuses so I wouldn't have to spend time with her so I could be alone, I started chewing (chewing tobacco) and smoking pot to relax... the list goes on and on. She is a very strong minded woman with trust issues, but I ****ed up. We broke up because I did something I promised I wouldn't do (I didn't cheat on her if that's what your thinking). What I did was work with an old client that I dated before I ever met my ex because I needed the business but I didn't tell my ex about it and of course she found out. For the first month after we broke up I was happy and relieved. The second month was hard but I believed our break up was for the best and felt that she was better off without me. The third month I couldn't take it anymore and begged her to give me another chance. She told me that she had moved on and the only reason she even took my call was give me closure. After that I convinced myself that "it wasn't meant to be" and that "because she didn't understand what I was going through" I was better off without her. After that I obsessed over my business in order to get my business back on track working 16hrs/day, 7 days a week. One day I couldn't even get out of bed I was so exhausted and depressed... the next day I woke up with a completely different attitude. I was tired of feeling sorry for myself. I was tired of being broke. I was tired of having no life. I was tired of working so much. I was tired of everything. From that day on I've completely changed my attitude towards my life and my business. I've spent that last 4 months getting in touch with myself. I've learnt how to meditate (hard at fist but after about 2 weeks becomes much easier) which has helped me take control of my thought and allowed me to become more productive and maintain a positive attitude no matter what. I've learnt how to become more productive at work so I don't have to spend 16hrs/ day working. I could go on and on but I won't. Basically I feel in the last 2 month I've done a complete 180 degree turn. The thing is, as I've straightened my life out over the last 2 months I've been thinking about my ex more and more. I'm now at a point that I can't stop thinking about her. It's not obsessive thoughts, but every day I think about her. I miss her very much and wish she was back in my life. I spent almost 6 years chasing this girl because I believed in my heart she was the one, and in a very short time I ruined everything. I'm sorry for the long novel of my life... but I'm hoping to get some advice. Am I just crazy to want her back? Is there any chance that I could ever get her back? Should I just accept the fact that it's over and try to move on? Any suggestions and feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Well it depends on what she is like and her way of thinking, your crossed a trust line by doing the one things she asked you not to & then not telling her you did. 99% of girls just want the truth its how they deal with it with the way they find out is what scares guys. She was hurt and felt left out no doubt so make her feel like she is part of it all tell her the main things *and important things about your work, find out how she is doing etc and no you not crazy for wanting her back if it's the way you feel and it feels a little *CRAZY* that's genrally a good indication to follow your feelings !

Are you crazy to want her back? No.
Is there a chance? There's no way strangers online could possibly know. We don't know where she is, who she's with, what she's thinking. As long as she's alive there's a chance, albeit a slim one statistically. And telling you she had moved on and only took your call to give you closure is a pretty good sign that it really and truly is over. She's not even afraid of the possibility that she will waver.

Meditating is great but so is paying back the money you borrowed - have you done that? Obligations first, agonizing over old loves second.

When you do have all debts paid off and your life in order for at least a year, write her a note. Apologize (with NO excuses). Say what you have done since she left. Tell her you will always be sorry. Say nothing about wanting her back. If she ever decides that her life isn't so great, who knows.

Are you saying that, if it weren't for the business you started, she would still be with you? That you were a completely different person under the pressures you described, than how you were prior to the difficulty with the new business?

If all these behaviours were uncharacteristic in other words, it would seem to me that, had she stayed, you would have regained your 'old' self, much the same way as you have now? Why did she think things would not change.

But if what she saw became the 'normal' you, how was she to know that this wasn't who the real you, was. You didn't change until after she left.

It's all wonderful that you started taking care of yourself, and learned ways to cope will stress and pressure, but before that, there must have been opportunities for you to do that as well. Why you didn't or couldn't see that you were driving her away, is why I say that perhaps that was not the first time, that she saw that side of you, and decided that she couldn't cope.

During the years that you pursued her, and the on again, off again relationship, I am wondering if this is just not another example of why she ran. If she has seen this pattern of behaviour before, and has, once again, why would you think that she just wouldn't push you away as you said, and run.

I would say that there is probably a lot of history with a repeated pattern here, otherwise, she would have stayed with you long before the business venture even started. So, is it really fair to say that her leaving was a direct result of the new business and all its problems, or is it more that history kept repeating itself, over six years.

If you had been as determined to win her over as you said you were, over six years, I think you would have invested more time and effort in your relationship, rather than essentially abandon it, when a greater challenge was on the horizon.

No you are not crazy, but you do seem to have many emotions running through you. First priority is to live with the hand you have been dealt, and make the most of it, and that means making a life you are happy with without her in it.

Keep working on yourself, and maybe in the future you will be solid in yourself, and your personal life, that you can decide what to do next.

For now, handle what's on your plate, and don't worry about the past, just the present, and be ready for whatever the future brings because, you never know, she may come back in your life, or something better may show up. Regardless be happy, and healthy to deal with it.

Talaniman, good advice you gave about living with the hand we're dealt. I was with my ex for 9 years and it was always good. Then one day he said "I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore", ouch! He is 58! Love is blind and I knew all along he was a bit of a player but hoped it would stop.
He left two years ago and I still feel the pain today, especially on holidays. He married and it lasted 3 months, then he started calling me. He missed me, he wanted me to come home, but I could sense in his voice that he has no clue what he wants and probably never will? He'd come close and pull away. I had to cut contact completely. It's just too painful.
Bella