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View Full Version : What did I do?


Kirsty36
Jan 9, 2007, 06:57 PM
In my second marriage now for 4 years. I have 2 step children that live on their own and whom I love like my own. My husband on the other hand has a problem with my 16 year old son. He doesn't even try to except him. My son has done nothing wrong, gets good grades, doesn't get into trouble and he has a job after school. We are always arguing about this, it usually ends up where my husband goes to a bar. I love my husband, but I will not stay in a relationship where my child is not excepted and made to feel like he's not wanted.
What should I do?

KMSRyana
Jan 9, 2007, 07:11 PM
Your husband is probably threatened by your son. Why, is the tougher part. It could be that he wants to have you all to himself and your son being around doesn't allow that. It could be that he's a reminder that you were previously married and that secretly he doesn't like it. (That's sweet in some ways, but very male in nature.) It could be that your son reminds him of someone he doesn't like ( an old boss, someone at the bar he runs to, or someone who "stole" his high school sweetheart). It could be anything and finding the root of "Why" may never be possible.

A solution. That's tough too, but much easier than the "why". Do they have anything in common? Maybe get them to go to a few ballgames together. Ask your husband to take your son fishing or camping. Something where you can stay out of it and they can get to know each other and become friends. The key is getting your husband to open up to your son in a setting where he can do so without losing "face". To do that, you can't be there, or he'll stick to his guns and not come out of his shell.

I hope this helps some. I'm sure others here will give you some good ideas as well. One of our answers is probably not a pure solution, but rather a combination of them may help you find a solution that works.

Best of luck to you.

Fr_Chuck
Jan 9, 2007, 08:39 PM
Why was this not addressed before you were married, he knew you had a child, and he was taking a family, not just a wife.

(assuming the child was living with you when you got married)

Next could hubby just be looking for a reason to go to the bar, or go out, and your son is a easy target. And what are you fighting about, if the boy gets grades, works he can't hardly ever be home ? So what type of specific issues are there.

talaniman
Jan 9, 2007, 09:32 PM
Just a hunch but hubbie sounds like one of those drunks who runs his mouth when he gets some alcohol in him. I suspect your son doesn't like it either. Does he keep his distance from your husband? Has he had to confront him? This may be something the two fellas have to resolve, when he is sober.

phillysteakandcheese
Jan 10, 2007, 10:57 AM
I suspect there's more to this story...

If this guy really does love you, shouldn't he also love your child? I understand of they don't become buddy's, but he should certainly be encouraging, have a smile, and make an effort to keep a happy household.

On the other hand, perhaps your 16 year old is not quite the angel you portray him to be. Maybe your 16 year old has made the effort to reject your husband, and cause tension in the home?

Either way, your husband is the grown up here and should act like it. Running away to the bar doesn't sound like he's putting much effort into a solution.