So I was friends with this guy and I really fell in love from the first time we talked and I always said that would be the boy I would marry from that first conversation. We became best friends very quickly and I fell more and more in love.

One year later I still loved him and he tells me he likes my best friend so being a good friend to him and her I helped get them together and keep them together because I always wanted him to be happy and he really liked her. A year later they broke up and me and him started dating but he left for a month to Egypt and then came back completely changed and left me for her again and again I put a smile on my face pretended it didn't bother me helped them stay together and maintained our friendship because we were so close and I didn't want to lose him and having him as a friend hurt less than not having him at all.

I believed so deeply that we were meant to be and I was the perfect girl and he would see that if I just stayed friends. Once again him and my best friend broke up and a year later me and him got together. We dated for 19 months and they were the happiest most perfect 10 months of my life. We had the relationship I'd always dreamed of and we were just so perfect together and everyone saw that. Yes we had our fights and problems but we always worked through it and we thought we were going to get married when we got older and be together forever.

Then he left for Egypt for a month again and he changed completely and so did my feelings for him and he started treating me very coldly and eventually he broke up with me and decided he didn't want to be friends and I wasn't devastated because I could see it coming and I knew him so well that I knew exactly when he was going to break up with me, don't get me wrong I wanted to just crawl under a rock but I got myself together quickly and moved on and got myself together and I promised myself I would never go back because even while we were friends he had hurt me plenty of times.

A month later he comes back telling me he wants me back and we start dating for a couple weeks but then I realize I just don't have feelings for him anymore and I tell him I need a few weeks to be with myself and thing and I eventually decided my feelings were no longer there and we were over and we broke up and he was so HEART BROKEN but I decided I wanted to stay friends a couple months because I just couldn't let go of him. He was the guy id loved for so long and I wished things could last. A couple months later I just couldn't stand him anymore and I told him I need space and he was devastated!


For the last year basically I've been asking for space on and off because he just couldn't let go and to be honest neither could I even though I didn't have feelings for him, I think it was because I missed what we had. Anyway a month ago we had a heart to heart and we finally made a clean break. But to be honest this whole situation has left me pretty messed up I still go on his account once in a while and read his stuff with other people to see what he's saying about me but whenever I come across him flirting with other girls I go INSANE!! I get so jealous and so mad its ridiculous yet I know I want nothing to do with him! Its crazy and today I found this message where he was really flirty with my friend and it seemed like there may be something more there and I felt my heart break all over again and I cried for hours and I'm so heart broken but I don't understand why.

Also I have become so afraid of all relationships with guys that I shut out and want nothing to do with almost every guy who starts texting me often because I get scared it might go somewhere and that they might like me and that I might have to heart them like I did my ex. I'm so lost and confused. Anyone have advice? I will try anything that will just make me that happy person I used to be because I feel so broken I'm no longer the same person. I'm a miserable sad bitter girl now and I hate it anyone's advice will be appreciated. Spiritual guidance is also welcome because I was trying to get close to God (I'm a Coptic Orthodox Christian) and no I'm so angry with God that I'm too angry to even open my bible or try to pray and I'm scared I'm starting to hate God so please help I'm desperate!! Thank you :)

Are your families from 2 different countries and cultures and religions, with strong traditional beliefs? I'm wondering if his trips to Egypt confused his thinking and feelings toward any women who weren't from the same background AND were open to a sexual relationship when he had been brought up to avoid such women. Have you ever talked about any of that?
Second, it's very common to be in love with a memory of something that either never was or never can be again! The only cure is to involve yourself in the rest of life outside of looking for the right man or being jealous of what an old boyfriend is doing. Friends, family, school, career, hobbies, interests. You may end up back together and you may not.

You have not let him go. As you are still holding on to him through the social networks. When you stop having that kind of contact, and keeping tabs on him through your computer, it will start your healing by having NO CONTACT with him what so ever! Over time, you can find your happiness again, but it will surely take a while, so be patient with yourself.

Be aware this is going to be the hardest thing you have ever done in your life, but also the best thing to do for yourself, and your future.

If you two are meant to be, God will definitely work out His ways and make it happen. Don't be mad at God, He's just basically hinting that the future will hold greater things that you will love.. but I mean there were times I have gotten mad at God because I wasn't happy and I knew I couldn't do anything but deeply praying about it wouldn't hurt, Gods willing to listen to anything. As for the boy.. seeing the way he has and is treating you... is just not worth it.. NO guy is worth your tears or pain. I know how hard it is to forget those awesome memories but life is full of them and you just got to see what will happen in the future. Don't give up hope [: