I know its always too good to be true , & I always prove myself right on so many occasions . But this time ithought it wuld be different , things actually started to get better , & even though I'm terrefied of change iwas realizing that this change was good . Me & my mom started tlking more , after so many years we actually got to know each other & built a relationship . Iknoe it wasn't perfect but ididnt expect it to be , iwas juss glad that we were getting to actually be the mother & daughter figure that I always wanted us to be , istopped being suicidal & even stopped isolating myself . Iwas actually beginning to be. . Happy . But there was always that thought in the back of my mind always telling me , a little voice that whisperd “maybe its too good to be true?” & it deffenetly was . While getting ready for school iwas looking for my necklace in my mothers jewlery box & when iclosed it it tipped over a little bit , thts when isaw it , a cd . We have dozens of cd's in my house but ithought to myself why wuld she keep this particular one here ? So idesided to put it in the dvd player & when ipressed play the first thing isaw was “A great family”.. then a slide show of pictures .

In 2007 iwas raped by my stepfather & he went to jail for 9 months to then get deported back to mexico .

In the slide show there were pictures of my mother smiling w. my stepfather & his family in mexico , the pictures were dated 2009 , 2 years after he had gotten out of jail .

I felt my heart drop & I laid curled up on the floor & cried for an hour . Iknew it was too good to be true . I'm 15 now & for 3 years ithought that my mother was on my side & that she supported me , well she lied to me & she wuldve kept on lying if iwuldnt have found that . If she was able to hide that from me , god knows what else she's hiding from me as well . I don't know her anymore or maybe I guess I just never did , iknoe she's been through a lot but every time I look at her instead of feeling sympathy all I see is that she's sick & ifeel disgusted . How can she choose a man over her own daughter , let alone a man who raped her own daughter . Idnt know what to do anymore . Ifeel like giving up on everything ! Why even try to be happy when every time ithink I am iget let down & everything clashes down on me . I'm accepting the fact that maybe who ever it is that put me in this earth put me hear to live this way maybe I'm juss not meant to be happy . I lost all faith & I'm so close to losing my sanity .

Maybe its not meant for all this pain to go away. .

First I would like to say that you seem like a very mature young lady who has been through a lot in such a short period I completely understand you my experience is not exactly the same but very similar I definelty want to congratulate you on having the courage to come forth with the rape there are lots of young girls and teenagers who struggle with this and not many are able to say anything whether it is because they are scared or intimidated or some just what to forget about it ever happening.. You definably are on the right path and don't let no one tear you down this world is for us and we are meant to be here..
Your mom seems to be dealing with a lot of issues her self maybe going to live with another relative who is supportive of you and knows what you are going through could help you deal with this very important time in your life You probably feel like you can't trust anyone but you have to find the right person to trust not everyone understands or even care but we are definelty worth being here and Foucus on school and college choose a bright career path and stick to all of you positive goals for your life. In the end It will all pay off You will accomplish your goals for life.. Iam 23 years old I left home when I was 16 I felt like the same very unhappy no one loved me depressed and I went to look for what was missing in my life love but in the end I am still here by myself and still trying to figure out things no one is perfect but we have to decide whether it is important to deal with or just let it go and deal with what is really important GOd Family , health and education echale ganas ala vida why nunca te aquitas girl sacarte adelante everything is possible with GOD> take care of yourself