So I've been with this man for about 3 years. We have a daughter together who is about to have her first birthday this Friday! However he and I have been broken up for about 2 months now and I feel horrible. I know we had problems... he cheated on me when we first got together and always blames me for our problems, namely my insecurities and not fully trusting him. And he is partially right. Which I have already told him this... I have recognized my issues and have been seeking help through a counselor and it's seems to be helping me deal with trust issues. He plays football and is gone a lot. And I feel like maybe I was being naïve that he would want to spend the little time he had with me and our daughter instead he chose to go out with his boys every weekend. He now tells me I WAS THE REASON he always wanted to leave... because we constantly argued. He blames me for a lot of things, how things in his life has turned out or things he wanted to happen, but didn't end up the way he wanted them to. He blames me for placing him under SOOOO much stress and I feel guilty. I never wanted to make him feel that way, all I ever wanted to do was actually the opposite. I wanted him to come to me with his problems, basically I wanted to be there for him. But we had been fighting a lot. And he would lie to me and be out really late coming back drunnkkkkkk. And I had enough so I kind of snapped on him... it never turned violent but I acted really immature and looking back I'm not proud of it all. And I'm actually disgusted with myself... now I'm by myself with our daughter, he doesn't talk to me, doesn't even look at me the few times I've taken his daughter to see him. And basically treats me like I never existed to him. It's just really hard to look at our daughter and know that she could've had the chance to have had an actual family. Instead it's just me and her, and her daddy is moving out of the state soon for football... Im just really defeated and hurt and yet I'm trying to be strong because I have to move on... But for some reason I keep having this feeling in my gut that it's not really over... or this feeling of hope. And honestly I wish it wasn't there at all. Especially because I know he doesn't give me a second thought. Please help as to what to go, where to go, and how to feel, because I don't know where my head is... I'm a pretty intelligent woman, but this is just really getting to me.

That feeling is natural. Everyone is in denial and times of denial vary depending on person and on relationship. Give yourself time to properly heal, the wound is still fresh and you are probably still hopeful that he will come back and you three will be happy together. But, you need to take a look at the reality of the situation here, he blames you for his lack of success in life and doesn't really show much affection to you, hopefully he at least shows it to his daughter. Also, the sooner you accept that you and your daughter are alone the faster the healing process will start, but it will still take time, just keep up doing what you are doing (which is moving along) and sooner than you think you will realize that things are not as bad as they seem, then you can start enjoying the company of your daughter to the fullest.

Good Luck,

Javi

First of all its time to stop beating yourself up over this, remember "There are two people in a relationship, if its just one then its not a relationship".

This man is obviously very disappointed in how his career is turning out, and unfortuantely some people tend to blame others then to have to accept their own down limitations. He may never realize what he is giving up due to him being so busy pointing fingers at you.

Letting someone control you emotionally like this is unhealthy. You alone are not the fault of this relationship not working out, so stop taking all the blame. If you allow yourself to really believe that its all because of you, then you will just have a harder time trying to move on with your life. People make mistakes, BOTH PEOPLE, so learn from them and then move on.

Its time to grow not only as a Mother, but it is NOW YOUR time to grow as a STRONG WOMAN! Get out with friends, go take some classes that you have always wanted to take, but thought you couldn't do, just go for it!! Maybe you have a gift with children and would be a wonderful teacher or child counselor, nobody knows till you put yourself out there and see. You said it yourself, " Your intelligent" now start putting yourself and your child FIRST.

You can do this, don't go back to this loser, and for sake of your child don't let him treat you like your nothing better then something he walked in! Hold your head up, and make him come get your child if he wants to have visitation. Make sure you contact an attorney to make sure he pays child support! Good luck

It's not your fault, so calm down. Sounds like he's trying to put the blame on you instead of shouldering the responsibility himself. Some people have a tendency to always blame others. In actuality, constantly blaming your significant other is mental abuse.

You need to think about it and realize that you weren't responsible for everything that went wrong. Don't continue to be his scapegoat.

Right now you need to concentrate on raising your daughter and forget about him. You deserve a lot more than you were getting from him!