mindue505
Dec 14, 2010, 03:44 PM
I'm 32 and my boyfriend (Billy) is 37. I've been engaged twice, married once (for only a year). Boyfriend has never been officially engaged or married. We are both single parents: me of a 3 year old boy, him of a 14 year old girl. I live in my own apartment by myself (son half the time) and he lives with his rather messy, anti-social, hoarder of a sister (has for 10 years now).
We met December 09 at work. It was 'love at first sight'. We started dating Jan 2010 and things went great and we both KNEW each other was 'the one'. Then things fell apart rather quickly. He started to get overwhelmed with life and began to lose the spark he had for me. It ultimately ended up in me 'cheating' on him by sending PG-13 pictures to another guy and getting caught. We broke up in June 2010. I ended things, thinking he didn't want anything to do with me after my indiscretion. I was unhappy with the way things were and so was he. It seemed like things began to fell apart because he was overwhelmed with life and what our relationship meant shortly down the road (such as selling his motorcycle for a ring, etc). I'd like to also note that I wasn't trying to pressure him into getting engaged or living together, but he was the first to mention all of that. We did also spend all of our time together, besides at work.
After the breakup, I immediately rebounded by dating a new guy. Things started to get semi serious and I ended the relationship because all I could think about was Billy and how much I still loved him very much. With that in mind, I approached Billy and spilled my guts to him. He was hesitant about reconciling but still gave it a shot, although not a very determined one I might add. He ended things after a week and to my dismay, I found out he was sleeping with his ex girlfriend (the one he dated right before me) behind my back.
I was devastated. I ended up looking up a guy I dated many years prior and he came over for sex, pretty much.
Now this is where the horrible stuff begins... this guy gave me herpes. He refused to wear a condom, even though he suspected he had something, and now I have herpes for life. I currently take medication, but it is a rather psycological disease, even if the symptoms are rather mild.
I found out on Oct 6th that I had herpes after a full blood draw. I told Billy this (we were talking and trying to reconcile again around this time), and he came over that night to spend the evening with me and we made love. He said he wanted to prove to me that guys would still find me attractive. Since then, he has made some pretty substantial efforts at showing me how much he cares. We spend a lot of our childless time together, he will answer the phone right away when I call, etc.
But there's something amiss. He and I will spend time together and it seems great; then a few days later (and this has happened three times now), he will kind of get distant and need his space. I have also caught him in a few lies about where he is for lunch (with friends, not chicks) and other assorted things.
Granted there is the herpes issue (he does NOT have it), but he is weird about having sex with me. He says it is not due to the herpes, but rather he would prefer to take things slow with me and rekindle the relationship. Things would go great for a few days and then it seems like he makes up issues that aren't even there, then uses that against me about having sex with me.
He will use a condom every time we have sex, yet gave me oral sex about two weeks ago, with no worries about catching it. I mean seriously... I wouldn't even give myself oral sex and well, I have herpes!
I just don't get him. He says he loves me and he makes an effort, yet is still distancing himself.
Help!!
- lonely and confused,
Mindy
We met December 09 at work. It was 'love at first sight'. We started dating Jan 2010 and things went great and we both KNEW each other was 'the one'. Then things fell apart rather quickly. He started to get overwhelmed with life and began to lose the spark he had for me. It ultimately ended up in me 'cheating' on him by sending PG-13 pictures to another guy and getting caught. We broke up in June 2010. I ended things, thinking he didn't want anything to do with me after my indiscretion. I was unhappy with the way things were and so was he. It seemed like things began to fell apart because he was overwhelmed with life and what our relationship meant shortly down the road (such as selling his motorcycle for a ring, etc). I'd like to also note that I wasn't trying to pressure him into getting engaged or living together, but he was the first to mention all of that. We did also spend all of our time together, besides at work.
After the breakup, I immediately rebounded by dating a new guy. Things started to get semi serious and I ended the relationship because all I could think about was Billy and how much I still loved him very much. With that in mind, I approached Billy and spilled my guts to him. He was hesitant about reconciling but still gave it a shot, although not a very determined one I might add. He ended things after a week and to my dismay, I found out he was sleeping with his ex girlfriend (the one he dated right before me) behind my back.
I was devastated. I ended up looking up a guy I dated many years prior and he came over for sex, pretty much.
Now this is where the horrible stuff begins... this guy gave me herpes. He refused to wear a condom, even though he suspected he had something, and now I have herpes for life. I currently take medication, but it is a rather psycological disease, even if the symptoms are rather mild.
I found out on Oct 6th that I had herpes after a full blood draw. I told Billy this (we were talking and trying to reconcile again around this time), and he came over that night to spend the evening with me and we made love. He said he wanted to prove to me that guys would still find me attractive. Since then, he has made some pretty substantial efforts at showing me how much he cares. We spend a lot of our childless time together, he will answer the phone right away when I call, etc.
But there's something amiss. He and I will spend time together and it seems great; then a few days later (and this has happened three times now), he will kind of get distant and need his space. I have also caught him in a few lies about where he is for lunch (with friends, not chicks) and other assorted things.
Granted there is the herpes issue (he does NOT have it), but he is weird about having sex with me. He says it is not due to the herpes, but rather he would prefer to take things slow with me and rekindle the relationship. Things would go great for a few days and then it seems like he makes up issues that aren't even there, then uses that against me about having sex with me.
He will use a condom every time we have sex, yet gave me oral sex about two weeks ago, with no worries about catching it. I mean seriously... I wouldn't even give myself oral sex and well, I have herpes!
I just don't get him. He says he loves me and he makes an effort, yet is still distancing himself.
Help!!
- lonely and confused,
Mindy