Hello ,

I have a very strange family situation. I have 3 brothers ,I am the eldest and father expired and we have mother back in our country .My mother doestnt like my wife and she hates my mother-in-law .My wife is the only daughther for my in laws.My in Laws house is near some of our relatives who are extra close to my mother.Last summer when my wife went to my country ,my wife and her mother and my mother had arguments and one tells other insulted .Result my mother hates my mother-in-law and naturally hates my wife.My brothers also hate my in laws and to some extent my wife.
My solution was that either of them not to meet each other.

Now my brother's marriage is scheduled and we are invited to go back to country. now I am the eldest ,so naturally people expect me.But if I go for sure my mother and my wife will get into some kind of trouble and would surely spoil the atmosphere and mental peace for me.Going to my country is an very expensive trip with loads of difficulties.

Also out of the 4 brothers ,my mother likes me least. she likes me but I am the lowest preference if you know what I mean.Then recently I had a big argument with my mother regarding some of the money she squandered. she is a very bad finicial manager.

I am in a fix whether I should go to marriage. whether to go to attend marriage being eldest in the absence of father enduring hardships and spends thousands of money Or
Stay back and avoid for sure mental tensions that would come after a sure fallout with of my wife and my mother.:confused:

I am so very sorry to hear you are going through this. If I understand right, your cultural standards requires more of a family than some, and you, being the oldest, have more responsibilities. However, you have made your life with your wife. Why should you turn your back on her in favor of your Mother? Yes, your Mother raised you, but what do you owe her in regards to the rest of your life?

Think of what it would be like when you and your wife start raising a family of your own. There would be no peace in your home - from what you describe of your Mother - she would be a very vocal part of your family. That would cause a great deal of harm, perhaps not physically but emotionally.

Perhaps it is time to say to your Mother that while she is welcome, she is only welcome as long as she shows respect to your wife and your wife's family. That does not mean she has to fall in love with your wife, but accept your wife and learn to move on. To live in a home with discontent will bring a short end to a pleasant life. The same for your brothers - do they even know why they hold anger for your wife and her family? Or are they going on what your Mother has said to them?

You have quite a dilemma going on and I really feel for your position. If you truly love your wife and feel strongly that you have done right in marrying her, then you have to stand up for her with your family. Not all families get along. But some reach the point where they agree to accept them for the short times they are together as families.

Best of all to you.

My wife and my mother do not get along either, we were married @ 6 years before they even meet, and it ended in a real argument. So if I have to do anything with my mother present my wife does not go, her choice,

So give your wife the choice to go, knowing she is not liked.

Go take care of your responsibilities as the oldest alone. I'm sure your wife knows what's going on but talking to her first is the thing to do. I don't see her objecting