After an bad separation from his father (both mentally and physically abusive) towards me
I have not seen my son for 12 years because of things he has been told by his father

Can you provide a little more information?

I can't imagine it - I wouldn't let anybody keep my child away from me for even a week.

Why would you even think about leaving a child with an abusive man? You do know that he's more than likely been verbally and physically abused as well, don't you?

When I was kid I was sepparated from my parents I didn't want it but I lived mostly with my mom I would visit my dad he would tell me awful thing about my mom and then I would ask if they were true and my mom would say the same so your ex-husband has probably said something maybe he didn't even strech the truth but in their words and eyes is how your son probably see's you.. is your son tweleve now or is he older if you were to visit would be awkward try to think it not only in your eyes but his as well try to talk to your son (in legall ways) do you send him birthday gifts or cards? If you celbrate maybe send him a sweet card with your picture and money.. just to let him no you care and love him..