(US) I am in a long distance relationship (ocean apart). I love this girl and I promised to go back and marry her…the distance has not been easy (adjusting to new life) and now I am in a better position. After a couple of years she got tired of waiting and wanted to go on. I was hurt but I had no choice. We remained friends. She was going through a lot by herself and I know not being there physically for her let her into giving up on us. I tried to visit when I could, but it is expensive and could only manage a few weeks in a year.

The time we were apart, over 8 months, she was emotionally attached to a close friend of hers. I didn't gave up on her and hoped she could come back someday. I tried to move on but she was always I my mind. She did called later asking for forgiveness, saying that she never stopped thinking about me and blames herself for acting so immature and unrealistic, and she wanted us back together. That is if I could give her a chance. It wasn't difficult because I loved her.

I did visit her and we did work on our differences (she ended up breaking up with the boyfriend). She later found out she was pregnant. She sounded excited to have 'my baby', shock came later when she visited the doctor. She was already 10 weeks pregnant and not six weeks. I was devastated because the baby is not mine. She cried out because she did promise a lot and didn't live by her word. The ex-boyfriend doesn't know yet that the baby is his.

I am confused. I love her: the thought of her going through this alone breaks me up. I want to marry her –that means being the dad. I have a son and she helped me when I found out a girl I was seeing was expecting my baby. We were no longer together. I am confused if this is a right decision. I don't want to be a bad husband or dad. She is a wonderful girl and she did a mistake. She said that she deserves the punishment for her mistakes and that she learnt from them. She is sure she will make a better wife. Please advise.

Take things slowly. The ex-boyfriend will need to be informed that he may be the father. Dating a pregnancy is not an exact science, so with dates potentially that close, it would be wise to have a paternity test done once the baby is born.

Don't rush into marriage as this is all new again for the two of you. She has just recently ended a relationship and it might be best for you to get reacquainted with each other again.

Plan another visit, either you there, or she comes to you, (where is she located?) if possible, to spend more time in person. Stay in contact, of course, but let things develop and see what time brings. You will obviously still be apart, at least for awhile, so you will have to see how that is dealt with this time around. Be careful you don't rush things out of feeling a need to take care of her since she is now pregnant.

Going to play devil's advocate here: is it possible she got pregnant by this other guy and the relationship ended so she turned to you as a safety net?

Thanks for your advice. She doenst plan on telling the ex-boyfriend. I like the idea of planning a visit, she is in Cyprus. I believe time together might really open our hearts. I won't rush into marriage, though I feel so attached to her. Whether she turned to me as a safety net I can't be sure. She did end the relationship herself before she even knew she was already pregnant.

As the pregnancy progresses, they will likely do another scan and dates may change a bit. I would strongly suggest, that after baby is born, you participate in DNA testing to determine whether the baby is yours... as might be possible. If the baby is not, then it would only be right for her to tell the ex that he has a child.


Enjoy reconnecting with her... visit when you can, look into webcams if you haven't already, communicate often, and see how things go. Good luck!

I really don't think you have enough facts to make a reasonable decision, and mistake or not, the distance has made you strangers, and you need more than one visit to know how this will work in the future. There is no hurry, and you should take your time and really find out if this is a person who deserves a chance to share the future with you.

To do that properly, you have to do something about the distance, and all the time apart.

Thanks Talaniman, was working on the long distance thing, then got sidetracked by the situation, confused if I shld go on with the plan. LDR are hard.

Comment on DoulaLC's post
I am there for her.. like you say the child cld be mine. Still whatever the results, I'm looking forward. The communication is good. Like I mentioned earlier, all along we remained friends. It's the frustration of the LDR. I appreciate though.

LDRs are hard at times... have been there myself and am now married to the person. With frequent phone calls (we often talked twice a day), good communication, letters/cards, and the occasional visit when possible, they certainly can be sustainable.

I can tell you, however, that there were still some cultural adjustments that added to the usual adjustments of getting used to being together after marriage... :) A sense of humor goes a very long way!