So I met this guy online through a game that I used to play, and we just talked all day-night (on msn). Four months after meeting him, we started to flirt and whatnot, usually just jokes but then it turned into this relationship. We exchanged cell numbers, and began texting each other instead (I started back up at Uni in the fall and he was starting college as well-so it was hard to always get to a computer). It was really sweet, just having to talk to someone I trust but who isn't here (there is some comfort in that), and just have someone say good morning and good luck on an exam. Although my friends do this, it's nice having it from someone I consider my boyfriend (he says we're together so he is my boyfriend, but some people wouldn't qualify him as one because we haven't met). We've been together for a year and four months, and I have never withheld any information from him but he doesn't really ask... and I really feel like he should, I feel like I'm prying when I ask more personal questions but he says he doesn't mind-maybe he also feels like he'll be prying if he asks.

I know online its different, but that's becoming common now-a-days, and he doesn't live drastically far from me (but I have no actual plans on seeing him soon, and he can't come see me anytime soon either). But for someone like me, who has never ever liked a person until we were friends, who has been strung along for almost a year before being told that I am just not good enough for that person because I am overweight, its easier to hide behind a computer/phone. So I am now guarded, and I really don't think I am good enough for my boyfriend. I have sat down and seriously told him, "I'm not skinny, and I'm not just being modest," and he has seen pictures of me (though they're pictures of me where I look nice... I'm really unphotogenic), so I am not hiding that I am overweight, but at the same time I think I'm deceiving him and that he deserves someone who is pretty and skinny and I want him to have everything, because he is just a sweetheart and I don't think I am good enough. I wanted to tell him so many times that I don't think we shouldn't be together anymore but I can't... I'm so selfish that I really don't want to let him go.

I logically know this is stupid, but that stupid bastard messed me up so much that every time I think I could have a chance with someone I think "Nope, not skinny, not good enough."The worst part was, that this guy who told me "If you lost weight, I would definitely ask you out" (his exact words) was my best friend of five years... he had held my hand, had held me from behind, kissed my cheek, kissed me when he was drunk (we were 18), took my first real kiss and then after ten months of this couple-y **** gives me this slap in the face saying that I am not really good enough-but hey I'm good enough to kiss and hold but not be publicly seen with. I don't speak to him anymore, not because of what he said because I didn't blame him for what he said... I believed it so I couldn't hold him for stating the truth... I'm not his friend anymore because I didn't want to see him throw his life away for his new girlfriend (I wasn't jealous, I had developed deep hatred for him for what he said, but I did not like seeing him give up his dreams for this woman who could be his mother, especially since he cut himself off from everyone). Suddenly my opinions (that he had once highly valued) on anything were stupid and I shouldn't speak about his relationship because I have no experience in that department. He's getting married to her and I am not invited (considering I haven't spoken to him in 6 months) and I am actually happy that he has someone.

Now that I have someone, even if he's someone I never met, I still don't believe I am good enough. I want him to know this, I want him to reassure me of that, even though he said he didn't care how I looked, but I want him to know... I want him to know how I can't see that-how logically that bastard shouldn't be holding me back, but he is, because he was someone I trusted so much. Another part of me though doesn't think I should feed it, that I should just ignore it. That its really unimportant and that I shouldn't let it rule me... but its really hard especially when it came from someone who was there for me at my weakest moments. I just don't know what to do, I want to tell him about all these things, about all these insecurities that I have but I don't want to offend him either by asking (I should know him, right? But... I also thought I knew my best friend... ). I just don't know if I should mention this stupid insecurity to him, or just ignore it-not feed that idea, not even entertain that idea.

It is so hard to let go of passed hurts and those pesky thoughts of not being good enough. It is easy to say to just let it go, it was in the past, but I know that it takes time to get to that point. Some people can let it go faster than others.

One idea is to focus more on the positives that you already know and less on the negatives that you are only guessing at.

You know that he likes you, and since he has already seen pictures of you, that he is perfectly fine with how you look. The two of you get along well, can talk about things, he supports you in your school work, you trust each other.

Remember that the guy from your past was young and immature. His words came from an immature point of view. Try not to let that be the basis of how you see yourself today.

If you are not happy about how you look, then be sure you are working towards making any changes that you can.

It may be easier to hide behind a computer or phone, but that won't help you with how you feel about yourself. Yes, it takes work to make changes, but by making a plan of action and getting started on it, you can help your emotional self heal as you improve your physical self.

Don't sell this new guy short. Don't assume to know how he will feel about you; you already know that he likes you for you. He has already told you that... believe him!

Now, figure out a way that the two of you can actually meet-up in person sometime in the next year and see where this adventure may lead!

Well you don't want to be with someone if you feel you are not good enough that will always make you feel uncomfortable and feeling like every morning you wake up preying that today he does not break up with you that day. It's the worst feeling in the world, what you want to do is try to push him away and see if he comes back. Try to keep as busy as you can and see if he does everything in his power to be with you then you know you are good enough and you also know he really feels something for you.